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Old 08-02-2013, 12:25 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
32,980 posts, read 19,952,237 times
Reputation: 12880

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Long story short, my late grandmother had always openly shown favoritism to her other grandchildren, well, she hated my brother Kyle and I the most SIMPLY because we reminded her of our grandfather who cheated on her a long time ago.

She had called us useless because we both had artistic talents. I am a pretty good artist, and my brother Kyle has incredible massive talents. My late grandfather was a pretty decent starving artist. Among her 13 grandchildren, my brother Kyle and I are the only ones who know how to draw.

I remember several years before she passed away, she told me she didn't like both of us because "she didn't know us that well because we were not that close to her." I remember I answered, "I don't really care. I have mom and dad love me dearly, and I have my two brothers who love me very much. That is enough." (my oldest brother Leon has always protected us from her verbal abuse, so obviously, she didn't like him either.)

well, my late boyfriend's birthday is coming up in four days, her anniversary is coming up in about 1 month. I've been thinking about love, death, loss a lot lately. I know for a fact that I don't love my grandmother and I don't feel guilty for saying that. For the longest time, I resented her. I resented her for calling us useless. All the compliments we received growing up are from total strangers. My own grandmother never gave me any. NEVER, not even once.

Why am I still thinking about this? If she was not important to me, why am I still thinking about her? I hate what she has done to my brother and I.

Moral of my story, it is okay that if you don't like your grand child, but please please do not show favoritism. Hide it a little bit for heaven's sake. She constantly compare my brother and I to her other grandchildren. She made us feel so worthless, unwanted, and unloved.

Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 08-02-2013 at 12:39 AM..
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Old 08-02-2013, 12:52 AM
 
Location: mainland but born oahu
6,657 posts, read 6,400,105 times
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Dear lily, first i want you to understand that whatever happened when u where a child is not your fault, your not responsible for any abuse ok?

2nd lily may i suggest that you try to forgive your grandmother, by truely forgiving her ur not saying its ok or right what she did ok. But by truely forgiving her will you free yourself from the resentment, etc that only hurts you.

And if you can't yet, then ask for the ability to do this from whatever higher power you belive in ok?
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Old 08-02-2013, 06:15 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
32,980 posts, read 19,952,237 times
Reputation: 12880
It is hard to forgive somebody who has been so unkind..
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Old 08-02-2013, 06:25 AM
 
Location: Florida
2,291 posts, read 4,927,666 times
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My mothers favorite is my brother, then after that any man, she doesn't like women. I haven't forgiven her, I just don't bother with her, works for me.
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Old 08-02-2013, 06:31 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
32,980 posts, read 19,952,237 times
Reputation: 12880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dollydo View Post
My mothers favorite is my brother, then after that any man, she doesn't like women. I haven't forgiven her, I just don't bother with her, works for me.
I am sorry to hear that. But I am glad that you found a solution dealing with your mom. Must be really tough.

My late grandmother was also abusive (emotionally and verbally). I hate the fact that she made me feel so worthless. I mean all I've seen growing up is how much love grandmothers gave to their grandchildren. I can tell you this much, my brothers and I have never experienced that. Fine, if she didn't want us, that is okay. But comparing us to her other grandchildren? Please. They are not better looking than us, they don't have more talents than we do, why are we the useless and ugly ones? (just because we look like our grandfather? just because we can draw? )

Can't forgive her, it is so hard. I didn't even cry at her funeral, my aunt gave me the dirty look the whole time. I was thinking to myself, "gee, look at how much love did she give YOUR children? my brothers and I have never received any "love" from her, why would I want to cry?"
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Old 08-02-2013, 06:37 AM
 
Location: between three Great Lakes.
1,737 posts, read 1,930,563 times
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lilyflower, the best thing about your grandmother is, she's dead. There's no shame in embracing that fact, even though it seems like the last taboo standing.

Maybe talking therapy might help you repair the damage she's done, but in the meantime, revel in the fact that she's not enjoying the sunshine, birds, flowers, nature, etc, like the rest of us. She's deprived of all those goodies. Yay ?
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Old 08-02-2013, 06:43 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
32,980 posts, read 19,952,237 times
Reputation: 12880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenstyle View Post
lilyflower, the best thing about your grandmother is, she's dead. There's no shame in embracing that fact, even though it seems like the last taboo standing.

Maybe talking therapy might help you repair the damage she's done, but in the meantime, revel in the fact that she's not enjoying the sunshine, birds, flowers, nature, etc, like the rest of us. She's deprived of all those goodies. Yay ?
Yes. You are right. She was not a very happy person.

I thought I've dealt with my emotions. It is not like we had to live with her on daily basis. But Christmas has never been very pleasant because of her. Christmas is her opportunity to openly show favoritism. She would have given her other grandchildren money, gifts, she gave my brothers and I cards. "Only thought that counts? Please!"

She just made me feel so worthless.
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,266 posts, read 7,860,746 times
Reputation: 53227
You don't have to forgive her. No child should ever have to be made to feel that way. You can however put a new spin on her behavior by thinking of her as being tragically flawed, and missing out on knowing a fabulous person. Think of it as her loss, not your burden to understand crazy. Be grateful that you had a good family life some of us never even had that.
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,888 posts, read 17,196,676 times
Reputation: 40787
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
Yes. You are right. She was not a very happy person.

I thought I've dealt with my emotions. It is not like we had to live with her on daily basis. But Christmas has never been very pleasant because of her. Christmas is her opportunity to openly show favoritism. She would have given her other grandchildren money, gifts, she gave my brothers and I cards. "Only thought that counts? Please!"

She just made me feel so worthless.

I am so sorry that happened to you and your brother.

Your family is the perfect example why sometimes a family needs to cut off contact with a "toxic relative".
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico
852 posts, read 804,084 times
Reputation: 1364
I feel your pain, time pass but memories... Memories linger.
Have you tried writing a letter to your late grandmother, expressing your feelings and all the awful memories she gave you? In may case, writing a letter helps release the emotions and makes anger go away. Not instantly of course, but with time.

Tell her everything you got for her, don't keep anything, otherwise it'll keep poising your heart.

Take care
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