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OK, I had a goofy thing happen to me this morning...at CHURCH of all places!
Let me give some background. I am fifty one years old, in pretty good shape for my age and I keep myself as attractive as possible, but come on - I AM a fifty one year old woman. Not a twenty one year old woman. I know that people of all ages are looking for love and that's great, but...anyway...
I am also very happily married. Now, my husband and I attend church about once or twice a month. Well, let me back up and say that I attend church a couple of times a month, and my husband about once every six weeks or so, because he works out of town. So it's not uncommon for me to go to church alone. In fact, I go alone more often than I go with my husband.
We don't go to Sunday School or other church functions and never get involved in any sort of social stuff with church, so I guess people don't know either of us all that well there beyond just greeting each other at church and some small talk afterwards.
OK, so today I went to church and sat by myself (though I have some female friends that sit behind me that I am friendly with, so it's not like I'm a pariah of loneliness there, but I digress). Anyway, church adjourns, and I was trying to leave, and suddenly this man is blocking my way, and he begins speaking to me in earnest, pretty fast, and I realize with some chagrin that I can't understand a word he's saying, because he has a very thick Hispanic accent. So I said, "I'm so sorry - I didn't understand a word you were saying...what's that again?" He smiled and said slowly, "blah blah blah..." (I couldn't understand that part) "...do you like to ride horses?"
What?
I didn't know what to say! What I WANTED to say was "Hell, no, I don't like to ride horses! Do I LOOK like someone who does?" I mean, I am the antithesis of a cowgirl! The question couldn't have been more alien or unexpected if he had said instead, "Do you like to attend wrestling matches?" or "Do you like to go frog gigging?"
I looked at him and all I could think of was the last time I rode a horse, thirty five years ago, and it started trotting and all I could do was hang on for dear life and pray that I survived the ride. I said, "Oh no - no, no, no - I'm afraid of horses! I'm afraid I'll fall off!" (And I was thinking to myself, "Listen here, strange man, I can't imagine why you're asking me this, but please get out of my way and let me pass!") I mean, what I said was sort of lame, but he caught me off guard. Way off guard.
He smiled again, still blocking my way, and leaned forward a little and said, "Oh, I would make them be very gentle for you. No rough ride, I promise."
WHAT ON EARTH! Thank GOODNESS a woman I know came up at that point and started talking to me, because I think I was just standing there with my mouth and eyes wide open, speechlessly wondering why this man who I had never talked to before (other than to smile and say hello as MY HUSBAND AND I WERE WALKING PAST HIM perhaps three months before) was asking me about riding horses.
It was dawning on me that he was asking me if I wanted to ride horses with him (ie, stick hot pokers in my eyes or push splinters under my fingernails). It was also dawning on me that he had been sitting behind me, watching me in church, figuring out a line to use on me, which really alarmed me. My gosh, does he know I'm married? Hasn't he seen me with my husband? Maybe he thinks we're divorced! Was he asking me to ride horses with him? Why would he think I would do this? Even if I was single? OMG.
I got out to my car and CRACKED UP LAUGHING about it. I mean, I also felt sort of bad for him - but dang, that was awkward. I got so tickled about it that I had to call my mother, who immediately started asking if he was handsome and how old he was. To be honest, I have no idea! I was so surprised by the conversation that I didn't even notice any of that!
Now I'm dreading seeing him again in church. It's enough to make a woman paranoid. There was some other guy in church a year or so ago who apparently thought I was having marital problems or something (I guess a lot of people there have no idea that my husband works out of town), and he started coming by my office on the flimsiest of excuses, then calling me, or leaving little silly notes on my desk - and then when my husband actually had a medical emergency and had to have urgent surgery, he came UP TO THE HOSPITAL AND WOULDN'T LEAVE - almost like he was just waiting for my husband to die! Finally, my husband (who knew he was sort of bothering me, but who hadn't wanted to have any drama with anyone at church and had figured up to that point that I could handle him on my own), said, from his HOSPITAL BED, "Hey man - my wife and I would like some time alone...and by the way, I'd appreciate it if you stopped calling her and coming by her office." EMBARRASSING AND AWKWARD.
It's ridiculous. What's up with these middle aged men - AT CHURCH of all places??? I don't dress like a hoochie mama, or flirt, or anything like that - but I am a friendly sort of person who will smile genuinely at someone - male or female - and I guess I'm SORT OF attractive, for a fifty one year old grandmother. But it does make me wonder if it's just men in general, or if it's something I'm unconsciously doing.
Surely not. Are people really this dismissive of the fact that someone they're interested in is MARRIED?
I don't think it's weird at all and I wouldn't be worried at all. He was just looking to meet you, obviously is not interested in the "hoochie mama" type, and asked if you wanted to do something that he could offer as fun (in his opinion). Not every woman in your age group that attends church alone is married. He made a mistake, a simple social gaff.
I would smile, but not encourage, if you have that ability.
I don't think it's weird at all and I wouldn't be worried at all. He was just looking to meet you, obviously is not interested in the "hoochie mama" type, and asked if you wanted to do something that he could offer as fun (in his opinion). Not every woman in your age group that attends church alone is married. He made a mistake, a simple social gaff.
I would smile, but not encourage, if you have that ability.
I do have that ability. I will probably be with my husband the next time I go to church (in two weeks) so if he's there, which he usually is, he'll see me with him. I'll just smile vaguely, I guess!
I think what unsettled me is that this is the second man from church who's expressed an interest in me, though this guy is DEFINITELY not the problem the other guy was! I have never been all that at ease with male attention - I have no idea why but it really doesn't matter much because like I said, I'm happily married anyway. I just don't picture myself as a particularly alluring woman - I see myself as someone fun to be around, but not ALLURING to the general public. So male attention (the flirty sort, not in a business setting or on a platonic level) always catches me offguard and makes me feel awkward.
I wouldn't worry about it. I mean, yes...it is awkward, but you did nothing wrong. All that happened was a single man found you attractive enough to approach you and ask you out on a date. (Quit laughing!! Horse riding would be considered a date by some ).
He may feel awkward too next time he sees you at church and completely avoid you anyway...
I wouldn't worry about it. I mean, yes...it is awkward, but you did nothing wrong. All that happened was a single man found you attractive enough to approach you and ask you out on a date. (Quit laughing!! Horse riding would be considered a date by some ).
He may feel awkward too next time he sees you at church and completely avoid you anyway...
LOL I hope so.
Actually, no, I felt sort of sorry for him. I wanted to say to him, "Look, you probably don't realize that I'm happily married, but I do appreciate your offer," but of course, I was taken aback and also couldn't understand some of what he was saying and I thought, "This is the very last place I want to be having this conversation!"
I do think it's a little odd for someone you've literally never spoken to, to suddenly out of the blue, ask you if you want to go horseback riding with him though!
I would hate to be a man. I'd never get a date. It must be awful to sit there and try to come up with some clever way to ask a woman out.
Men NEVER give up. When I was 53, I happened to cross the path of a retired Air Force Colonel who had taught political science at the US Air Force Academy. He was in his 80's and he explained to me that he got lonely sometimes because his wife (whom he cared for himself) had Alzheimer's. The old gentleman had been introduced to me by a very reliable source, so I was comfortable enough to chat with him for 20 minutes or so. We discovered that we had many things in common, including a love for classical music. I mentioned that I missed going to the symphony since I was broke at the time and couldn't afford the price of a ticket. (See where this is going?)
The Colonel told me that he loved the symphony, as well, but he hated going alone. "Would I like to attend one together - his treat - strictly as friends?" I thought about it carefully, but in the end, I couldn't see why not. Good grief! He had 30 years on me, and I'd even mentioned that I was in a relationship, as well. Surely, it would be OK to take him up on his kind offer.
It worked out fine the first 2 or 3 times, but the 4th time the 80 - something retired Colonel professed his undying love for me and told me he was certain that I felt the same way about him.
Well not exactly. I was very embarassed as you might imagine, and it took a while before he finally got the message that we would never move beyond the friend stage. In fact, it would be best if we just stopped seeing one another since it had become so ackward - to me, anyhow.
He finally quit calling me, and a couple of months after that, the woman who had introduced us said the Colonel was now dating a woman in her FORTIES whom he'd met at church. Yes.
Perhaps, you could try slipping into the last pew right before the service starts if you attend church again without your hubby. When the service is over, slip out again and walk quickly to your car. It's a shame that sometimes we have to do such things, but if you're careful to avoid all interaction with this person - or at least as much as you can - they get the message eventually. Maybe you could get a Spanish speaking friend or aquaintence to teach you the Spanish for, "I'm already married and my husband is very jealous. The last man who asked me out ended up in the hospital for a week!"
You must have looked like someone who he would enjoy spending time with. I would look at it as a complement and not worry about it.
You're right. Actually, the woman who I talked to at church who accidentally interrupted this odd little exchange said the same thing! She said, "We may as well just consider these incidents as proof that we've still got it!"
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