U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-18-2013, 07:18 PM
 
10,550 posts, read 12,744,353 times
Reputation: 3869

Advertisements

What is a polite way to respond to someone who is always asking you open-ended questions? Never "How are you?" or anything like that. But usually something like, "So what is new with you?"

It's annoying because they ask it loudly in front of everyone, trying to direct everyone's attention to you and your response.

I understand that some people are good with those kinds of questions. But I am not the talkative type. I always feel awkward in the situation.

I appreciate any helpful info or advice. Thanks.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-18-2013, 07:34 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,272 posts, read 41,844,197 times
Reputation: 83139
"Not much. What's new with you?"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2013, 07:51 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,466 posts, read 39,987,496 times
Reputation: 41921
Redirection, I think is the psycho-babble term for it.

Give them a one line answer and toss it back as the poster above said.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2013, 08:30 PM
 
10,550 posts, read 12,744,353 times
Reputation: 3869
Thanks. That was what I had been thinking. It seems like a popular way that some people might deal with it, now that I think about it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2013, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,490 posts, read 3,947,637 times
Reputation: 3226
"I'm fine. How are you today?"

"Not much. What have you been up to lately?"

Deflect and redirect...loudly, if that's what you feel they've done to you to draw attention.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2013, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,272 posts, read 41,844,197 times
Reputation: 83139
Well, I mean, if you don't want to answer them, it's the way to deal with it.

If you DO want to pursue a conversation, choose one general topic and give a short summary statement, like, "Well, our house is on the market, so I'm up to my neck in that right now."

That kind of thing usually serves as a jumping-off point for them to tell their own related anecdote or ask you another question about it.

Up to you, though.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-19-2013, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,614 posts, read 13,151,434 times
Reputation: 16173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
"Not much. What's new with you?"
Yup^^. Your life, You tell em' only what you want them to know.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-19-2013, 10:08 AM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,346 posts, read 83,008,856 times
Reputation: 17516
If this person is sort of annoying, say

"I'm fine, Thank You. Say, Did you ever get that infection cleared up or are you still having problems with your lip?"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-19-2013, 10:14 AM
 
Location: 'greater' Buffalo, NY
3,067 posts, read 2,108,277 times
Reputation: 3965
Quote:
Originally Posted by OzzyRules View Post
It's annoying because they ask it loudly in front of everyone, trying to direct everyone's attention to you and your response.
These are the sorts of situations that I traditionally have tended to take to the worst possible outcome...ambiguous ones where I sense I am a possible victim of some sort of manipulation. Why would someone ask you a question for the purpose of turning your response into a spectacle for a larger group to witness? Walking away without saying anything in a situation like that is entirely justified, and probably what I would do, unless surrounded by friends. What exactly is the situation, if I might ask--who's looking to set you up in this way, and who are the onlookers? Sounds to me like you're (hypothetically or not) being subjected to the scrutiny of people who aren't your friends. In which case I'd either walk away without saying anything, or with a perhaps slightly audible "**** you", to be repeated at a higher volume if needed ("Huh? What did you say?"). No need to politely respond to an initial act that sounds as if it was undertaken to undermine more than anything else. Even if it's a group of people you're vaguely acquainted with, who you assume are likely to be somewhat on your side--there are the kinds of social games for which I have no patience, and am increasingly likely to avoid entirely these days--even in a crowd of people who I know would be superficially supportive/not *especially* judgmental. What's the point? I don't seek to judge based on incomplete information, nor do seek to be the subject/victim of such snap judgments. If the person who asked you this question was truly interested in the response for its own sake, then the question would be asked at a normal conversational volume, not at an elevated volume intended to attract the attention of random others.

So while I wouldn't necessarily take my own advice (given that it may often be more expedient to go with the responses others have listed above), I urge you to analyze the situation skeptically/cynically, and not to ever let others use you for some social agenda that you're not privy to
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-19-2013, 10:16 AM
 
Location: 'greater' Buffalo, NY
3,067 posts, read 2,108,277 times
Reputation: 3965
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles View Post
If this person is sort of annoying, say

"I'm fine, Thank You. Say, Did you ever get that infection cleared up or are you still having problems with your lip?"
Haha, or you could just do this. In certain spots I've pursued this line of action (not using those exact words)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top