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Late 50's, no kids never ever regretted it. In fact Im very glad. I have a very fulfilling life, and kids wouldnt have changed anything for the better. After seeing all the problems my friends have had with their kids, Im doubly glad I didnt have kids. There is nothing easy about it. It should be a law that only people who really truly want kids and are financially able to support them would be allowed to have kids.
BRAVO--I applaud this post. It's certainly a roll of the dice when one chooses to have a child; or even to adopt a child.
I have 2 very close friends raising handicapped children. One is in her 40s with a husband and a full time time, the child is 12. My other friend is 65, "raising" her 32 year old totally handicapped daughter (who is mentally about 6) on her own. I feel so sorry for her that it just hurts me. This "child" is severely handicapped, can't walk on her own, can't talk. She has never complained, but Im sure this is not how she thought her life would be.
Location: Central Bay Area, CA as of Jan 2010...but still a proud Texan from Houston!
7,484 posts, read 10,447,145 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plmokn
My experience is women 45 and older who haven't had kids will say (whether sincere or not) they are glad they didn't have kids, that they never wanted kids (whether that is true or not).
It is sincerely true for me at least.
I am so very thankful everyday that I chose to be child free in this lifetime.
Married my wife when she was 29. I was kid neutral. She was anti-kid. She turned 36 and had a change of heart. Asked me if we could have a baby. Being 41 at the time I said she had until my birthday to get pregnant (7 months away). It took 3 months.
I am very happy and proud to be a dad to a healthy boy today and wouldn't have it any other way.
... Unlike others, I've known so many miserable women who continually complain about their kids, husbands & having no time for themselves. They look outstandingly unhappy & far older than their ages. I don't know if they wish they'd never had them (maybe they'd be miserable no matter their situation), but once they're born, a woman's life is decided for the next 18-yrs ...
I once had a therapist tell me that the most unhappy people she treated were middle-aged women with husbands and children who weren't satisfied with the way their lives had turned out. They didn't believe their husbands loved them anymore but they felt required to keep their marriage vows, and/or they didn't really like their now-adult children, and/or they were crushed by the fantasy of what they had missed in life while devoting themselves to others. NOTE: I am NOT suggesting this is the majority of women. I personally know many women who adore the results of the marriage and children they dedicated their lives to and who don't covet the single life in any way. But what I am suggesting is for every woman who regrets not having had kids, there are those who regret they did. Unfortunately, the choice a woman makes to become a parent, or not to become a parent, is pretty much irreversible. But for women, it pretty much is. For men, less so, given that society is much more able to forgive a man who abandons his family than a woman who does so.
I once had a therapist tell me that the most unhappy people she treated were middle-aged women with husbands and children who weren't satisfied with the way their lives had turned out. They didn't believe their husbands loved them anymore but they felt required to keep their marriage vows, and/or they didn't really like their now-adult children, and/or they were crushed by the fantasy of what they had missed in life while devoting themselves to others. NOTE: I am NOT suggesting this is the majority of women. I personally know many women who adore the results of the marriage and children they dedicated their lives to and who don't covet the single life in any way. But what I am suggesting is for every woman who regrets not having had kids, there are those who regret they did. Unfortunately, the choice a woman makes to become a parent, or not to become a parent, is pretty much irreversible. But for women, it pretty much is. For men, less so, given that society is much more able to forgive a man who abandons his family than a woman who does so.
This...
I read some article a while back that some British columnist wrote on this exact subject. She did a brutal self assessment and came to the conclusion that marriage and kids in her opinion were "terribly overrated".
I remember thinking it must have been awful if her hubby and kids read it.... I was a big deal, it was all of the parenting sites and magazines... I forget when it was, but it was fairly recently.
I don't have kids and as I posted earlier in the thread I, every once in a great while, give it a thought and it seems like I might have missed out, but it recedes just as quickly as it came... so I'm 99.5 percent certain that I made the right choice.
As I type this, I'm gonna turn 44 this month... one thing I feel like.... I feel like if I were to have been a dad... I know, know... that I would have been a great one...
I decided at 30-something not to have a baby. I revisited the concept when I turned 40. I realized deep down inside I did not want to have a baby. Now I am, well, let's just say older, and now I can't change my mind. And I have no regrets. Go with your heart. It will lead the way.
I see way too many parents regret it. A lot are honest with me and not others, because they feel they can't be with other parents. They feel they will be shamed for it, but me not wanting kids, they tend to tell me the truth.
I see way too many parents who think they have to give up a retirement and go for broke when their kids want to return to the nest after college, or later in their 30's, live in the basement and slack. Or, they have to bail their kids out of jail, trouble, drugs, unemployment, debt. Or, they have to raise their grandchildren and they can't stand it.
I know a lot who tell me they wished they had done things different.
I do know many parents who do a great job and wouldn't have it any other way, though. But they seemed to know from day 1, that was the path they should take. The ones who regret it often questioned things or had accidents. I dunno, I think some are made for it and know in their heart that parenting is for them.
The ones that question it might go on to parent for the wrong reasons. I think people should maybe not have kids if they are just having them to please others, or have them just because they think they are supposed to or are bored, afraid of regret, or think these kids will take care of them later, etc. The successful happy parents seem to be the ones who chose parenthood for the right reasons; the ones where both parties are in it and commited to the work of parenthood as well.
And before anyone starts in with the 'responsibility of raising the next generation' thing, I'd like to point out that there are now over seven billion people on the planet. One or two would be just fine, thank you.
Raising kids is an important job to be sure, but too many do it and too few do it well.
Like what you said about you just regret that so many other people DID have kids--it's funny,profound,sad and true.
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for me at least.
Wow you got that right
