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Old 08-11-2013, 01:39 PM
355 posts, read 1,089,287 times
Reputation: 271


Originally Posted by carterstamp View Post
OK, sounds like you're the problem. You can't get along with two different people in your own family. If you don't want to cook for your family, don't, but don't expect them to pick up after or cook for you.

And how do you know your Aunt is googling you all the time?

I call shenanigans.
lol My aunt has literally admitted to googling me.... There is nothing wrong with doing chores, but it is not fair that you assign chores to only two of your children, while the other two have NO chores and NO responsibilities at all......and the children who have to do all the chores just so happen to not live in the household....this is classic abuse and many parents use these manipulative tactics when they resent one or more of their children...in most cases, it is a stepchild that is treated like this (Cinderella anyone?) ...btw, my little sisters are all one year apart..sooooo..yeah.
..household chores should be divided equally. And about me not getting along with two different people in my family....these same two people are strongly disliked by the rest of the family...they are just not as vocal about it as others lol
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Old 08-11-2013, 02:09 PM
355 posts, read 1,089,287 times
Reputation: 271
Originally Posted by cdnirene View Post
This is what I "get" from what you posted: Your father wanted to assign you and your sister the household chores of cleaning and preparing the family meals when you visited them. Therefore that proves your father is emotionally abusive, psychotic and exhibits weird behavior.

My response: Huh? Do you even know what those terms mean?

How do you know that she tries to Google you all the time? Why on earth would she be jealous of you?
The emotional abuse comes from trying to treat your daughter like a household slave. #textbook parent abuse..........and I know a lot about my father's medical/mental history...and I know for a fact that he has been treated by a doctor (given medication) for depression, mood swings and emotional outbursts. So this is not something I made up in my dreams last night. I will give you a more clear look into his emotionally abusive behavior towards me and my little (step-sister):

One day, my sister called my father on father's day to tell him 'Happy Father's Day'. His response? "Who is this?"...my sister explained to him who she was...and his response was..."I have something to do. My two daughters are making me breakfast." And politely hung up in her face...she was 10 years old btw when this happened......yes, that is psychotic.....in my book.

Another clear example (this is one example out of millions btw)

I decided to see my family after 5 years of not seeing them. The first thing he could say after not seeing me in so many years, "You have too much make up on"........right in front of everyone. He was trying to belittle or humiliate me, but it backfired, and the rest of the family members started to notice his dysfunction had worsened at that very moment. When he made this comment...he looked..and sounded....pathetic almost...it is very sad actually. That is the best thing you can say to your daughter who you haven't seen in 5 years and who just graduated from college? He is a sad individual....you can dress it up, dress down, dress inside and around....the fact remains that he is clearly dsyfunctional.
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Old 08-11-2013, 02:29 PM
355 posts, read 1,089,287 times
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Originally Posted by maus View Post
I had to struggle with toxic family members longer than I care to admit. If you know you cannot have a healthy relationship with your aunt or father as a young adult, continue to have little to no contact with them. Maybe in time, things will change, it is hard to say.

Obviously, I don't know your entire family relationships with these people other than what you have posted. Just be cautious with the other members of the family on what you share about your life if you think the aunt still tries to "badmouth" you to other family members. You basically know to limit what you can share.

This is hard to do, but can be done: you also need to worry less about what other people think or say about you as much as possible and set yourself as a good example the best way you know how.

You can also limit your activity on Facebook for a while and use the privacy settings for the FB friends you think might share the info with the aunt who appears not to have your best interests.
Thank you maus. I have taken steps to cut these people out of my life completely, especially with Facebook. I have learned that a few of my aunts was on my FB page taking back information to my dysfunctional aunt, from bits and pieces of info I would post on my Facebook status updates. I have blocked these two aunts from my FB page and put the rest of the fam members on "the family list" where all they can see on my page is my profile pic. I have noticed that they have been trying to manipulate my little cousin (one of the few who I still talk to), into giving them info, but I limit what I say to him as well. Things seem to be running smoothly so far since then... Very good advice, maus.
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Old 08-11-2013, 02:38 PM
355 posts, read 1,089,287 times
Reputation: 271
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
sajae90...the example you give "that's supposed to show emotional abuse" is not a good one (in my opinion). Lots of fathers will try and get their daughters to cook up a meal, especially if they know them to be good cooks...Maybe a compliment instead...It absolutely does not show "weird and psychotic" behavior....If you feel he is so abusive , why would you except his sister (on his recommendations) to confide in?...Your problem seems to be the "manipulative" and untrustworthy aunt that you confided in....it sounds to me that you just need to be more firm on what you will and won't do for your family, and to not feel guilty if you just say no.
Oh i agree with you about a man wanting his daughter to cook if she can actually cook.....but the thing is...I'm a horrible cook lol Also, I was one of those dorky kids that actually liked doing chores. My problem is when you try to use chores as a form of unjustified punishment. I guess that wasn't a good example of his emotional abuse or I was not clear enough (you can scan through the rest of the thread...I give better examples).
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Old 08-11-2013, 02:58 PM
355 posts, read 1,089,287 times
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Originally Posted by DaniellaG View Post
Have you tried now as an adult talking to your aunt and dad about how you feel and the past? If you feel your aunt is googling you can you talk to her about why?
Hi DaniellaG, yes I asked her why she was googling and she said because she hasn't heard from me in a long time...and the family was worried about me....smh....I told her my number is the same number I have had for 10 years, so why didn't she simply call if she was so worried. She is also strangely preoccupied with what I do for a living....she asked more about that rather than inquiring about how I was doing and if I was safe, healthy and happy. When I was talking to her, she only said negative things about what was going on with family...she didn't have anything to say positive about the family. I guess there is no reasoning with a toxic emotional vampire...when she seen I was done confiding in her and telling her anything about me, and I wasn't going for the bait in discussing the other family members, she seemed very disappointed, and said she had to go. I'm going to assume she went trotting off to find her next victim. As far as my dad, I haven't tried to talk to him because I just feel he is a lost cause. The man has problems that are beyond repair.
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Old 08-12-2013, 12:21 AM
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,495,349 times
Reputation: 29030
What kind of advice is it you are seeking? You said that you have already graduated from college. I assume you also have a job since you mention modeling. Are you seeking to repair your relationships with these people? If not, why not just continue ignoring them and build a positive life for yourself.
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Old 08-12-2013, 01:03 AM
7,354 posts, read 13,173,380 times
Reputation: 8901
I had to go back and re-read everything because I too wondered what exactly the OP was asking for. It seems in particular OP's basically asking about two things... ?

Originally Posted by sajae90 View Post
Basically, I don't like none of the family on my father's side, except for a good handful of my younger cousins, and my blood half sister. My half sister recently just had a baby, and I would like to get closer to her and my nephew......but I don't want to deal with our father or my step-mom. Does anyone have any advice or can maybe shed some thought on my family's wierd, dysfunctional behavior? It sounds like they need a scape goat for all of their problems, but since I haven't seen none of them for 7 years, they are desperate to try to get me to "come back" to visit them.......no thanks.
No point in figuring out weird, dysfunctional families. Some, like my husband's family, goes over several generations and people within the family are so used to such dysfunction that its normal to them-- and they will do what they can to keep what is "normal" (i.e., all that toxicity, drama) around. If you find that your mental health is better when you're not dealing with them... then keep it that way. Draw the line and stand behind it. Have low expectations if you do see them and don't take offense or react to their bait.

Lastly, you mention the sister who recently had her baby that you'd like to get close to... Just remember, your sister isn't your dad/step-mom. The fact that you want to keep in touch with her indicates she's somewhat different at least. What exactly is your relationship with your sister? Does your sister sees what you see? Are you able to effectively able to communicate the desire of keeping certain things separate and would she respect that?
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