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Old 11-11-2007, 04:30 AM
 
238 posts, read 1,035,643 times
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My wife and I were over at the Mall last night (Satuday night) and walked by an area of popular hip restaurants. Even though we are in an economic recession, all the places were just jammed. Huge groups of friends and family were sitting waiting to get in, or at large tables eating drinking and seeming to have just a great time. As my wife and I passed these restaurants and saw all these people laughing and talking with their friends, I felt a little jealous. I thought these people are really lucky to have so many people in their lives that they seem to enjoy spending their time together. We have friends but we do not have as good a time with them as we would like and wish we could find people we had more chemistry with.

Of all the things a person can have, good friends, or a supportive communicative family, has to be tops. It is a gift to have access to these people and have a personality that attracts a great group of friends.

Finding people to talk to and spend time with is not that hard, but finding people you really enjoy and like you is really the greatest gift. But finding that unique chemistry with other people is life's greatest challenge.
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Old 11-11-2007, 05:36 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 29,344,210 times
Reputation: 19619
I agree, it is good to find a group of good friends, but dont be jealous, because looking into those peoples lives, do we know? Are they really good friends? Are they acting? Can they believe it themselves they are in the group?

I am not with my husband anymore, but we did not have any group of friends, because he and I were not alike, his kind of people and my kind of people, well...they just didn't patch, and to get them all together, well, just would not have worked. getting together with him just didn't work,,,,,eeek.

I think that one day, we all find our group, it just takes time and seasoning.
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Old 11-17-2007, 02:10 AM
 
1,218 posts, read 3,646,511 times
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Is there anything stopping you from creating the same type of support system?
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Old 11-17-2007, 09:49 AM
tao
 
Location: Colorado
720 posts, read 2,960,810 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bobmulk View Post
Is there anything stopping you from creating the same type of support system?
I think the whole point of the OP's post is that it takes a unique chemistry that's harder to find for some people for it to be something special. I understand what he meant.

In my personal experience it goes like this: Some people have a more "march to the beat of a different drummer" personality and/or a very unusual background which lends to them a uniqueness of character which makes them different from the norm. Those kind of people need friends who are "kindred spirit," special people who they can really relate to and who can relate to them and understand them. Truly unique people are more rare therefore it's harder for them to find a group of friends who are kindred spirits. Sure, anyone can have a group of casual friends, but it's a blessing to find a group of friends that are truly special and "sympatico" with each other. If you're blessed enough to have found that don't take it for granted and assume it's easy for everyone.
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Old 11-17-2007, 12:17 PM
 
Location: NJ/SC
4,286 posts, read 13,352,732 times
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I understand that feeling and have had similiar thoughts. I've moved around a lot in my life so it's made it difficult to have that tight group. I know so many people and have a lot of friends but they are not friends with each other and some of them don't even like each other.

I've always been the plan maker and wanted gatherings as described, did it a couple times but it was always a battle. Now that I've moved again to a new state it's been especially tough to make new friends. When you get to a certain age people already have their friends they've had for years and it's hard to break into the group.
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Old 11-17-2007, 05:42 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,258,351 times
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Hi
I know what you mean.
I think you have to be part of organizations and massive churches and join the groups they have in order to meet many people. Then you are able to go out and in public it looks like one huge festive friendship group but it probably isn't. They just know each other from church groups or organization events.

2nd - I had a (snobbish type) therapist who told me that all those groups were just a facade and people wear social masks and you really don't know what is going on. They may be having fun in the moment but that doesn't mean anything. People have been extra nice to me and done things for me (made me think these people were very social and friendly) when what they really wanted was to use and take advantage of me. Then when I didn't want to give in they ditched me....an end to the "fun".

3rd - If any group or person is giving you bad vibes like you start feeling envious or inferior then they are "ACTING" that way so that they look "Superior"..it is intentional. Usually positive feelings rub off on us. If I see people having a blast and really loving on each other then I start to feel a little bit of that. If the people in the groups are secretly arrogant and are acting superior then they are doing it on purpose;therefore you are going to feel envious because subconsciously those groups are establishing their ground as superior to all those around them. It happens all the time. Normal but not really honest or good.

Last edited by artsyguy; 11-17-2007 at 05:59 PM..
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Old 11-17-2007, 09:34 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,505 posts, read 23,693,965 times
Reputation: 8837
Quote:
Originally Posted by goodtype View Post
My wife and I were over at the Mall last night (Satuday night) and walked by an area of popular hip restaurants. Even though we are in an economic recession, all the places were just jammed. Huge groups of friends and family were sitting waiting to get in, or at large tables eating drinking and seeming to have just a great time. As my wife and I passed these restaurants and saw all these people laughing and talking with their friends, I felt a little jealous. I thought these people are really lucky to have so many people in their lives that they seem to enjoy spending their time together. We have friends but we do not have as good a time with them as we would like and wish we could find people we had more chemistry with.

Of all the things a person can have, good friends, or a supportive communicative family, has to be tops. It is a gift to have access to these people and have a personality that attracts a great group of friends.

Finding people to talk to and spend time with is not that hard, but finding people you really enjoy and like you is really the greatest gift. But finding that unique chemistry with other people is life's greatest challenge.

why are you concerned with others????. Do for yourself. In the end on the gravestone, you are the person who lived your life....who cares about others.
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Old 11-18-2007, 06:53 AM
Status: "RIP Brandon" (set 3 days ago)
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,507 posts, read 33,212,464 times
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maybe those folks have something huge in common. i've just started doing things with a great group of friends and we get along so well b/c we are all christian. b4 that i was jealous of all the groups i see.

i think the trick is to have something major in common.
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Old 11-24-2007, 09:58 PM
 
9 posts, read 44,472 times
Reputation: 29
goodtype,
first, there are two type of people. One type is outgoing, they are popular, always have many friends or people around them. That doesn't mean they are all friends. Outgoing people like to talk and maybe shown more confidence when they talk. People just like to listen.
The other type of people are intravert. But they may have some friends offer real help when they need them.
2nd. You would have chemistry with the same type of people, same background. And they also feel the same way of you. You have more common things or interests to talk. If a person with very little education, hardly have chemistry with a professor in a university.
3nd. There are also some people you can just eat together but can not have deeply talking.
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Old 11-25-2007, 09:17 AM
 
663 posts, read 5,259,068 times
Reputation: 682
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rapture View Post
Now that I've moved again to a new state it's been especially tough to make new friends. When you get to a certain age people already have their friends they've had for years and it's hard to break into the group.
I feel exactly the same way. My husband and I are in our late 20's/early 30's and moved a year and a half ago cross-country, to a new city where we had never been before and we did not know a single person there. In the year and a half we've been here, we have yet to make any friends--we've met a lot of people, but only have a few acquaintances--people we'll get together with once every few months, but there's not enough there to form a real friendship.

We're lonely, that's for sure. We feel very isolated here, and we definitely do not have a social support system. That's really hard, especially for me, because my husband works a lot. We have tried everything we can think of to try to meet people and make friends--joining social groups, going to religious events, etc. but like the person quoted above said, I think people often assume you have all the friends you need, although I do try to make it a point to mention that we're new in town and don't know many people yet. When we go to these social groups or events, etc. we have a great time talking to people, and I often ask for a person's email address if we seem to really click, but then that's it. Even though we see the same people at these events, most people seem like they already have their friends and aren't looking for one more. At least that's been our experience.

I don't know what the solution is, since we're also trying to find a social support network--a group of friends who we could get together with for boardgame nights or monthly get-togethers at least. Even one friend would be great, but even that is very difficult to find. I've tried to make female friends, and we've tried to make couple friends together, but trying to make both types of friends are equally difficult.

I know it's hard. I don't have any advice except to say that I can totally empathize with your situation.
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