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Old 11-07-2007, 10:18 AM
 
238 posts, read 1,018,732 times
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Christmas is at our house this year. We spend a significant amount of time and money to see that everyone will have a positive experience at our home for the Holiday. I wonder though, if we need to invite all the relatives. How abut the mean ones? Why should we invite them?

One one my wife's sister is very cold and unfriendly. She is always angry when I try to talk to her and when I say things in group conversation she will try to make me look stupid. Her husband is even worse. He reminds me of the Homecoming King who would not talk to me when I was in High School. He acts like he is better than me and has an incredible arrogance about him. I just do not like him. (Neither does my wife) The rest of the family love him because he is so handsome and confident.

If it is my home should I have the right to invite some of my wife's family but not others? Have you ever not invited an immediate family member to a Holiday event AT YOUR HOME just because they were unfriendly or mean? Advice?
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Old 11-07-2007, 10:24 AM
 
356 posts, read 1,030,831 times
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I have a similar situation, but it is with a brother. All and all my family is wonderful and I enjoy seeing them, but one brother can be a total a**. My family is large and those of us in the southern region get together at my sister's house for Christmas. This year I am living in a larger place with an extra room and have asked if either my other sister or another brother would like to stay with us. I was asked if I would take "P" (the a**) and my response was, "He is not welcome to stay with us during the happiest time of the year". I would have no problem telling him this if he were to ask. There are 364 other days he can be miserable, but not at my house on Christmas. Boundaries are a good thing.
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Old 11-07-2007, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Who knows
2,355 posts, read 1,955,384 times
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I don't see it as a problem as long as you are saying the words in a diplomatic fashion. People like to push boundaries to see if the boundaries would actually stick. Just put your foot down and be honest. Honesty is the best policy.

Though not related to Christmas, I had a situation that was similar. I graduated from college last June and had a nicely-sized graduation party; I was paying for all the food, drinks, etc. Well, my aunt was dating this guy whom I did not like at all and felt that if I was paying for people to eat, drink, and be merry I wasn't going to pay for someone I did not like. So I bluntly told my aunt this. She wasn't too pleased but she came to my party nevertheless. She even had her boyfriend drop her off near my apartment, thinking she could sneak him in but I cut this activity off. I even thanked him for dropping her off and informed him this is where he could pick her up after the party.
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Old 11-07-2007, 10:41 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
16,469 posts, read 33,412,913 times
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I wouldn't have a problem not inviting a potentially unfriendly guest. If they want to come, then they have to be mature and be jolly along with the rest of the party. She is old enough to know better. Poor manners and poor sportsmanship are legitimate grounds for being shunned. She needs to learn a lesson in accountability imo. Once she starts to behave pleasantly, she earns her way back to your Christmas party. And if she misbehaves again, immediately hand her coat to her and show her the door.

Being unpleasant like that is plain childish nonsense and therefore you should be able to treat her like a child. So this Christmas, she gets a timeout from your party. Life is too short to compromise on situations like these. And you will have more fun without her... and that is exactly what you deserve for being such a good and generous hostess.
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Old 11-07-2007, 10:47 AM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
3,589 posts, read 2,971,445 times
Reputation: 533
Quote:
Originally Posted by goodtype View Post
Christmas is at our house this year. We spend a significant amount of time and money to see that everyone will have a positive experience at our home for the Holiday. I wonder though, if we need to invite all the relatives. How abut the mean ones? Why should we invite them?

One one my wife's sister is very cold and unfriendly. She is always angry when I try to talk to her and when I say things in group conversation she will try to make me look stupid. Her husband is even worse. He reminds me of the Homecoming King who would not talk to me when I was in High School. He acts like he is better than me and has an incredible arrogance about him. I just do not like him. (Neither does my wife) The rest of the family love him because he is so handsome and confident.

If it is my home should I have the right to invite some of my wife's family but not others? Have you ever not invited an immediate family member to a Holiday event AT YOUR HOME just because they were unfriendly or mean? Advice?
Just one bit of advice....you both need to realize that by not inviting this couple, you may create a rift between your wife and some of her family members. Some people can take things like this very personally for a VERY long time. My ex-mother-in-law was just the type of person who would set about trying to ruin your life for such a minor slight.
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Old 11-07-2007, 10:59 AM
 
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,109,309 times
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One thing I did learn from my 13 year marriage was that inviting difficult relatives to holiday gatherings IS NOT WORTH IT. My in-laws were raving alcoholics who always made a scene, ALWAYS. If I had to do it over again, I would never have invited them to our house or out to dinner.

I would not tell these relatives that they are not invited, I would just not invite them. If there is wrath afterward? These people don't live with you and don't have the right in influence your happiness under your own roof.

Mail any gifts to them early.

And most importantly, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!!!!!!!
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Old 11-07-2007, 11:04 AM
 
788 posts, read 1,887,472 times
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I have finally done it - last year we invited my parents to our house christmas eve for 1.5 hours - that was it
this year due to their behavior they are not welcome in our home and I will be dropping off and picking the children up christmas eve for 3 hours.......
I just can't take it anymore - if you're not on my tax return - you're optional!
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Old 11-07-2007, 11:10 AM
 
Location: OKC, OK
640 posts, read 336,412 times
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It's one day out of 365. People should get along. If not, ignore them and have a great time with everyone else. Being bigger than the party-pooper shows that you aren't going to let them ruin your good time. I did it every year for 14 years (in-laws). I'm glad I did because my girls love their grandparents and enjoyed their visits. The fact that the adults didn't get along wasn't their problem, so I didn't punish them by excluding grandma. If there aren't kids involved, maybe you can not invite the sore-heads. :-)
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Old 11-07-2007, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,109,309 times
Reputation: 967
Quote:
Originally Posted by I love the Bears View Post
I have finally done it - last year we invited my parents to our house christmas eve for 1.5 hours - that was it
this year due to their behavior they are not welcome in our home and I will be dropping off and picking the children up christmas eve for 3 hours.......
I just can't take it anymore - if you're not on my tax return - you're optional!
There is incredible wisdom in what I bolded....REP to you if they will let me!
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Old 11-07-2007, 11:18 AM
 
Location: NE Florida
17,835 posts, read 29,403,652 times
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goodtype
I though you said in another thread you started that you weren't spending money on christmas this year.
Hopefully everyones responses have bumped up your holiday spirit

Cherry picking is hard maybe instead your parents can host so you can stop in and leave when you want
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