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Sorry John, I didn't mean to stereotype and assume you would do that. Its a tough choice, actually. Women come and go, and you hope your friends are forever. On the other hand, I want a woman who will be with me forever. I think I have a problem finding those women, or maybe they're not out there. If I met one I thought was marriage material, I would choose her.
You give me hope that I'll eventually find a decent guy who wants to get married.
Do you mean I am not normal, or you aren't, or none of us are, or what?
(This was in response to my post about asking/giving help as a way of making friends.)
Oh I was just thinking about my friend here who only calls me when she needs my help. Otherwise she's too busy for me. It's very one-sided and that gets old. I don't consider her to be normal though.
Oh I was just thinking about my friend here who only calls me when she needs my help. Otherwise she's too busy for me. It's very one-sided and that gets old. I don't consider her to be normal though.
I'm a talker though. I work in a pretty social environment and my kids are very active so I'm always making new friends. I don't socialize with all of them frequently but from time to time I do.
What you're describing sounds more like acquaintances than real true friends. I found that as I got older it was harder to make real friends... acquaintances are almost a dime a dozen. Real friends are a lot more rare.
And now, in my 60s, I find it almost impossible. The women my age (it's a semi-rural area of the south) are all tied up with church activities, their grown children's lives and grandchildren. They have no time or interest in friends outside their little family groups and old established cliques.
This seems so much more difficult for me now than it used to be, even though I haven't changed. I'm wondering if something is wrong with me.
Peoples lives get busy, work, kids, the whole 9....... it's not you, you seem "normal" at least as normal as someone on an Internet forum could seem.
For me, I purposely don't have a lot of friends. I work hard all week, and when I'm off I want to be home or doing something with Mrs. Chow. I find that friends always want more than I'm willing to give.
Beside, I've always been a bit of a loner and an introvert anyways....
I think for a lot of people doing the meetup thing works well, at least in theory, as I've never gone to one. The premise sounds good, people get together around a common interest, such as book clubs or wine tasting events, or whatever floats people's boat.
Chow, meetup is hit or miss. Its a hit if you're in a big city (potentially), but mostly a miss in a smaller city (1 million or under). What I found in Atlanta when I started doing these after my divorce was that it could be a "nerd herd" of people I would never hang out with. I sort of got lucky in Oklahoma City when I found one that was very good. Thats one out of about 10 I joined. But its also hard for me as an introvert to do some of their events. I don't like being around a ton of people I don't know. I'm not socially awkward, just get quiet.
An ettiquette-loving friend of mine on another forum said that the traditional way to make friends is to ask for someone's help, that this creates a connection.
This was so counter-intuitive to me. When I think of all the cool people over the years who have offered me help with this or that little thing, and I said no out of a feeling of self-reliance or not wanting to be a bother -- maybe they were just trying to be friends!
I plan to say yes the next few times, even if/though I don't need help with whatever, and see how it goes .
That sounds just like me - I have also declined help out of self-reliance or feeling like I might be a bother, trying to do everything myself without bothering anybody else. Even though I wouldn't be bothering them because they want to help.
This reminds me of a blog that I read a while ago. It was about asking for help and accepting help when it's offered, and how that can help you make and keep friends. It reminded me of when a friend offered to help me carry some things from one place to another. I told her no thanks, I can carry all of this stuff. I ended up dropping something because I was carry so much. We were going to the same place so she wouldn't have even gone out of her way to help me carry something.
I've been accepting help more often since I read that blog, but I still catch myself declining help and having a do-it-yourself attitude towards everything when I don't have to.
I've been giving a lot of thought to getting a dog. Whats a good dog for a guy to get? I don't want a huge dog. I prefer smaller dogs, but want one that's still considered manly. I love Collies and Shelties, but I think both might be too high maintenance for me.
Maybe a Jack Russell Terrier. I've seen men with Jack Russells.
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