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My husband and I are doing quite well financially. We both make a very large income and have lots of money left over after we pay our bills. We also have been doing quite well with our investments. Getting great jobs and making lots of money was a combination of luck, good fortune based on some gambles, and committing ourselves to education and professional development.
My brothers and sisters (all are working class folks making less than $10 an hour) are not doing so well financially. All of them are hard workers and most of them work 2-3 jobs. They are always working but can't get their heads above water due to expenses in our inflationary times.
They think it is only fair that my husband and I send them money help them out on a regular basis because we hit the jackpot with our successful careers and good investment choices, and they didn't.
Do you help support less successful members of your family due to a very successful career and investments? Should you?
* Should someone like a Bill Gates (a Billionaire) see that his working class family all live well because he has more money than he can ever spend? (As long as they don't waste the money and continue to work full time)
** Sorry to report I am not Bill Gates but we are doing fine.
Yes, especially if your family members are not doing drugs/ drunks and are honestly trying to do well. Maybe just set up a college fund for their children. They are your blood. If you don't help them out, then you are useless.
Lets say you have a sibling. Who spent most of your life growing up treating you like dirt over some preconceived notion that parents loved you more. They would resort to overblowing everything, scaring you into not doing something that makes you happy, just to see to suffer for their own amusement. Married twice to two leeches who in a sense, robbed you of money, broke your things, and cause you years of stress. Add that you're in a lower income family that had no choice but to support each other, so its not like you could just up and walk away. This sibling would be totally ignorant to the mere idea of karma.
Fast forward 14 years later, this sibling starts backsliding. Loses their job, despite bragging how they were the best CNA that ever lived (Think Al Bundy's 4 touchdowns quote), refusing to go out to work, and eventually unhealthy enough to have some serious medical conditions afflicting them.
Suddenly they're starting to act very nice to you, nice enough for you to stick around (remember we're all poor) and abusing your low self esteem to get what they want with guilt trips and manipulation. Eventually, after all that you finally move away, while they try to convince you it would be in your best interest to live near... or with them. You can't confront them about your past history without a full blown argument and a spouse to add insult. You maintain some contact, but there's still hints of dependance and lies about money. If one gets rich they'd share. Even though they've been secret with their money for years.
NOW!! The fun part! You start to earn some great money, like really good money. Would you keep it a secret and live the life you've desperately wanted for years, or find it in your heart to help them out despite everything you've been with them? Deep down you feel like you'll only be taken advantage of... again, yet you don't want to be the person holding a very long grudge.
Life is too short, this is the one life for each of us. You don't need the family drama in your life. Once you recognize manipulation for what it is, then don't let yourself be manipulated. You can chose to be co-dependent or an enabler or whatever you want to all. Then you will be locked in the ugliness forever.
Or you can look at it " say " No way , I'm done " and go live your life the way that makes you happy. None of us needs people in our lives that make us feel bad about ourselves, guilty, miserable, etc. In your case, I'd run away from family. They bring you no pleasure. I'd not cut them off if you don't want to but I'd limit contact .Send a holiday card, a birthday card, calla few rimes a year and be done with the nonsense.
This is not about holding a grudge. It's about setting yourself free. One other thing, I do not understand the need to discuss money, who makes more, who has more, etc. It's no one's business. It also serves no useful purpose as you can see from many of the threads on this board. Your relatives do not have to know how much money you have.
You have a dysfunctional family. If you tell them you're doing well financially, their thought is- " give me your money " In a non dysfunctional family, the thought is " good for them . I'm happy for them ".
Your choice- set yourself free or keep deliberately falling back into the hole and keep fighting to get out of it.
My husband and I are doing quite well financially. We both make a very large income and have lots of money left over after we pay our bills. We also have been doing quite well with our investments. Getting great jobs and making lots of money was a combination of luck, good fortune based on some gambles, and committing ourselves to education and professional development.
My brothers and sisters (all are working class folks making less than $10 an hour) are not doing so well financially. All of them are hard workers and most of them work 2-3 jobs. They are always working but can't get their heads above water due to expenses in our inflationary times.
They think it is only fair that my husband and I send them money help them out on a regular basis because we hit the jackpot with our successful careers and good investment choices, and they didn't.
Do you help support less successful members of your family due to a very successful career and investments? Should you?
* Should someone like a Bill Gates (a Billionaire) see that his working class family all live well because he has more money than he can ever spend? (As long as they don't waste the money and continue to work full time)
** Sorry to report I am not Bill Gates but we are doing fine.
I think your help should to be limited and not on regular basis, because they are not your children and they must not to be.
But this is only your choice.
People are still taking the OP seriously?
Interesting.
Message boards are like cocktail parties, if you join a conversation and don't like the topic, move on and join another group; there are tons of other conversations to join!
My husband and I are doing quite well financially. We both make a very large income and have lots of money left over after we pay our bills. We also have been doing quite well with our investments. Getting great jobs and making lots of money was a combination of luck, good fortune based on some gambles, and committing ourselves to education and professional development.
My brothers and sisters (all are working class folks making less than $10 an hour) are not doing so well financially. All of them are hard workers and most of them work 2-3 jobs. They are always working but can't get their heads above water due to expenses in our inflationary times.
They think it is only fair that my husband and I send them money help them out on a regular basis because we hit the jackpot with our successful careers and good investment choices, and they didn't.
Do you help support less successful members of your family due to a very successful career and investments? Should you?
* Should someone like a Bill Gates (a Billionaire) see that his working class family all live well because he has more money than he can ever spend? (As long as they don't waste the money and continue to work full time)
** Sorry to report I am not Bill Gates but we are doing fine.
You can support your less fortunate family members by showing them ads for better jobs, suggesting furthering their education and encouraging them to do better on THEIR OWN. My son's wife has been out of work now for 5 years and she doesn't seem to want to make a move to find work. I have talked to her about working but she doesn't respond, kind of just sits there and listens to me. I told my son that I feel that she has been out of work so long now that she is afraid to go out and actually apply for work. Oh..almost forgot...her parents have recently inherited a PILE of cash from a relative who has passed away..I am talking in the millions of dollars and to date they have paid for a new kitchen, new windows and soon a trip to Italy for my son and his wife. Now THAT is incentive?? NOT My husband and I are very comfortable, have a nice home and I don't have to work. Do I give them cash? NO. I raised my son as a single Mom and everything I taught him about responsibility is being destroyed because he has HER parents to fall back on when times get tough. I hate that they have done this to them and hate that my son's wife won't pitch in and help him with the bills. They do ok..he keeps them afloat on about $70K a year. No, no and no...let the relatives continue to work and keep encouraging perhaps a better education with perhaps a chance to make a better wage!
Message boards are like cocktail parties, if you join a conversation and don't like the topic, move on and join another group; there are tons of other conversations to join!
This is a cocktail party that seems to repeat itself with the same cheap drinks, over and over again.
This is a cocktail party that seems to repeat itself with the same cheap drinks, over and over again.
LOL - and a new one will start tomorrow.
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