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I have gone through the discussion, and I want to share my views with you all. I think that these days many men and women give priority to the career; they got busy in their single life. May be a woman or man both are enjoying the life but they forget about the woman’s critical point.
Ya, I am talking about the right time to have a baby. It’s not possible for all to have normal baby at the age of 30 to 40 years. I am agreeing that we have few miracles like at the age of 45 a lady has given birth to a child, but it’s not necessary for every lady. So we should take the initiative to get married on time, have a child at the age of 26 to 30 years and then enjoy our life, so after having one child you will never have any regret that you cannot conceive any baby. Always running after the social status can also make you dumb. So take right decision for being happy in life.
I think they are just 2 different issues that elicit 2 different emotions in people. It is easy to feel sympathy for a couple who physically can't make a baby despite doing everything "right." A person who is single and hasn't physically tried to have a baby is just a different situation. Whether perceived or true, perhaps people think it is your own choices that are the reason "you" don't have a child.
My old now deceased mother in law...who's daughter I never married but had a bunch of kids with used to say to me in disrespect..."You are not respectable or really married because you have not been churched" Well almost 30 years passed and all of those who were so damned respectable and formally married were all divorced...and my socially inferior union out lasted them all. The way I look at it - those that say a life is far from incomplete if they do not have children ...are mistaken. Point being... having a child is everything...anyway you can have this happen - go for it.
But you had a partner. That isn't comparable to someone without a partner who wants one to have kids with.
I hate my life as a hard working single. It sucks. I support everyone else (celebrating their life events) but no one emotionally supports me that I am hurting not having any life events/ not going through any life stages. Life completely sucks!
I hate my life as a hard working single. It sucks. I support everyone else (celebrating their life events) but no one emotionally supports me that I am hurting not having any life events/ not going through any life stages. Life completely sucks!
Do you date? Do you try to date? Have you considered having a child on your own?
They do empathize with you, they just can't help you. When a single woman says she wants children, the best anyone can offer her is suggest adoption or having them on her own. What other options are there? People are simply pointing out the obvious to you. If you really wanted children you would stop wasting time, because the clock is running out and you would have children.
That means you would have planned your life to get the education needed to get the kinds of jobs that pay enough for an adult to support herself and a family. The whole argument if children should be raised with a father in the house is a whole different question. But basically if your desire for children is so strong then adopting a child or having one of your own is possible.
However, you've rejected those options because that's not your real problem. Your real problem is that you want to be married and you're not. You want a man to support you and your children. Your friends and family realize they can't help you with that. They can't find you a hubby, arrange a marriage for you, let you borrow theirs, etc. You want the whole kit and kaboodle and it hasn't happened.
Tell us exactly what you want those around you to do. What, in your mind, does being supportive entail ?
Your family and friends know you want to be married. This lack of a husband is obviously eating away at you. Really, other than saying " keep looking, maybe someone will along", what can anyone do ?
Your sister's remark was very cruel and insensitive. But she was also picking up on your jealously of her life. You resent her marriage and want the focus on yourself and your lack of husband problem.
Better to let go of the ill will toward those people who do have husbands and children. Figure out where you can go to meet single people, how you can increase your chances of meeting Mr. Right. Look to yourself to see if there is anything about your husband parameters that is keeping you from choosing a mate. Do you have too many boxes a man has to fit into - too tall, too short, wrong eye color, not making enough money, etc. Best to work on yourself and your problem and not worry about other people's lives. You see life as a competition and worry about who gets the most attention. A resentful attitude toward other people may keep you very unhappy.
Dumbest reply ever. You need to stay out of threads that are beyond you ability to understand.
This woman is calling attention to the breaking down of the social contract that has supposed to existed between human beings for hundreds of thousands of years and you totally miss it. She honored her contract to her sister in law by being helpful and it's perfectly okay with you if society reniggs on its responsibility to be helpful in return. So if society is no help to her and doesn't support and she receives no return on her investment as a good citizen to society, why does she even bother to be a part of society? She's not getting what she wants out of the relationship while others, whom she supports, are and are smugly neglecting to support her.
So if that is how it works, and she just gets to die alone, what the hell is in it for her?
Last edited by Shankapotomus; 07-15-2013 at 06:28 AM..
Dumbest reply ever. You need to stay out of threads that are beyond you ability to understand.
This woman is calling attention to the breaking down of the social contract that has supposed to existed between human beings for hundreds of thousands of years and you totally miss it. She honored her contract to her sister in law by being helpful and it's perfectly okay with you if society reniggs on its responsibility to be helpful in return. So if society is no help to her and doesn't support and she receives no return on her investment as a good citizen to society, why does she even bother to be a part of society? She's not getting what she wants out of the relationship while others, whom she supports, are and are smugly neglecting to support her.
So if that is how it works, and she just gets to die alone, what the hell is in it for her?
Dumbest reply ever. You need to stay out of threads that are beyond you ability to understand.
This woman is calling attention to the breaking down of the social contract that has supposed to existed between human beings for hundreds of thousands of years and you totally miss it. She honored her contract to her sister in law by being helpful and it's perfectly okay with you if society reniggs on its responsibility to be helpful in return. So if society is no help to her and doesn't support and she receives no return on her investment as a good citizen to society, why does she even bother to be a part of society? She's not getting what she wants out of the relationship while others, whom she supports, are and are smugly neglecting to support her.
So if that is how it works, and she just gets to die alone, what the hell is in it for her?
Finally someone gets it. That was the dumbest reply ever because I don't "want" a man to "take care of me" I can take care of myself I'm not a needy nonself reliant women.
She honored her contract to her sister in law by being helpful and it's perfectly okay with you if society reniggs on its responsibility to be helpful in return.
O.K., I'm part of society. I understand why she might expect support from her SIL since she supported her. What I don't understand is why she expects support from ME because she supported her SIL. I didn't ask her to do that and no one forced her. Why do I owe her support? Can you explain that to me? I don't have children by the way and never wanted them.
O.K., I'm part of society. I understand why she might expect support from her SIL since she supported her. What I don't understand is why she expects support from ME because she supported her SIL. I didn't ask her to do that and no one forced her. Why do I owe her support? Can you explain that to me? I don't have children by the way and never wanted them.
Support in the sense of empathy or compassion. Society has support groups all over for infertile couples but try to find a support group for a woman in her late 30s/40s who is struggling with being single and childless and you will not find one anywhere. Support in the sense of community verse tough luck you never got married/had kids or hummm what's wrong with her? I am surrounded at work with nonstop talk of kids, pregnancies, husbands, honeymoons, wedding planning etc and it is very difficult yet no one in my life supports me with an empathetic ear so I just shut up and float through life with nothing to look forward to in my future- no one to grow old with. When they need me I am always there. When I say support I mean support groups for others going through it (not by choice) just like support groups for couples going through it but they have each other as well as the group. My sister in law and brother went to lots of couples support groups for people trying to have kids and they said that made them not feel so alone in their struggles. It would be great if a single women facing the end years of fertility had such a supportive group, but instead she is told in essence her struggle does not matter.
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Life completely sucks!
