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Old 06-30-2013, 07:54 AM
 
373 posts, read 561,132 times
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My parents act like they treat both of their children and three grandchildren fairly but it does not feel so on the recipient end.

For instance they went on vacation recently, brought me and sister in law each a piece of jewelry. My SO and brother got the same gifts. Each of the grand kids got the same gifts.

Well this week, my mother buys my daughter an item that she has no interest in but is related to my mothers hobby. Yesterday my mom bought my brother and nephew safety equipment related to another hobby, but then yelled at my daughter because she was not wearing the same type of equipment, while participating in said hobby. The child does not have it to wear. Maybe the money my mother spent on the useless hobby item, would have been better spent on the safety equipment my daughter does need and would use. Of course as my mom is justifying that she bought me the jewelry, and my daughter the useless item that will be kept at mothers house, so she bought nephew and brother safety items and now it is all equal.

I could have used the same item my mother bought my brother, yet I now own another piece of gaudy jewelry I wont wear. Really she could have brought me a .99 cent keychain and I would have been equally stoked. Really save your money instead of buying me crap I don't like, won't wear and will have to figure out how to unload at some point. Save your money and buy me something I really need at a later date. Such as the safety equipment item I don't have, that was important enought to make sure my nephew and brother had.

I know to appreciate just getting a gift. But I feel like my mother should not have been yelling at my daughter when she did not feel it was important enough to buy daughter the same equipment.

Is there a polite way to tell my mother to not buy us crap she feels we need and instead buy us the things we actually need? I really would rather get nothing then get crap we don't need, will never use and now have to store.
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Old 06-30-2013, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,220 posts, read 41,812,025 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty12 View Post

I know to appreciate just getting a gift.
No you don't.
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Old 06-30-2013, 04:34 PM
 
373 posts, read 561,132 times
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This post is not about getting the gift or not. It is way more in depth than that. I don't care if I never get a gift. I would prefer nothing to getting gifts that have strings attached and ulterior motives.
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Old 06-30-2013, 05:06 PM
 
13,161 posts, read 20,783,837 times
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Somehow I'm not feeling an ulterior motive, or strings attached. I'm hearing a woman who thinks she should dictate what gifts she receives.

If your daughter didn't have the necessary safety equipment to participate in an activity, you shouldn't have allowed it. YOU are the parent, it isn't your mother's responsibility to provide what's needed. If asked, you can make suggestions. You weren't asked, so the proper response is "thank you".
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Old 06-30-2013, 05:19 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,225 posts, read 22,600,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Somehow I'm not feeling an ulterior motive, or strings attached. I'm hearing a woman who thinks she should dictate what gifts she receives.

If your daughter didn't have the necessary safety equipment to participate in an activity, you shouldn't have allowed it. YOU are the parent, it isn't your mother's responsibility to provide what's needed. If asked, you can make suggestions. You weren't asked, so the proper response is "thank you".
Exactly. Whats the big deal anyway? It sounds like your Mother knows this upsets you, and perhaps does it on purpose. Blow it off, and go buy yourself what you want. Be thankful that she buys you anything at all!
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Old 06-30-2013, 05:24 PM
 
373 posts, read 561,132 times
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My mom bought my daughter a traditional girl gift for a hobby that is my moms. My daughter does not like the hobby. My mother then brags in front of my daughter that she bought equally expensive safety equipment for nephew, for a hobby that both children do.

Why does my mother buy different gifts for two children that have the same hobby? The strings attached I am referring to is this gift is really for the benefit of my mom and her hobby. The gift will stay at my parents house. My daughter does not like this hobby.

I feel bad for my daughter, because she feels like no one takes her interests into account and she really does end up with lots of gifts unrelated to her likes. Other grandchild is not forced into hobbies he dislikes. Daughter is. It seems to be not fair to me.

I will go buy her the equipment she needs to be safe. But I also informed my mother to not yell at the child to wear equipment that she does not own.

Does that clarify what I am referring to? It is not about gifts. It is treated the kids differently. One is allowed to like what they like and gets gifts supporting so, and the other gets pushed away and discouraged from participating in the same activities.
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Old 06-30-2013, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,225 posts, read 22,600,108 times
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Then you need to step up to the plate Mom, and confront her about this! Tell her exactly what you are saying to us on here! Tell her how much it hurts your daughter when she does not recognize her efforts just the same as the others.
Communication is a good start. Good luck!
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Old 06-30-2013, 05:32 PM
 
7,385 posts, read 13,229,957 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty12 View Post
My mom bought my daughter a traditional girl gift for a hobby that is my moms. My daughter does not like the hobby. My mother then brags in front of my daughter that she bought equally expensive safety equipment for nephew, for a hobby that both children do.

Why does my mother buy different gifts for two children that have the same hobby? The strings attached I am referring to is this gift is really for the benefit of my mom and her hobby. The gift will stay at my parents house. My daughter does not like this hobby.

I feel bad for my daughter, because she feels like no one takes her interests into account and she really does end up with lots of gifts unrelated to her likes. Other grandchild is not forced into hobbies he dislikes. Daughter is. It seems to be not fair to me.

I will go buy her the equipment she needs to be safe. But I also informed my mother to not yell at the child to wear equipment that she does not own.

Does that clarify what I am referring to? It is not about gifts. It is treated the kids differently. One is allowed to like what they like and gets gifts supporting so, and the other gets pushed away and discouraged from participating in the same activities.
You don't know what strings attachment is. Its when you give someone a gift, then demand something in return. That's not what your mom is doing. She's pretending to give a gift to your daughter.

She's obviously is a horrid gifter for your daughter. All you have to do is teach your daughter to have low expectations for her grandmother. You can't control what your mother does. You could tell her not to behave in such manner, but odds are it's useless to do so because she'll just do it again. If its so bad, then stop seeing your mom so much and giving her all these opportunities to offend you and your daughter.
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Old 06-30-2013, 05:47 PM
 
373 posts, read 561,132 times
Reputation: 486
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
Then you need to step up to the plate Mom, and confront her about this! Tell her exactly what you are saying to us on here! Tell her how much it hurts your daughter when she does not recognize her efforts just the same as the others.
Communication is a good start. Good luck!
I did this afternoon. She is now not talking to me. Oh well. Hopefully progress will be made.

My mom did the same crap to me growing up. My brother was allowed to race dirtbikes and atvs. She tried to make me learn to cook and sew. I snuck on the atvs and am a great rider today. I can't cook to save my life and I would rather have pins put in my eyes before taking up sewing.
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Old 06-30-2013, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,225 posts, read 22,600,108 times
Reputation: 24023
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty12 View Post
I did this afternoon. She is now not talking to me. Oh well. Hopefully progress will be made.

My mom did the same crap to me growing up. My brother was allowed to race dirtbikes and atvs. She tried to make me learn to cook and sew. I snuck on the atvs and am a great rider today. I can't cook to save my life and I would rather have pins put in my eyes before taking up sewing.
Well, good for you!! She needed to hear the truth, and realize that although she would love to see the girls stay in the kitchen and home, this is a whole different world now. Things are not the same as they used to be, and she needs to try and understand that.
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