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Old 11-08-2007, 06:48 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,407,427 times
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Hello all,

I went out the other night (halloween) had a blast. Met my roommate and his friends for a little bit then went back to the gay dance clubs with my new semi-friend. I've felt rather sick with a cold lately, heavy and sleepy type feeling for almost a week now. So, I had not been able to go out even when my roommate had invited me for pizza and a movie with his friend, which I was so glad that he did, I really appreciated that very much. I guess he realized that I am not so bad after all. Like I said I am gregarious and pretty darn friendly guy. Someday I hope to go out again and see what his type of friends are like....the ones I met seemed pretty laid back and didn't talk too much, so it was difficult for me to gauge that, but were friendly enough for me at that point.

OK, so this is the town to make new friends, since it is college!! Gay guys on facebook are very rejecting of me and unwilling to talk. My counseler said that it is common for homosexuals to suffer from internalized homophobia; therefore it is understandable that they might be rejecting. I guess it is their major loss. Why be out of the closet if you are going to be so rejecting?? makes no sense. I realize that is not a good choice or avenue in which to make new friends.

My groups in college are not too friendly. Mostly only concerned with doing the work. My friendly messages are usually ignored. hmmm. Don't get me wrong these people are not rude or horrible, just not friendly, they want to only get the work done and be finished with it, which is cool with me.

So, I do go to gay churches and dance clubs. That is pretty much the only social events I have as of now. So, any other advice on how to make new friends?
I open to advice NOT criticism or insults. Thanks in advance
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Old 11-08-2007, 08:25 PM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,821,569 times
Reputation: 25432
Volunteering is often a good way to meet people and the people there are interested in the same things you are. Plus you have the added benefit of getting out of your head and helping someone else.
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Old 11-08-2007, 08:29 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,647 posts, read 74,585,953 times
Reputation: 48140
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Hello all,

I went out the other night (halloween) had a blast. Met my roommate and his friends for a little bit then went back to the gay dance clubs with my new semi-friend. I've felt rather sick with a cold lately, heavy and sleepy type feeling for almost a week now. So, I had not been able to go out even when my roommate had invited me for pizza and a movie with his friend, which I was so glad that he did, I really appreciated that very much. I guess he realized that I am not so bad after all. Like I said I am gregarious and pretty darn friendly guy. Someday I hope to go out again and see what his type of friends are like....the ones I met seemed pretty laid back and didn't talk too much, so it was difficult for me to gauge that, but were friendly enough for me at that point.

OK, so this is the town to make new friends, since it is college!! Gay guys on facebook are very rejecting of me and unwilling to talk. My counseler said that it is common for homosexuals to suffer from internalized homophobia; therefore it is understandable that they might be rejecting. I guess it is their major loss. Why be out of the closet if you are going to be so rejecting?? makes no sense. I realize that is not a good choice or avenue in which to make new friends.

My groups in college are not too friendly. Mostly only concerned with doing the work. My friendly messages are usually ignored. hmmm. Don't get me wrong these people are not rude or horrible, just not friendly, they want to only get the work done and be finished with it, which is cool with me.

So, I do go to gay churches and dance clubs. That is pretty much the only social events I have as of now. So, any other advice on how to make new friends?
I open to advice NOT criticism or insults. Thanks in advance
why criticize you? it was a good post! sounds like you are doin pretty good.
i would stick with the resources you are using and see if they direct you to some other good resources. keep it up. you got rep.
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Old 11-08-2007, 08:42 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,595 posts, read 35,273,218 times
Reputation: 14699
I'm not gay so I'm no help.
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Old 11-08-2007, 09:07 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,047 posts, read 21,646,034 times
Reputation: 5052
ditto the above...the harder you look, the worse it will get. Immerse yourself in activities you enjoy...eventually you will meet like-minded friends.
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Old 11-08-2007, 09:36 PM
 
1,727 posts, read 1,448,439 times
Reputation: 388
These other posters have read my mind, but said it so much more eloquently.

I think the best way to meet friends (and to build really long term friendships) is to do joint projects. Volunteer work is the best example. I think that people really bond when they go through a joint experience of some kind. Like, you could do a rigorous mountain climb with a group of strangers for 3 days and end up lifelong friends, yet you could talk to someone every day before a class and five years later not even remember their name.

{I'm not saying you have to be a mountain climber, but I hope I'm making sense}

The other thing is that it sounds like you are trying too hard - compared to the people around you. In some places, people might tend to be extremely friendly and chatty. However, it sounds like you are in a place where you are supposed to play it cool. Personally I'd take warm friendly types any day over the play it cool types, but what are you going to do?

I'd try to get absorbed into activities that you enjoy. Then you will naturally start to meet people and hopefully find a few who aren't, well, meanies.
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Old 11-08-2007, 10:11 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,671 posts, read 58,362,608 times
Reputation: 26526
artsyguy:

Why didn't you add this follow-up to your previous post instead of starting a new thread? Do you think that by starting a new thread you will have your questions answered in some other format? Pray tell!

To those who have answered "artsyguy" on this go-around, check out the previous thread for more info on this chap. Cheers!
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Old 11-08-2007, 10:14 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,126 posts, read 34,619,338 times
Reputation: 16203
You're in college. Just try to fit in some extra curricular activities without letting your grades drop. Volunteer work is a great idea. Focus less on meeting other gays, but just meet all kinds of people your own age and have fun. Try not to worry about getting a boyfriend or hookups, but just meet people. College is also about developing a social network for after graduation.

The easiest good friends to have will be those who enjoy the same kinds of activities and interests that you have. And partying or being gay doesn't make for a strong enough bond. If you don't have any hobbies, then look for some. Try some cool stuff like fencing or get involved in a theatre group. In college, you have a wonderful chance to try these things more easily than later on after graduation.
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Old 11-08-2007, 10:41 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,505 posts, read 23,769,243 times
Reputation: 8838
It may sound trite, but many times you meet people when you arent looking. Be yourself.

I know I went through a bad separation this past summer, and made many good friends (and dates) just being myself. Life can be better, when you least expect it!
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Old 11-08-2007, 10:54 PM
 
1,961 posts, read 3,757,828 times
Reputation: 2762
lol, the people who answered "I am not gay, so I can not help" crack me up. As if that has anything to do with it.

TO artsguy: Just try to get involved in as many activities that interest you as possible. They don't necessarily have to be gay-friendly groups, although that could serve a purpose too in helping you have a support system. What about getting together with people for dinner and study session, that way you can combine some socializing along with getting work done. Are there any clubs that seem interesting to you?

Eventually, you will find a group of people that you click with. I think the best way to do that is get involved in activities that you enjoy, and you have an instant common interest.

Have fun, and try not to get down about it!
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