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My mother used my father's laptop the other day and found his email open. She saw several emails with highly sexual content and many of them were answers to escort ads.
They had a huge argument and my father said he also had reasons to doubt her. He said he was always suspicious about me (I'm the younger son and the one he likes the least). Therefore he wants a paternity test done on me and my brothers as well.
He's 65 and she's 57. She keeps crying and doesn't know what to do. I know what she should do but she has never left him. In the past he has got two of his assistants and three of his patients pregnant but he always managed to convince them to have an abortion.
Women, any suggestion? I'm okay with the paternity test, there's no way I'm not his son. The nose, the eyes, the mouth are copies of his. I even have the same birth mark in the chest.
This is what I call "revisionist history". Some people have to justify their "wrong" action so their ego remains intact and they live up to their high standards/values. So, they revise the "story" and all conflicts and difficulties are emphasized, exaggerated, or even fabricated. They become openly critical, unpleasant. When they leave, they can then tell the story of abuse and unhappiness they had to live with. This is most often the case when someone (a person who doesn't work through conflict, but avoids it) is planning a break-up and building justification for leaving. This allows the leaver to feel justified and not in conflict with his high values. Nuts? Yes, but it happens often, the need for justification and rationalization are strong from someone who is decommitting.
If you got the paternity tests and proved him wrong, he will likely not apologize - he'll just find something else to focus on. He may even become angry because she "proved" him wrong and if he's narcissistic (which I sense he is), he will not appreciate having someone tell him he's not perfect. I feel for you and your mother.
My eldest brother just got a vasectomy and the other one is planning to do so. I might get one later this year, I certainly wouldn't pass on my father's blood. No one deserves such genes.
Emotional dysfunction is not guaranteed because of genetic make-up. There can be a predisposition for problems because of genes, but behavior is still your choice and you are very aware of the destructive impact your dad has on the family. We learn from bad lessons as well as good. Your future does not have to look like his life.
Last edited by BraveHeart01; 07-28-2013 at 06:46 PM..
dna is a scary thing. i recommend it for everybody. you have no idea how many lies our families tell us.
as brought out in the ann rice novels, humans lie a great deal.
Emotional dysfunction is not guaranteed because of genetic make-up. There can be a predisposition for problems because of genes, but behavior is still your choice and you are very aware of the destructive impact your dad has on the family. We learn from bad lessons as well as good. Your future does not have to look like his life.
IMHO, as a parent of grown children, an elementary level teacher for 30 plus years and with a Masters Degree in Early Childhood Development, a dad/grandfather can show love and affection to a son without "babying" him. I believe that it is very important for a son to know that he is loved by his parents/grandparents..
Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidJK
There has to be a figure of authority around. I think my brothers are a bit too cuddly with my nephews.
All of the excellent parents (good fathers and mothers) that I know are affectionate and are still able to be authority figures to their children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidJK
I think after 2 years old there should be no physical contact between father and son. I'm trying to teach my middle nephew how to handshake but he always comes for a hug when he sees me.
I strongly, strongly, strongly disagree with you. There is no cut off age of when a child is too old for an affectionate hug or pat on the back from their father, that includes adult sons age 30 or 40 and their fathers of age 60 or 70.
Now, many families greatly decrease physical contact after puberty and that is fine, as the son grew up knowing that he is loved and cherished by both parents. But, I would challenge you to find any child development professional or well qualified educator who would agree with you that a male child should not have hugs or other appropriate physical contact after age two.
Reconsider hugging your toddler age nephew rather than shaking hands with him. Save the handshakes for when he becomes a teen. Still, feel free to give him hugs at his graduation and wedding and other monumental occasions.
There is no cut off age of when a child is too old for an affectionate hug or pat on the back from their father, that includes adult sons age 30 or 40 and their fathers of age 60 or 70.
I'm starting to this guy is almost as whacked out as his father. Maybe all three of them (father, mother, him) should just stay away from his nephews. They aren't doing them any favors.
I'm starting to this guy is almost as whacked out as his father. Maybe all three of them (father, mother, him) should just stay away from his nephews. They aren't doing them any favors.
I love my nephews dearly, why should I stay away from them? I do so many things with them, I take them to the cinema, swimming, they always come to me to play with them. I try to be with them to give my brothers and respective partners a rest once in a while.
It might be now but at the time it wouldn't. It was no one's business.
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That's not being strict
