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I am extremely close to my grandpa. He raised me and was a father to me. Anyway, my gma passed away 3 years ago after a long battle with alzeheimers(sp). My g-pa made her illness (he took care of her) her death, and the years afterwards all about him, all about his grieving and if you didn't grieve that way he wanted you to grieve, you would then get hit with PA comments all the time. The day she died, literally, he called up her nieces and other family members asking them if they wanted her clothes. All of her clothes were gone within a week, which I still find extremely odd. He would go visit my g-ma's grave daily, which I don't find healthy either, and even normal invites over his house, he would out of no where put on depressing music and then pretend to cry. We tried to take him out places and keep him active, but he never once asked anyone else how they were doing, or what their feelings were after she died. My wedding day became all about my gma's death too. While I loved her dearly, I guess I grieved in a different way and felt like she had died about 7 years before her actual death, when the disease kicked in. I let all the comments about how I wasn't going to her grave often enough, how my conscious should be my guide and many other obnoxious comments roll off my back.
He spent most of his time home alone, at her grave and the one very good friend he had, he pretty much ran off due to his selfishness. The man has been battling cancer for years, and I guess spending time with his grandkids was more important then going to the bar weekly with my gpa. My gpa actually had the nerve to say how "Oh, they are just using him (meaning either his kids or wife) as a built in babysitter." My husband and I both suggested he join a seniors club and attempt to make friends his own age, be around people, but he refused. He instead would whine how the therapist who worked with my gma when he was alive no longer returns his calls (he's 30 years old and most likely doesn't keep contact with old clients) or his next door neighbor doesn't return his calls (again, he's 40, moved and apparently doesn't want to keep touch.) Every time we see him and he goes on and on about all the people he knows from the bar, and all his contacts, and yet in the next sentence he is wallowing how he has to eat alone. While I do feel bad he lost my g-ma, the thing with him is if anyone expresses how they feel, he will immediately trivialize it or say something very cold like"Oh, well someone always has it worst then you." and move on to talking about something trival, but heaven forbid anyone comes out with a comment like that to him.
So, he pretty much has kept up his daily routine, shopping, going for a walk, the bar and he frequents a casino in another state. He came out of nowhere a few months back saying "Oh, you know sometimes people need to seek out companions and it's just like what me and you are doing, talking." Now, I'm his grand-daughter, not his girlfriend, and whatever he wants to call it, maybe to ease "his conscience", go ahead. He then laughed saying "Oh, I may have 3 companions for all you know." I just said really. Since then, when I'm at his house, his cell phone is always ringing and he'll go outside to answer it. He once picked up a call while he was out with me, I could hear the woman's voice and he rushed her off the phone saying "Oh, I went out already." My mother and him have one of the most toxic, dysfunctional relationships I have ever seen and I know if I mentioned that he has a girlfriend he's hiding from us, I don't think she would take it lightly. I guess I don't like all the smoke and mirrors, talking outside in front of us and his excuses for getting a companion. I mean even the term he uses for it?
He's 80 years old and has chosen to pretty much not put himself out there to make friends, unless it's more like he actually doesn't want any. I'm not sure if he thinks I'm stupid, not going to say anything or what. I really don't know how I feel about it, since he was married to my gma for close to 50 years. He couldn't just make friends, like many elderly people do, but instead needs a "companion?" The creepiest thing out of all this is I was just at the house recently, and in his garbage can in plain site is a Victoria Secrets bag? Now, I know he don't wear women's lingerie.
I know many of you would say this is none of my business, which it isn't, but would you just tell him straight out listen, I know you have a girlfriend? Express my feelings about it?
He's still an adult no matter how old he is. He doesn't have to reveal intimate details of his life. He's 80, let him be the way he wants as long as he doesn't disturb your life.
He's still an adult no matter how old he is. He doesn't have to reveal intimate details of his life. He's 80, let him be the way he wants as long as he doesn't disturb your life.
So when the calls come in and he's all hush hush and running outside and using the word "We" when he takes his casino trips now, just play stupid? I'm guessing he doesn't plan on introducing her to us.
Maybe it is more exciting if he keeps her a secret or maybe he is just afraid that hostility will be expressed against her. There is no reason that a man that age can't have a companion and many a reason why he should. It is not at all uncommon for someone to visit a grave that often of a loved one. They go for the peace that they get from doing this. So, maybe you just have a "hot" grandpa and in having the same genetic material, you might get lucky when you are older too.
An old man finds a little happiness in life after taking care of and burying the woman he was married to for years? Stop hating on that man and stay out of business. As long as he isn't being taken advantage of it's none of your concern.
What do you mean your mom wouldn't take it lightly? Unless he is senile your mom also needs to mind her business. She is NOT his dad.
An old man finds a little happiness in life after taking care of and burying the woman he was married to for years? Stop hating on that man and stay out of business. As long as he isn't being taken advantage of it's none of your concern.
Whose hating? Actually, when you start randomly dropping lines like "Oh, I may have 3 companions for all you know.", I would say you are trying to make it my business. Otherwise, don't say anything if you don't want a response.
As long as he isn't being taken advantage of it's none of your concern.
What if grandpa is worth $3M and his new honey bunny tries to rearrange his will in such a way that our original poster gets written out of it? I think I'd make it my concern.
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