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Old 11-17-2007, 02:06 AM
 
1,218 posts, read 3,584,968 times
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At my advanced age (I'm 49), I've come to understand that most aware men recognize that they need male friends that they can turn to in times of crisis. I have probably three that I can name who have been there for me when life's problems were so gargantuan that I was brought to tears. And I have been there for them under similar circumstances.

I am also proud to say that I have a number of male relationships that go back DECADES. They're not the same as those above, but when we get together, we pick up like we had never been apart. Some of these friends live thousands of miles away.

It is important for men to have healthy male/male relationships. I'm finding that the wives of my friends support and encourage this because far too many men get wrapped up in the hunter/gatherer ethic and then have no one when something major hits.

I do not spend hours on the phone with any of my friends--that would bore me to tears. I also don't write long, rambling letters or e-mails to my friends. We will share stuff via e-mail, and we'll send jokes, but it's not voluminous. I think it would be primarily gay en who would do the above.

I think you are correct in that women tend to have closer relationships. That's the nature of our society because men are taught not to feel, not to emote, not to cry. And God forbid that two men could have a close loving relationship. Too many men are too insecure with their sexuality because they'd be afraid of being labeled homosexual.
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Old 11-21-2007, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Sheffield, England
2,639 posts, read 5,933,041 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goodtype View Post
I do not know many men who have real close friends. I see men who have drinking buddies, activity partners (golf and bowing) and groups of work friends who have lunch and talk about sports. But none of the men I know are really true friends who you could:

Call in the middle of the night crying
Have lunch with one on one and spill your heart out to
Spend hours on the phone talking to
Write long rambling emails or letters to

I think women have closer friendships and I am envious about it. Do you agree?
I know exactly what you mean. I'm a guy and I only have one friend who I really consider 'close'. Ever since I was little I have always had great trouble talking to people on the phone. I'm always told that I sound very confident and self-assured but I always get really nervous. I talk to this friend on the phone for hours at a time though and never feel awkward and he's the first person I've ever met who I've been able to do this with. I think most guys see it as 'girly' (I really hate that word) to have that kind of relationship with another guy but I love it because if I have a problem or just want a chat there's always someone other than family I can turn to. He really is the first person I've ever met who I've been able to tell anything and have been on the same wavelength with from the word go.
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Old 11-21-2007, 03:26 PM
 
3,567 posts, read 7,519,872 times
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I look at the value of my friendships and I really feel that men have very poor-quality friends most of the time.

I mean, I really do have friends that I can call anytime, anywhere, crying... and they'll listen, and immediately offer support. And the best part? I can do it the next day, and the next, and the week after that, and they'll still be involved (I've never done this, but some friends have).

I think it's probably harder for men.
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Old 11-21-2007, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Who knows
2,355 posts, read 1,956,795 times
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My husband is the type of guy who doesn't have a lot of friends but rather a fistful of close ones. Out of that small bunch, there's only one of them who he has cried his eyes out (he was in a terrible first marriage and proceeded to mope about afterwards), to hang out at lunch with or talk about deep subjects with. They are good friends but I see the relationship more brotherly. I, on the other hand, have very close friends but do not view them as family. Not sure why but I like having good friends without calling them my sister or whatnot. But that's me.
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Old 08-31-2009, 09:19 PM
 
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What do you think of a guy who has a male friend for 10 years, they are so close that a women could never be either's best friend? This friendship has kept them from developing emotional ties to a woman. A woman could never live up to the best friend's standard for the other, so they remain single and looking for a woman. Does this ring a bell to anyone?
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Old 08-31-2009, 09:26 PM
 
3,902 posts, read 4,413,963 times
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I have a few close friends but i rarely open up to them like i do a women...Im close with my buddies but we just kid around alot and talk allot of BS..

Partly because i feel weird opening up to other grown men and partly because in general im a quiet laid back person and not the type of person to talk about myself allot and i feel like im burdening people by whining or bringing up my problems to them...
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Old 08-31-2009, 09:46 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,337,964 times
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By "really close friends" do you mean men you can cuddle with in bed and Eskimo kiss on a cold winter day? On occasion you let him poke you with his warm light saber?

Quote:
Originally Posted by goodtype View Post
I do not know many men who have real close friends. I see men who have drinking buddies, activity partners (golf and bowing) and groups of work friends who have lunch and talk about sports. But none of the men I know are really true friends who you could:

Call in the middle of the night crying
Have lunch with one on one and spill your heart out to
Spend hours on the phone talking to
Write long rambling emails or letters to

I think women have closer friendships and I am envious about it. Do you agree?
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Old 08-31-2009, 09:47 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,337,964 times
Reputation: 6944
I'm the same way. I don't like whining.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980 View Post

Partly because i feel weird opening up to other grown men and partly because in general im a quiet laid back person and not the type of person to talk about myself allot and i feel like im burdening people by whining or bringing up my problems to them...
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Old 08-31-2009, 09:48 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,337,964 times
Reputation: 6944
Men don't cry. They get drunk.

Quote:
Originally Posted by coldwine View Post
I mean, I really do have friends that I can call anytime, anywhere, crying... and they'll listen, and immediately offer support. And the best part? I can do it the next day, and the next, and the week after that, and they'll still be involved (I've never done this, but some friends have).

I think it's probably harder for men.
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Old 08-31-2009, 10:04 PM
 
19 posts, read 40,992 times
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Well you guys are really nice, but see that still does not give me any insight to these guys... and yes I mean plural. I have dated 2 20ish year olds where their friends got in the way of our relationship. The first guy is 30 now and still best friends with his male companion. The current 20 year old just let his friendship w his male friends wipe our relationship away. I saw it coming this time tho. We always had to hangout with his friends and alone time was after everyone had gone. Our relationship was not important anymore and I got left behind more and more. Till finally the call never came, and I never called.
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