"Bless your heart" a backhanded insult or caring thought? (husband, conversation)
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I also want to say...my sister used to live in NYC and when she finally moved away, was in the terrible habit of telling everyone to eff off. When someone says that to you, please tell me how it ISN'T mean spirited or confrontational? Everything about that term is confrontational...and I believe some of you think it's your right to tell anyone whatever you think. One of the things I appreciate about the southern culture is that they are NOT rude to your face. I would appreciate more directness as well, as has been pointed out, but in your face profanity is not a nice way to approach someone. Just sayin'...
All y'all who think it's only an insult or a passive/aggressive way of stating something are simply MISTAKEN. But maybe you just don't know any better, and if that's the case, well, all I can say is...bless your little pea pickin' hearts...what you need is a big bowl of chicken 'n' dumplins and a glass of sweet tea and then maybe a slice of lemon ice box pie, and you'll prob'ly feel a little less peaked. (That's "PEA-ked" for those of you who obviously don't have a firm grasp on southern linguistics!)
Hmmm...you mean I've been *unintentionally* insulting folks when I say this??? I was not raised in the south.
I didn't get it either until someone explained it to me. There's also a way southern women say, "Thank You" that drives me nuts. It is said with a higher pitched, elongated "you" at the end that sounds SOOOOOO condescending. Recently in a grocer's I heard a customer say it to the person behind the counter. I later asked the server, a non-southerner, if a lot of customers say it. She said, no, and she hates it for sounding so condescending.
As for items to add to the list, I attended a seminar once (corp sponsored) and the leader gave a suggestion for dealing with difficult people. He said to just say, "Thank you for sharing that." and know in your heart you are saying "Eat s--t and die." I can't even write this without laughing. ANY time I hear "Thank you for sharing that." my brain instantly translates. I am ruined for life.
Sort of like getting a rep comment with a nasty note attached to it,
Ew... I haven't had that happen to me yet. That's just WRONG!
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12
The phrase pretty much embodies what I don't like about Southern Culture.
An almost pathological desire to appear nice and Christian whilst being anything other than that.
It's difficult to argue with a smiling woman who is "blessing" you verbally but judging and cursing you inside.
In the Bible, Jesus even tells us to be plain spoken and not to vex or confuse the listener when you speak. To let one's yes be yes and no be no.
^^^ I really appreciate these particular points ^^^
It can be either a way of showing your concern or a thinly veiled insult. I have used it as both, and I have never lived anywhere but the South. Usually the tone of voice will reveal which way it is used or the situation. For example, if someone has suffered a loss and I hug them and say bless your heart, it is obviously out of concern. But if someone is annoying me by acting like I am ignorant because I am Southern and speak with a drawl, and I say bless your heart it is another way of saying something very impolite.
The phrase pretty much embodies what I don't like about Southern Culture.
An almost pathological desire to appear nice and Christian whilst being anything other than that.
In the Bible, Jesus even tells us to be plain spoken and not to vex or confuse the listener when you speak. To let one's yes be yes and no be no.
I don't think class when I hear someone justify telling someone to "eff off" as just being honest with someone. Instead I think of rude, nasty and opinionated people that are prejudiced towards anyone that doesn't fit their tiny view of the world.
And the word is seceded not succeeded.
Bless your heart Sweet Tea you are correct, I have never told anyone to 'eff off' and I don't think anyone has ever said that to me. That would hurt my feelings. That is definitely a potty mouth crude person who would say that to someone.
It can be either; depends on the context. I have heard it both ways, but mostly in a kind way. It's kind of a southern/country expression and most of the people I have heard use it would never insult someone.
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I was not raised in the south.
