Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think its wrong and undignified to not judge/discern whether someone else youre considering being a friend with , has some basic integrity/morals/ethics/values/principles since all of these are going to come into play in the newly formed relationship and shall continue. Yes, we all fail...but there are some people who actually get comfortable in their failures to where they dont care anymore and choose to do it all the more. I can pass on friends like that . I need deep friendships where personal integrity isnt optional .
If such people find me 'lacking' because I require basic integrity and self dignity from another, then I find them too shallow for my friendship and for the work im willing to put into maintaining the friendship .
I think it is wrong to be tolerant to ongoing, repeated, apathetic , immoral/unethical ways of living by another regardless of who they are when they are associated with you ; the reason America is so morally corrupt today is because peoples arent willing to be loving enough to tactfully call another to account and instead , they could care less. Its called twisted tolerance which is nothing more than apathy .
I'm friendly with everyone but time has a way of pulling your closer or farther apart depending on your common ground so I never worry about this. Sometimes it's fun to hang out with someone who sees the world different than me. I don't mean in dangerous ways but I can't imagine not wanting to be friends with someone because they eat meat or whatever. If someone is a jerk, or cruel, or incredibly stupid, obviously we will be pulled apart pretty quickly.
How odd is it? Personally, I find it VERY odd.....your intolerance of those who believe differently than you do. Although it's wise to associate mainly with those whose moral compass is pointed in the direction of "good", you are isolating yourself from others with your intolerance. In your eyes, there is only black and white. Your way or the highway.
If you don't make some changes, I predict that you're going to be a very lonely, miserable human being. Don't look for a mirror image of yourself, when choosing friends. Look for those who accept you for who you are, and people who don't try to cram their beliefs and habits down your throat.....THEN, learn to be the same kind of person you're looking for in a friend. Of course, you'll want your close friends to have "similar" interests, but they shouldn't have to be EXACTLY like you. Again, you are the one with the problem and yeah...it's odd, but it's more than that.....it's sad.
I can TOLERATE people who have poor morals/behavior in their day to day life. But to put work into maintaining a PERSONAL relationship with them is another story. It's not just behaving DIFFERENTLY, Mel, it is behaving in a manner that is lowly and not worthy of respect.
I expect people of my age and education to have to common sense to do what is right. If they cannot, then I will not have respect for them. Respect is crucial in a relationship.
Another of my girl friends did crack. When I first met her, I didn't know this. When I found out, I tried to see past that, but ultimately, I didn't respect her and that got in the way of things.
Another of my friends was always unreasonably combative to an authority figure and it not only got in the way of MY relationship with that authority figure, but was emotionally draining.
Also, being an Atheist, I have had many friends who were religious, and though I also tried to see past this, I thought they were ultimately plain dumb. Believing in stupid made up stories, thinking praying to some dude in the sky will make their life better, thinking having a man wash them in some water (baptism) will make them go to a pleasant place in the sky after dying (and thinking if they don't go in that water, they will have to burn in fire after death for eternity), thinking someone is watching them and will send them to hell if they say certain words...then thinking if they tell some guy in a booth all the stuff they did wrong, everything will be okay and they can go to heaven again if they did a bunch of awful things. As much as people say we should respect people with different religious beliefs, I wouldn't think any differently than that of a 35 year old man who still believes in Santa Claus. We should not think our friends are stupid, that causes problems down the line.
I think they key is to find someone who has similar beliefs and habits as you, so there WON'T be problems in the future between them.
I think they key is to find someone who has similar beliefs and habits as
you, so there WON'T be problems in the future between them.
Until someone changes their mind about something at least. People do that all the time. If you are looking for a mirror of yourself you will not find it. That doesn't mean you have to be friends with whoever your eyes land on, or be friends with them forever. Sure, be a little picky who you let into your life, but not so picky that you end up talking to yourself.
You sound extremely young with the "eating babies" example. You will no doubt change your mind about many things over the course of your life. It just takes one person to or one event to make change happen. My daughter turned her vegetarian bf into a carnivore in less than 6 months. Of course he was only a vegetarian because his last gf was but whatever. She has vegetarian/vegan friends and while they mock each other they are still friends. How is that possible you may ask? Maturity.
for example, i want friends who are like me when it comes to personal decisions. those who are faithful to only one partner (monogamous), people compassionate enough to other creatures to be vegetarian, people who care about the world enough to recycle and compost.
for example, before i've had friends who were simply cruel to others, who were thieves to people i didn't know, who cheated on their partners, who tried to seduce another person in a relationship. most of these people didn't care one bit for animals or the earth, and this annoyed me a bit, and i annoyed them when i tried convincing them to change their ways (recycling). who practically worshipped stupid celebrities and rich people on TV (like that show with Paris Hilton) by giving them so much attention.
it seems unnatural to specifically seek people who think like me out. and the only way i can seem to do that, making sure we're on the same page is by posting an ad describing my attributes and those i seek in a potential friend, then arranging to meet whoever replies. i am very picky about the people i choose to have personal relationships with, and prefer to go through life alone rather than spend my extracurricular time with those with poor taste and unrefined choice-making.
i guess this makes me sound like a snob. either that or antisocial, or both.
but my question is...how odd is it?
Of course not??? This is kind of a no brainer and a bit of a silly question to ask. Here let me tell you a quick story. When I was in my freshman year of college, I had found what I thought was a really great group of girlfriends, until I discovered I was the only virgin.
It wasn't me that was uncomfortable with them not being virgins, it was them judging me for being one. They would say "I'd grow cobwebs," laugh at me when saying guys wouldn't like me, and one even went so far to spread rumors telling guys I wasn't a virgin but played sweet and innocent and that my hugs (I'm a hugger haha ) are just me trying to be "sexually sweet"
Needless to say, I was the least experienced out of them all, didn't have my first kiss til I was 18 and wouldn't have even hugged a guy in hs out of fear they'd try to pressure me into sex (which happened), but still had guys trying to hook up with me like I was the campus ***** because of this nasty rumor.
Drastic case, but one that happens all too often and is why having friends with similar views a good idea. A better idea would be to have friends that can RESPECT your differing views (as long as they aren't hurtful or damaging to them).
I can TOLERATE people who have poor morals/behavior in their day to day life. But to put work into maintaining a PERSONAL relationship with them is another story. It's not just behaving DIFFERENTLY, Mel, it is behaving in a manner that is lowly and not worthy of respect.
I expect people of my age and education to have to common sense to do what is right. If they cannot, then I will not have respect for them. Respect is crucial in a relationship.
Another of my girl friends did crack. When I first met her, I didn't know this. When I found out, I tried to see past that, but ultimately, I didn't respect her and that got in the way of things.
Another of my friends was always unreasonably combative to an authority figure and it not only got in the way of MY relationship with that authority figure, but was emotionally draining.
Also, being an Atheist, I have had many friends who were religious, and though I also tried to see past this, I thought they were ultimately plain dumb. Believing in stupid made up stories, thinking praying to some dude in the sky will make their life better, thinking having a man wash them in some water (baptism) will make them go to a pleasant place in the sky after dying (and thinking if they don't go in that water, they will have to burn in fire after death for eternity), thinking someone is watching them and will send them to hell if they say certain words...then thinking if they tell some guy in a booth all the stuff they did wrong, everything will be okay and they can go to heaven again if they did a bunch of awful things. As much as people say we should respect people with different religious beliefs, I wouldn't think any differently than that of a 35 year old man who still believes in Santa Claus. We should not think our friends are stupid, that causes problems down the line.
I think they key is to find someone who has similar beliefs and habits as you, so there WON'T be problems in the future between them.
You know what, I'm sad I even thought your perspective was coming from a place of genuine thought and tact. Your problem is that you just lack just that...tact. You may be atheist but I think you are just as dumb as those religious people you call dumb, why?? How can you believe that a simple spec created this world, what created that spec, and then what created the ions and particles, etc, etc that created that spec...the world is too vast and too mysterious to say that something must be one way. I'd be a fool to think that there is ONLY ONE possibility in how say...the world came about. We aren't talking about something simplistic here, and it's the same thing with race, culture, sexuality, diet...these areas are too broad to marginalize and demean one perspective because it doesn't fit your very tiny view of things.
You may not care, but you'll miss out on a lot of wonderful people, friendships, and love if you just write people off. If you had trulygiven those friends a chance, it wouldn't have been that easy to just let things fall apart.
OP: Think of it this way - most of society wants friends with the same values as they have and since most of society is superficial and immoral, there are lots of people sharing those values and they don't think of themselves as weird.
It's the more thoughtful, moral people who buck popular ideas that then begin to feel weird because they are so few in number.
You have high standards and you know yourself. That is a good thing.
If you want to be "popular" instead, that would be easy enough to do but I hope you stick by your guns and maybe join some organizations with like-minded people and then you won't feel (or be) so isolated.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) are just me trying to be "sexually sweet" 
