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Old 07-31-2013, 09:07 AM
 
Location: California
313 posts, read 513,544 times
Reputation: 262

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I have a problem with an overbearing self-inviting relative. He keeps trying to invite himself to social gatherings that I go to. He is free to attend alone without me but he keeps making demands and guilt-tripping me every now and again that I take him. He is not disabled or poor so I do not feel sorry for him at all. In fact I've seen disabled people handle themselves better. Does anyone know any methods on how to put a stop to the nagging or divert this?
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Old 07-31-2013, 09:41 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,894 posts, read 12,703,320 times
Reputation: 31047
Can you elaborate a bit? What kind of relative and why does he need you to go somewhere? Social family gatherings or what gatherings are we talking about?
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Old 07-31-2013, 09:44 AM
 
Location: California
313 posts, read 513,544 times
Reputation: 262
First, the social gatherings are with my friends. Second, he is probably lazy and lonely.

Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Can you elaborate a bit? What kind of relative and why does he need you to go somewhere? Social family gatherings or what gatherings are we talking about?
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Old 07-31-2013, 09:49 AM
 
2,907 posts, read 3,026,206 times
Reputation: 8342
Tell him to get a life, he's using you for his socializing. Why is everybody afraid to tell a relative to go to H---? Instead you just keep putting up with them- it's no loss if they get mad.
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Old 07-31-2013, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,882 posts, read 17,196,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Can you elaborate a bit? What kind of relative and why does he need you to go somewhere? Social family gatherings or what gatherings are we talking about?
Quote:
Originally Posted by furrypro View Post
First, the social gatherings are with my friends. Second, he is probably lazy and lonely.
Please add a few details to helpus help you.

Are you a man and your brother wants to tag along when the "boys" go out drinking? Or are you the niece and your much older uncle wants to tag along with you and your girlfriends? Or is it a cousin who wants to ride with you to a distant family party/activity?

Once you are at the celebration/party/outing is he rude? inconsiderate? or fun to be around? Does he forget to pay for his share of the gas? food? activity?

Maybe he just loves your company and wants to spend more time with you?
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Old 07-31-2013, 10:10 AM
 
Location: California
313 posts, read 513,544 times
Reputation: 262
I agree. I just keep ignoring his requests and leaving them unfulfilled.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nodpete View Post
Tell him to get a life, he's using you for his socializing. Why is everybody afraid to tell a relative to go to H---? Instead you just keep putting up with them- it's no loss if they get mad.
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Old 07-31-2013, 11:10 AM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,501,742 times
Reputation: 1286
Set boundaries.
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Old 07-31-2013, 11:20 AM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
7,136 posts, read 10,979,679 times
Reputation: 9459
If you tell him no and stick to it he will eventually tire of this and move on to someone else. Unfortunately, people like this take advantage of the kindness of others and become more bothersome if you give in to them. Best wishes.
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Old 07-31-2013, 11:51 AM
 
Location: California
313 posts, read 513,544 times
Reputation: 262
I simply just don't follow through. But then he finds "pretexts" to get on my case about something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by beth98 View Post
Set boundaries.
I've been ignoring his requests. But he then finds "reasons" or "pretexts" to put me down or harass me later, as a punishment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunnydee View Post
If you tell him no and stick to it he will eventually tire of this and move on to someone else. Unfortunately, people like this take advantage of the kindness of others and become more bothersome if you give in to them. Best wishes.
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Old 07-31-2013, 02:24 PM
 
20,296 posts, read 16,471,247 times
Reputation: 38102
Quote:
Originally Posted by furrypro View Post
I simply just don't follow through. But then he finds "pretexts" to get on my case about something.



I've been ignoring his requests. But he then finds "reasons" or "pretexts" to put me down or harass me later, as a punishment.
Don't worry about that, just say no. I have had that issue a lot, since I got my apartment 15 years ago in a popular beach town. People I am not even close to ask if they can "crash at my place for a few days" with their kids. I just say "no, that won't work, I'm sorry" and leave it at that. I do not explain or defend. If they are offended, so be it.
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