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Old 07-13-2013, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Man with a tan hat
799 posts, read 1,318,045 times
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Just looking for strategies here. I have three sisters. One is 35, and thinks she knows EVERYTHING. Another is 44, and generally pretty non-confrontational.

During a recent conversation with both of them, older sis one told the know it all that she went with a friend to look at a puppy and said when/where she went. The younger sis went on for a full five minutes about how my sister is encouraging purchasing puppies from puppy mills. My older sis protested weakly that she saw where the puppies slept, met the parent dogs, and it seemed that they were socialized. This was not good enough. Know it all sis is convinced that older sis went to a puppy mill and won't let it drop.

I changed the subject then but this kind of stuff happens all the time and she keeps harping on the puppy mill which is absurd. Younger sis is a bully and tries this with everyone. She has to be the supreme queen of knowledge in all subjects.

Anyone have an idea of how to shut this down?
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Old 07-13-2013, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,262 posts, read 41,844,197 times
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The ONLY way to shut it down is NOT to play. She thrives on arguing, so you cannot argue.

"I appreciate your opinion. I'll do what I think is best."

The follow-through is the most important part, though, not the "comeback."

Last edited by BirdieBelle; 07-13-2013 at 02:37 PM.. Reason: typo
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Old 07-13-2013, 02:32 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,185,972 times
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Have to admit .. I would have suggested "have you ever heard of Petfinder.com? You'll be saving a life and getting just as good a dog as you would have through a breeder. Likely to be less expensive as well." And that would have been that. I would have asked for pictures or a puppy visit when the new family member arrived.

Ditto to the previous poster's suggestion. The "drop the rope" option tends to work the best with bullies. Also, the "get up and leave if they don't stop yammering" method is suggested. Sometimes a b* slap is called for, but that is really only observed through your teen years
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Old 07-13-2013, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,262 posts, read 41,844,197 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwing View Post
Have to admit .. I would have suggested "have you ever heard of Petfinder.com? You'll be saving a life and getting just as good a dog as you would have through a breeder. Likely to be less expensive as well." And that would have been that. I would have asked for pictures or a puppy visit when the new family member arrived.

Ditto to the previous poster's suggestion. The "drop the rope" option tends to work the best with bullies. Also, the "get up and leave if they don't stop yammering" method is suggested. Sometimes a b* slap is called for, but that is really only observed through your teen years
I love the "drop the rope" metaphor.

The thing is, OP, there is no satisfying, sassy comeback that is going to shut her up, put her in her place, AND cause her to SUDDENLY see the error of her ways.
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Old 07-13-2013, 02:53 PM
 
12,886 posts, read 15,432,494 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthedealwith View Post
Just looking for strategies here. I have three sisters. One is 35, and thinks she knows EVERYTHING. Another is 44, and generally pretty non-confrontational.

During a recent conversation with both of them, older sis one told the know it all that she went with a friend to look at a puppy and said when/where she went. The younger sis went on for a full five minutes about how my sister is encouraging purchasing puppies from puppy mills. My older sis protested weakly that she saw where the puppies slept, met the parent dogs, and it seemed that they were socialized. This was not good enough. Know it all sis is convinced that older sis went to a puppy mill and won't let it drop.

I changed the subject then but this kind of stuff happens all the time and she keeps harping on the puppy mill which is absurd. Younger sis is a bully and tries this with everyone. She has to be the supreme queen of knowledge in all subjects.

Anyone have an idea of how to shut this down?
Hey, by now all you sisters know pretty well what to expect from each other. There's always one of those know-it-all types in darn near every family. The best way to deal with it is to not let it bother you...like your older sis doesn't..she knows there's no use or benefit, explaining anything to her younger sis, thus the "weak protest". Doesn't mean she has to listen to it though, or agree at all (sometimes it's easier to just avoid confrontation)...and neither do you...just change the subject...talk over her, or let her get all her "wisdom" out so she'll cool down....then just go do what you were going to, any ways.
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Old 07-13-2013, 04:16 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,185,972 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I love the "drop the rope" metaphor.

The thing is, OP, there is no satisfying, sassy comeback that is going to shut her up, put her in her place, AND cause her to SUDDENLY see the error of her ways.
Thanks

Someone as old as the OP's sister, I suppose the best you can hope for is to get her to shut up . I am a little flummoxed that the siblings seem cowed by the younger sister. I wonder if she was the spoiled baby, with her sisters conditioned by their parents to let her have her way?

In my family the mantra was "you kids settle it between yourselves." A swift fist fight, followed by the parental admonition "now shake hands and make up" established a fairly level pecking order among us
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Old 07-13-2013, 04:25 PM
 
Location: Man with a tan hat
799 posts, read 1,318,045 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwing View Post
Thanks

Someone as old as the OP's sister, I suppose the best you can hope for is to get her to shut up . I am a little flummoxed that the siblings seem cowed by the younger sister. I wonder if she was the spoiled baby, with her sisters conditioned by their parents to let her have her way?

In my family the mantra was "you kids settle it between yourselves." A swift fist fight, followed by the parental admonition "now shake hands and make up" established a fairly level pecking order among us

Yes and yes.

I am actually a brother and have three sisters and a brother who is biologically a cousin my mother took in from her own sister (we grew up like siblings and he was eventually adopted). My mother was single parent who worked three jobs as we were very poor. The oldest sister is 46 and was the de facto parent much of the time while mom was at work. She spoiled the youngest one rotten and even she can't put up with her for any length of time now.

Youngest sister is unable to maintain a relationship and has been pursuing various academic degrees for 15 years. She has an opinion on EVERYTHING. She also never has any money but is forever telling all of us how to spend ours. And she is an expert on child rearing, pets, cars, medicine, hiring contractors, insurance, budget travel, any job that any of us hold, you name it. She knows it. She is better at it than we are.
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Old 07-13-2013, 04:26 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,988 posts, read 14,673,335 times
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Why don't you just grin REAL BIG and say, "I'll be sure and do that. I have seen the error of my ways", continuing to smile? A few of those (maybe more, if she is thick-headed), and she will stop giving her advice. She will just think you are making fun of her (and you will be). Yet, no fighting has taken place. More like amused tolerance, which she will not want repeated.
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Old 07-13-2013, 04:53 PM
 
Location: On the aggravation installment plan...
501 posts, read 667,029 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthedealwith View Post
Yes and yes.

I am actually a brother and have three sisters and a brother who is biologically a cousin my mother took in from her own sister (we grew up like siblings and he was eventually adopted). My mother was single parent who worked three jobs as we were very poor. The oldest sister is 46 and was the de facto parent much of the time while mom was at work. She spoiled the youngest one rotten and even she can't put up with her for any length of time now.

Youngest sister is unable to maintain a relationship and has been pursuing various academic degrees for 15 years. She has an opinion on EVERYTHING. She also never has any money but is forever telling all of us how to spend ours. And she is an expert on child rearing, pets, cars, medicine, hiring contractors, insurance, budget travel, any job that any of us hold, you name it. She knows it. She is better at it than we are.
Clearly being polite with her has not worked, why not just go the other route and just shut her down with what you stated (bolded text), "Sister's name you have been <insert bolded text> , have you at least managed to figure out what you want to do once you grow up yet? No one asked you for your opinion not before and not in this discussion but due to your own lack of self esteem and failures you feel the need to project those feelings onto others. No one cares or respects your b******t opinion so please learn some manners and at the very least read a book with the some level of true comprehension and understanding on the subject matter you claim to be knowledgeable of before interjecting. Please go have a seat and go f*** yourself you rude brazen b****."

Or something to the effect that will put this bully permanently in her place.
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Old 07-13-2013, 05:46 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,868 posts, read 14,377,315 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I love the "drop the rope" metaphor.

The thing is, OP, there is no satisfying, sassy comeback that is going to shut her up, put her in her place, AND cause her to SUDDENLY see the error of her ways.
I agree. You can dream up all sorts of put downs, but they will only backfire. When she starts one of her rants, or whatever she does, get up and leave the room. You should not have to listen to someone who exhibits a 'superiority complex' all the time, about everything. The best way to shut her down is to deprive her of an audience.

You might make an alliance with your oldest sister, who seems to perhaps need an ally. You two should get together from time to time without bossy know it all, especially if you want to have a decent conversation with her.

It sounds to me like your know it all sis is also a bit of a Drama Queen.
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