Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My father went out of his way to let me know I was not wanted, he would ... I pay for his cable/computer/phone bill every month and he does say thanks for this, that's all just thanks.
Why do you do that ? I think family bonds are important but family members can definitely lose their priviledged position if they're odious people. It seems to me that you'd be better off writing your dad off entirely.
I was never told but I could tell that I was unplanned and unwanted. My mom would always say how she would beg to have me and walk in the streets because she had no where to go. As soon as I was born she decided she didn't like me because I ruined her relationship with my father. As a child I was neglected, due to being unwanted and being the middle child. I would get hand me downs from my sister. I could never really call any of " my " toys mine as they were my sisters. I had only a few pair of clothes that my mom had actually bought for me. Now my parents try to include me more but it's obvious that they don't really care about me. I'm okay with that seeing as we always disagree on stuff. They also regret having me, I can hear it in their tone and see it in their eyes. I'm a " rebel " to them and they hate it. They want me to be perfect just like my sister. Now I have my own clothes and all of them are from the clearance rack. They never had to tell me I just knew. And honestly I just can't wait to leave.
My mother had four - and told three of us we were not wanted. We just thought she was too stupid for birth control. Now she finds that we don't want her.
You cannot imagine not having your mother in your life - but for those of us with toxic mothers, it's a better life without them - and we don't know the difference having a good mother makes, as there is no experience to back it up.
Same here except my mother had more kids. She is dying of cancer & nobody cares, well most of us except the Golden Child.
My Mother had my older sister in 1953, then had 2 pregnancies (both boys, one in 1956, one in 1957) they both passed at 7 months gestation. The doctors told her that any subsequent babies or pregnancies were not recommended or both could die. My Mom and Dad got pregnant with me in 1960, my sister in 1965. We were all wanted, all loved.
I was planned for (parents tried for years to have me) but my brother and I grew up in a childhood where we didn't feel wanted. We were threatened regularly that my mom was going to call the "foster care family" who would kick us down the stairs and burn us with cigarettes.
My boyfriend actually lived that life. His parents were 16 when he was born - he was their 2nd child, but they decided to keep him (and the terms of the first adoption have made it impossible for us to find his brother). They got married and proceeded to have 2 more children that they weren't equipped to care for. His mom had Munchhausen's and would hurt my boyfriend to get attention. The kids all ended up in the system - my boyfriend was lucky to avoid the drug abuse, prostitution, and teen pregnancy that his sisters fell into, but he did experience sexual, emotional, and physical abuse in the system and aged out to homelessness when he turned 18. His mother is out of the picture - possibly dead - he hasn't seen her since he was a child. His father died of a drug overdose when he was a young teenager and on a visit to his dad's house.
The worst part of these types of childhoods is it can be so hard to know it's not your fault, even if you know it logically.
I've just had one session with a psych and she told me both my mother and my ex have personality disorders.
Crazy people have kids, for a lot of reasons, sometimes to appear normal.
My Mother had my older sister in 1953, then had 2 pregnancies (both boys, one in 1956, one in 1957) they both passed at 7 months gestation. The doctors told her that any subsequent babies or pregnancies were not recommended or both could die. My Mom and Dad got pregnant with me in 1960, my sister in 1965. We were all wanted, all loved.
Ummm....did you read the thread title??
Anyway, my mom reppeatedly told us that if she had to do it over again, she would not have had children. I used to pray that I was switched at birth.
Now, at the ripe age of 36.75, I refuse to have kids. I am afraid of hurting an innocent child.
After years of therapy, I am slowly learning to love myself and others. It's hard, though.
What kind of idiotic parents will actually TELL their kids that they never wanted them? There are a lot of heartless people out there! I guess these types of parents wouldn't care about how telling their kids something this devastating would affect their kids emotionally because they don't care. The innocent kids are set up for failure from the day of their birth because if their own parents never wanted or loved them, who else on this earth will? So, so very sad!
It's so incredibly, extremely wrong for parents to tell their kids that they didn't want them. What are these parents trying to prove? That they should win a medal or something because despite that they didn't want kids, the kids should be grateful that the parents were parents to them?! Whoop dee doo!
I don't care if kids were conceived by accident or even as a result of rape, parents should make the best of it & love their children...otherwise, give them up for adoption then!
Not myself, but my boyfriend & his twin brother, who's mother had them when she was 19 actually told them they would have been aborted if it wasn't for their father who I guess talked her out of doing it. My boyfriend says he doesn't think it's because she didn't want him, but because she got pregnant young & had extremely strict parents, so she was afraid to tell them. The ironic thing is, my boyfriend's dad is a real loser & was never a good father anyway.
Also, I myself don't plan to have any unwanted children in the future, and I will thus take extremely large precautions to make sure that this event does not occur.
I have a very dear friend who was not wanted. Her mother got pregnant when she was a teen and definitely did not want to have a baby. Despite this, she went through with the pregnancy, kept the baby, married the father, and proceeded to make my friend miserable for the next 18 years (until my friend moved out). She no longer has a relationship at all with her mother.
This is probably the saddest thing I have ever heard. I have kids of my own and can't imagine telling them that they weren't wanted. Anyway, my friend seems okay, I guess. I can't imagine not having my mother in my life. She doesn't talk much about it, but I gather she was ignored and lonely for most of her childhood.
Anyway, has anyone else grown up in a family in which they weren't wanted--and actually knew this. Were you able to have a relationship with your parents as an adult?
'Ignored' would have been an improvement in my case. My brother and I were badly abused both physically and emotionally. I too have kids of my own, and grandchildren too, and I also know what it is to bury a child, so my children are precious to me, even when they're... ahem... not as nice as they could be.
My mother threw me out when I was fifteen because she said I was too much like my father (whom she divorced when I was seven). So, I went to live with him for a few months and then he threw me out, saying I was too much like my mother. I could write a book about the heartaches of the situation, but whom would that serve? I chose to love them anyway, regardless of how they felt about me, and I called, sent cards and presents, and did ALL THAT I COULD DO. They're both dead now, and only my stepfather remains (he's 81), and I still call him, and send cards and gifts and so on.
Despite it all, I still love my mother, and in a different, long-distance kind of way, my father too. They weren't bad people, although they did some lousy things, but I choose to forgive them and pray that I'll see them in Heaven.
I try not to think about that part of my past, but when I do, it does still hurt. Such is life. No one said it would be fair.
No; no one said it would be fair. It isn't fair. Why is one child loved and nurtured, and the next dismissed or brutalized.
I, too, was an unwanted child. Is it always the mother who says this? That's what I've gleaned from reading this thread.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Whoop dee doo! 
