Spouses parents visiting issues/ questions

[ferretkona]

I met my wife 20 years ago. We were married 13 years ago. After our marriage her father tried to claim her as a dependent for a few years, despite the fact she had not lived in his home in 8 years and was now living 350 miles away.
For several years he would call her up and demand she love his new girl friend, this woman had already made several great lies separating Amy from her father. I told her to just quit taking his calls, become unavailable. Even thou she was 25 he still seen and treated her as a child. It took a couple years but he did learn to treat her as a adult and a friend. He married the woman who created the chaos. He regrets his marriage and apologizes to Amy every time he sees her. We now live 5 miles away and visit weekly, both agreed that we and he call before visits.

[nikitakolata]

I agree with everyone else that you need to talk to your bf about this. You should both agree as to what is reasonable. Write it down so there is no confusion. Then your bf needs to communicate your boundaries to his parents.

You need to make it extremely clear to your bf that this is toxic to your relationship. The longer this nonsense goes on the more you will resent his mother. My MIL's job was transferred to Chicago from Milwaukee. We said she could stay with us one night a week during the transition period. We both thought she would do that for 3 months (August to October). Well, it has been a year now and she's still doing it. She started increasing the number of days until she was staying here 3 nights a week. She doesn't pay for anything, doesn't clean, doesn't cook, nothing. We cook and clean for her, basically. I was accommodating at first, but now I am fed up. I no longer factor her into dinner when I'm cooking and I haven't changed the sheets in her room for 3 months; she can do that crap herself. She's here right now, unfortunately. Just reading this thread has me furious with her and I'm honestly to the point where the mere thought of her makes me angry. I have so much resentment that if I never saw her again I would be 100% fine with it.

You're lucky to be finding this out now before you're married. I didn't know this was going to happen until we were married a couple years. I love my husband, but he has no spine and is afraid of his own mother. It's ridiculous. This isn't what I signed up for and he knows it. It has been very hard to get him to address this, but he is slowly making progress. If he wasn't, honestly, I'd be out of here because I didn't sign up to live with a judgmental and self-centered woman.

Make your bf understand that this will have an impact on your relationship with him. The amount of resentment I have right now will take years to fade away, if it ever does. Any time someone mentions an in law I think about it. It's annoying and adding unnecessary stress to both of our lives. It's also always present and something I cannot escape aside from leaving my own house all the time, which is nuts. I've even started looking for a part time evening job just so I can not be here when she is. It's not good...

[staywarm2]

Dump the bf and his family. Your life will be hell if you marry this guy with no backbone and ruled by his mama.