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I’m in my early 20s – my boss is in his late 40s. We have developed a relationship of mutual gain – a relationship that sees us using one another for our own objectives. I use him to advance my career, he uses me for easy access to young women and a place he can bring a woman home in order to sleep with her.
It started when I bumped into my boss in a bar five months ago. Before that, we simply said hello to one another the hallway. And that was the entirety of our interaction. However, after we met in the bar, he has given me career opportunities I thought would take years for me to gain. My boss is a very powerful man at work and he has a lot of links in the profession we work in, and because of that, my career is advancing far faster. He has assured me a significant promotion at the end of 2017.
It all started when I was knocking down a few shots in a bar after work, with a couple of female friends I went to college with. My boss just happened to come in and he noticed me. He sat with us and bought I and my friends drinks for the entire night (the man is loaded). He happened to hit it off with one of my female friends, and they ended up having sex in the guestroom of my apartment later that night.
The next day at work he called me into his office and assigned me onto a huge project. A project that frankly (due to my youth and relative inexperience in comparison with some of my co-workers) I shouldn’t have been on. But he put me on it, and thus began a trend of huge career opportunities for me.
My boss is a Jerkyl and Hyde kind of guy. At work he’s 100% professional – he’s known for a big work ethic and the ability to solve problems and challenges others simply can’t. He’s absolutely brilliant at what he does. But out of work he’s like a college student.
I love to drink as much as the next guy (and when I’m drinking with my boss, he insists that I don't pay a dime) but this guy takes it overboard. 4/5 nights a week he’ll hit the town. And lot of the times he is insistent on us drinking together, and it’s really difficult for me to deny him after everything he’s done for me at work. So I end up going out with him, and a lot of the times end up being the obligatory wingman for him when he wants to take a 25 year old to my apartment. Sometimes his wife will call when we’re in a bar (he has two teenage kids) and he rushes outside, goes to a place that is quiet before answering. He tells her he’s tied up at work.
Last week my boss invited me to his house for a Sunday roast with his family. That was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had. I’ll admit that regarding the advancement of my career, I don’t let a lot of things get in my way. All my life, when I've had have an objective in mind, I can be pretty ruthless in order to attain it. What I do with my boss is unscrupulous and unethical but even with that knowledge, I still do it because I want to go as far as possible in life, even if it means cutting corners.
However, meeting my boss’ wife and kids, and then thinking about the women the man has brought to my apartment, really hit me. Before that my boss’ family were just vague concepts, since I had never laid eyes on them. But seeing them in the flesh had an impact. I was unable to sleep that night.
Ever since meeting my boss’ family, I’m not so cavalier and care-free about my relationship with the man. I’ve actually been thinking of speaking to him and setting clear boundaries between us, but every time I think of going through with it, I remember the opportunities he has given me and it’s difficult to stop. I know for a fact that if I said “let’s stop doing this,” my career at the current firm that employs me, would hit a brick wall. Without a doubt.
I spoke my older brother about it, and he told me that my boss sounds like the kind of man who has been stepping out on his wife for a long time. That he would do so with or without me. That what happens in his marriage is none of my business, so there is no point in jeopardizing my career prospects over it.
I spoke my older brother about it, and he told me that my boss sounds like the kind of man who has been stepping out on his wife for a long time. That he would do so with or without me. That what happens in his marriage is none of my business, so there is no point in jeopardizing my career prospects over it.
that may be true, but you still don't have to be a part of it.
Your brother is correct on the character assessment. However, this doesn't mean you're now forced to enable behavior. You're going to have to figure out on scaling back your after work party engagements, by either going out somewhere else or just finding other things to do.
Your brother is correct on the character assessment. However, this doesn't mean you're now forced to enable behavior. You're going to have to figure out on scaling back your after work party engagements, by either going out somewhere else or just finding other things to do.
Agree with this. You should avoid speaking with your boss about anything, no way that will end well.
This sounds a lot like the plot of "The Apartment". All that's missing is the cute elevator operator who the OP is falling for but turns out to be the boss' girl. ;-)
Look for a new job, this can only end badly and it will be you that it ends badly for. That's the way it always goes. You should have drawn the line when he offered the drinks the very first time.
Last week my boss invited me to his house for a Sunday roast with his family. That was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had. I’ll admit that regarding the advancement of my career, I don’t let a lot of things get in my way. All my life, when I've had have an objective in mind, I can be pretty ruthless in order to attain it. What I do with my boss is unscrupulous and unethical but even with that knowledge, I still do it because I want to go as far as possible in life, even if it means cutting corners.
However, meeting my boss’ wife and kids, and then thinking about the women the man has brought to my apartment, really hit me. Before that my boss’ family were just vague concepts, since I had never laid eyes on them. But seeing them in the flesh had an impact. I was unable to sleep that night.
Ever since meeting my boss’ family, I’m not so cavalier and care-free about my relationship with the man. I’ve actually been thinking of speaking to him and setting clear boundaries between us, but every time I think of going through with it, I remember the opportunities he has given me and it’s difficult to stop. I know for a fact that if I said “let’s stop doing this,” my career at the current firm that employs me, would hit a brick wall. Without a doubt.
I spoke my older brother about it, and he told me that my boss sounds like the kind of man who has been stepping out on his wife for a long time. That he would do so with or without me. That what happens in his marriage is none of my business, so there is no point in jeopardizing my career prospects over it.
Your brother is right.
I've known a lot of men like this in my life. This is pretty common behavior with rich and powerful men actually. Here's the kicker though... most likely, his wife knows. I've seen a lot of women who knowingly put up with infidelity for a nice home, nice cars, and a stable home life for their kids. So long as everything is going smoothly, they make peace with it. Both my uncles were/are like this. They are both millionaires, one has been married/divorced about 3-4 times now. The other was cheating on my aunt for over 30 years, she caught him several times over that period, but refused to get a divorce. She loved him, after all, and their business interests were very co-mingled. (They were both land developers.)
You're not enabling your boss. As you say, he goes out all the time. He was doing this sort of thing before you, and he'll be doing it after you. Are you making it easier for him by allowing him to sleep with women at your place? Yeah, you are. But if you weren't doing that, he'd just be getting a hotel room or doing it in the car.
You are getting a jumpstart in your career because of this, and frankly, that is important. You're going to learn that in most businesses, success is not always attained by a meritocracy, your success hinges on who you know. I've seen it time and time again, in fact, you can read about all the people who come on CD and complain that they never get ahead in their jobs but someone else who never does the work, is unreliable, etc... is the one getting the promotions instead of them.
So, did you post on here looking for validation that what you are doing is fine? You, youself, know it isn't, because your conscience tells you it isn't.
What do you think the future really holds for you if you continue? I assure you that other people see what type of relationship this is; and most likely think that you are the one he is sleeping with. In the long term, are you really going to benefit by hitching your wagon to this lying, philandering star? If push comes to shove professionally (and it will), will he really be loyal to you, or will he throw you right under the bus to save himself?
Last edited by spencgr; 01-15-2017 at 09:16 AM..
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