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Old 07-28-2013, 03:56 PM
 
2,759 posts, read 3,425,226 times
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Hmmm, is it easy for people at a party (for example) to be genuinely friendly, or does caution prevent people from relaxing?

"Friendly" meaning, for example, initiating a conversation with a stranger - or an acquaintance.

Fear of rejection could lead to being cautious and quiet, yes. General shyness could cause one to "hang back" and observe, true.

Of course, alcohol can loosen nearly ANYONE's tongue, and lower inhibitions. It's usually a good thing to serve because of that.

However, without the aid of alcohol, does anyone here find it easy to start talking, or what do you do?

Also, does anyone exchange phone numbers or e-mail addresses at gatherings - and do you actually stay in touch with whom you exchanged numbers? I've found that people seldom call - let alone keep in touch - after the event. I wonder why.

It must be challenging to trust people today. For that reason, it takes me a long time to call or
e-mail the person - IF I do (... and I probably answered my own question).

Sorry if this post sounds "awkward". Had a hard time putting thoughts into words here.
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Old 07-28-2013, 04:42 PM
 
20,618 posts, read 16,659,647 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soda120 View Post
Hmmm, is it easy for people at a party (for example) to be genuinely friendly, or does caution prevent people from relaxing?

"Friendly" meaning, for example, initiating a conversation with a stranger - or an acquaintance.

Fear of rejection could lead to being cautious and quiet, yes. General shyness could cause one to "hang back" and observe, true.

Of course, alcohol can loosen nearly ANYONE's tongue, and lower inhibitions. It's usually a good thing to serve because of that.

However, without the aid of alcohol, does anyone here find it easy to start talking, or what do you do?

Also, does anyone exchange phone numbers or e-mail addresses at gatherings - and do you actually stay in touch with whom you exchanged numbers? I've found that people seldom call - let alone keep in touch - after the event. I wonder why.

It must be challenging to trust people today. For that reason, it takes me a long time to call or
e-mail the person - IF I do (... and I probably answered my own question).

Sorry if this post sounds "awkward". Had a hard time putting thoughts into words here.
I myself don't have any problems interjecting myself into the mix at get-togethers - I'll just join in a conversation, usually. Then again I am the type to start conversations with people in the supermarket line. I know it's hard for some. Easy ways to start is to compliment someone, just pick something they're wearing, or the car you saw them drive up in, or the dish they brought, tell them you like it and ask something about it if you want to. Remember people LOVE to talk about themselves. If you ask people something about themselves and let them ramble on about it, they will remember you as a great conversationalist even if they did most of the talking.

I don't have a problem e-mailing or calling people I've just met. I am not sure why you feel you have to trust them first, that's what getting to know someone is all about. You don't have to worry about whether you can trust them if you are not making yourself vulnerable to them in some way, right?
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Old 07-28-2013, 04:44 PM
 
2,759 posts, read 3,425,226 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
I myself don't have any problems interjecting myself into the mix at get-togethers - I'll just join in a conversation, usually. Then again I am the type to start conversations with people in the supermarket line. I know it's hard for some. Easy ways to start is to compliment someone, just pick something they're wearing, or the car you saw them drive up in, or the dish they brought, tell them you like it and ask something about it if you want to. Remember people LOVE to talk about themselves. If you ask people something about themselves and let them ramble on about it, they will remember you as a great conversationalist even if they did most of the talking.

I don't have a problem e-mailing or calling people I've just met. I am not sure why you feel you have to trust them first, that's what getting to know someone is all about. You don't have to worry about whether you can trust them if you are not making yourself vulnerable to them in some way, right?

Yeah, right. I tend to be over-cautious (due to certain experiences). I should loosen up, but in good time.
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Old 07-28-2013, 04:51 PM
 
Location: Big Bear City, CA
43 posts, read 151,267 times
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I tend to hold back a lot when I'm at get togethers. I was at one on Friday with a few friends and acquaintances. I just don't like being the center of attention. The friends I've known for a while understand that, but a few people who hardly know me asked why I was so quiet. Alcohol does help a lot, but I don't want to rely on that just to socialize with others.

I suppose I was nice enough that one of the girls asked if I had a facebook... I added her and I've messaged her a bit on there.

I don't think it's a fear of rejection as to why I don't open myself up more. I think I've just grown accustomed to keeping to myself unless I do trust the person enough to share my personal life with them. So I guess it's more of a trust issue than anything else. I've met my fair share of asses through my life so far.
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Old 07-28-2013, 04:58 PM
 
Location: Windham County, VT
10,628 posts, read 4,949,968 times
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I'm quite obviously out of place at gatherings, so people have quit inviting me to them.
I don't have the intuitive & outgoing skill of being able to just "cold approach" strangers, even at a party.
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Old 07-29-2013, 10:14 AM
 
916 posts, read 1,765,919 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soda120 View Post
Hmmm, is it easy for people at a party (for example) to be genuinely friendly, or does caution prevent people from relaxing?

"Friendly" meaning, for example, initiating a conversation with a stranger - or an acquaintance.

Fear of rejection could lead to being cautious and quiet, yes. General shyness could cause one to "hang back" and observe, true.

Of course, alcohol can loosen nearly ANYONE's tongue, and lower inhibitions. It's usually a good thing to serve because of that.

However, without the aid of alcohol, does anyone here find it easy to start talking, or what do you do?

Also, does anyone exchange phone numbers or e-mail addresses at gatherings - and do you actually stay in touch with whom you exchanged numbers? I've found that people seldom call - let alone keep in touch - after the event. I wonder why.

It must be challenging to trust people today. For that reason, it takes me a long time to call or
e-mail the person - IF I do (... and I probably answered my own question).

Sorry if this post sounds "awkward". Had a hard time putting thoughts into words here.
For me it depends on the number of people in the group I'm in. If it's a one-on-one conversation, I'm fine. I'm OK with two other people, and I can muddle through with three. But with four or more people, especially people I don't know, I pretty much fade into the background. This is also regardless of alcohol--it doesn't help me start talking, but often makes other people just NOT SHUT UP.

As for exchanging e-mails/phone numbers...yeah, virtually no one makes contact. I don't bother giving them out anymore. If they do, it's usually just lolcatz or other random spam.
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Old 07-29-2013, 01:07 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,988 posts, read 14,680,714 times
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I learned from a wonderful example, when I was young, from a great lady.

Rather than concentrate on how awkward you feel, concentrate on how to make others feel comfortable. The great thing is that your uncomfortable feeling goes away, if you are keying in on others. Focus on someone who appears as uncomfortable as you feel. Remember, that most people are really not all that easy in a crowd.

The poster above was right when they said people like to talk about themselves. You might also note that all of her conversation-starters had to do with the other person.
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Old 07-29-2013, 03:35 PM
 
28,905 posts, read 46,757,067 times
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Okay. I am going to let you in on a secret as someone who can have a conversation with anyone in anyplace at anytime. What's more, I used to be incredibly awkward at parties, too. Here you go:

1) First thing's first. Stop walking into parties as if you're a dog that just had a haircut. Don't be apologetic for breathing the same air as everyone else in the room.

2) Don't know many people? Make a game of it.

3) If you meet someone for the first time, here's a simple trick: Make the conversation about them. People love to talk about themselves. Ask some open-ended questions and actually listen to what they have to say. Ask some intelligent questions based on what they tell you. Guess what? That person will think you're an amazing conversationalist.

4) Don't ask questions that can be answered Yes or No. Instead, ask questions that begin with the words 'how' or 'why'.

5) Move on before the conversation flags. That way, you don't come off as the bore and the person will have enjoyed talking with you.

There you go. Hope that helps.
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Old 07-29-2013, 04:56 PM
 
2,759 posts, read 3,425,226 times
Reputation: 3087
I'll file the helpful advice away and remember it for the next get-together.

I'm usually "okay" at these things, just a tad quiet. Next time I'll bring a buddy (if he agrees) who's not as quiet as me.
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Old 07-30-2013, 12:11 PM
 
Location: The Valley of the Sun
1,481 posts, read 2,263,719 times
Reputation: 1530
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soda120 View Post
However, without the aid of alcohol, does anyone here find it easy to start talking, or what do you do?
Yeah, it's difficult to jump into an existing conversation. I usually just listen for a while and wait for someone to introduce themselves to me. But then again I'm kinda shy. If the conversation is about something that I'm really really interested in then I might listen for a while then politely, without interrupting anyone, offer my 2 cents on the matter.
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