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Old 08-02-2013, 01:19 PM
 
355 posts, read 1,089,379 times
Reputation: 271

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Sorry if this is going to be long, but I feel like I have to get the whole story out in order for people to understand. Okay, I do not get along with my dad...neither does my step sister..we both believe that he is emotionally abusive, for example; when me and my step sister would visit, he would always try to get us two to clean and prepare meals for him, his wife, and two other children, while the other two kids would never have to do chores. I would always refuse to play Cinderella while my other sister would just take it. At any rate, half the family took my father's side, while the other half took my side about the situation. I believe my father has something called, Convert Narrcissism (sp?), which is really hard to detect with an untrained eye. This would explain is psychotic and wierd behavior.

At any rate, he asked an aunt to talk to me when I was a teenager. This aunt started out being helpful, but as soon as she saw that I was pursuing modeling/acting (just like her daughter was...I'm also about 10 years younger than her daughter) she started becoming manipulative. Any time I would confide in her about my problems with my father, she would go back to her daughter and the rest of the family and tell them everything I would say to make me appear as a villian. She turned about half of the family against me, but still tries to pretend that she is looking out for my best interest.

After I graduated college, her jealousy and manipulation intensified, to now where she is totally obsessed with me, such as trying to look at my Facebook pictures, etc. through my cousin's account (since I blocked her from being able to view my page). She works as a social worker, so she knows how to do background checks, which she have tried to do on me, but failed. She tries to Google me all time.....

Basically, I don't like none of the family on my father's side, except for a good handful of my younger cousins, and my blood half sister. My half sister recently just had a baby, and I would like to get closer to her and my nephew......but I don't want to deal with our father or my step-mom. Does anyone have any advice or can maybe shed some thought on my family's wierd, dysfunctional behavior? It sounds like they need a scape goat for all of their problems, but since I haven't seen none of them for 7 years, they are desperate to try to get me to "come back" to visit them.......no thanks.
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Old 08-02-2013, 04:52 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 9,248,596 times
Reputation: 12632
The why's of your family's dysfunction are a waste of time trying to figure out. You'll never get an answer that makes any sense to you. It simply is what it is. The mess you have is the roll of the dice you got in the family lottery.

What is the only important thing is how you respond to it . You've got the right idea. Put all toxic people out of your life. Keep them out of your phone, your texts, your email, Facebook, etc. Put as much physical distance as you can between them and you so you don't have to run into them around town. A few hundred miles is even better.

If you want a relationship with one or two of them and the new baby, then you invite them to your home, alone. You ask them out to dinner alone in a place where you're not likely to see any other of the family. . Set firm boundaries with all others. You avoid all family get togethers and situations where the crazies are. This is something you can control. Just keep telling yourself that no one can make you miserable unless you let them. Don't put yourself in any position where they can get to you .
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Old 08-02-2013, 06:39 PM
 
355 posts, read 1,089,379 times
Reputation: 271
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
The why's of your family's dysfunction are a waste of time trying to figure out. You'll never get an answer that makes any sense to you. It simply is what it is. The mess you have is the roll of the dice you got in the family lottery.

What is the only important thing is how you respond to it . You've got the right idea. Put all toxic people out of your life. Keep them out of your phone, your texts, your email, Facebook, etc. Put as much physical distance as you can between them and you so you don't have to run into them around town. A few hundred miles is even better.

If you want a relationship with one or two of them and the new baby, then you invite them to your home, alone. You ask them out to dinner alone in a place where you're not likely to see any other of the family. . Set firm boundaries with all others. You avoid all family get togethers and situations where the crazies are. This is something you can control. Just keep telling yourself that no one can make you miserable unless you let them. Don't put yourself in any position where they can get to you .
Thank you. I feel better now about this already.
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:32 PM
 
Location: Canada
3,873 posts, read 2,705,846 times
Reputation: 5055
Quote:
Originally Posted by sajae90 View Post
Sorry if this is going to be long, but I feel like I have to get the whole story out in order for people to understand. Okay, I do not get along with my dad...neither does my step sister..we both believe that he is emotionally abusive, for example; when me and my step sister would visit, he would always try to get us two to clean and prepare meals for him, his wife, and two other children, while the other two kids would never have to do chores. I would always refuse to play Cinderella while my other sister would just take it. At any rate, half the family took my father's side, while the other half took my side about the situation. I believe my father has something called, Convert Narrcissism (sp?), which is really hard to detect with an untrained eye. This would explain is psychotic and wierd behavior.
This is what I "get" from what you posted: Your father wanted to assign you and your sister the household chores of cleaning and preparing the family meals when you visited them. Therefore that proves your father is emotionally abusive, psychotic and exhibits weird behavior.

My response: Huh? Do you even know what those terms mean?

Quote:
After I graduated college, her jealousy and manipulation intensified, to now where she is totally obsessed with me, such as trying to look at my Facebook pictures, etc. through my cousin's account (since I blocked her from being able to view my page). She works as a social worker, so she knows how to do background checks, which she have tried to do on me, but failed. She tries to Google me all time.
How do you know that she tries to Google you all the time? Why on earth would she be jealous of you?
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Old 08-04-2013, 07:43 AM
 
2,539 posts, read 2,908,882 times
Reputation: 2742
I had to struggle with toxic family members longer than I care to admit. If you know you cannot have a healthy relationship with your aunt or father as a young adult, continue to have little to no contact with them. Maybe in time, things will change, it is hard to say.

Obviously, I don't know your entire family relationships with these people other than what you have posted. Just be cautious with the other members of the family on what you share about your life if you think the aunt still tries to "badmouth" you to other family members. You basically know to limit what you can share.

This is hard to do, but can be done: you also need to worry less about what other people think or say about you as much as possible and set yourself as a good example the best way you know how.

You can also limit your activity on Facebook for a while and use the privacy settings for the FB friends you think might share the info with the aunt who appears not to have your best interests.
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Old 08-06-2013, 11:56 AM
 
Location: North America
19,635 posts, read 12,394,943 times
Reputation: 8282
Quote:
Originally Posted by sajae90 View Post
Sorry if this is going to be long, but I feel like I have to get the whole story out in order for people to understand. Okay, I do not get along with my dad...neither does my step sister..we both believe that he is emotionally abusive, for example; when me and my step sister would visit, he would always try to get us two to clean and prepare meals for him, his wife, and two other children, while the other two kids would never have to do chores. I would always refuse to play Cinderella while my other sister would just take it. At any rate, half the family took my father's side, while the other half took my side about the situation. I believe my father has something called, Convert Narrcissism (sp?), which is really hard to detect with an untrained eye. This would explain is psychotic and wierd behavior.

At any rate, he asked an aunt to talk to me when I was a teenager. This aunt started out being helpful, but as soon as she saw that I was pursuing modeling/acting (just like her daughter was...I'm also about 10 years younger than her daughter) she started becoming manipulative. Any time I would confide in her about my problems with my father, she would go back to her daughter and the rest of the family and tell them everything I would say to make me appear as a villian. She turned about half of the family against me, but still tries to pretend that she is looking out for my best interest.

After I graduated college, her jealousy and manipulation intensified, to now where she is totally obsessed with me, such as trying to look at my Facebook pictures, etc. through my cousin's account (since I blocked her from being able to view my page). She works as a social worker, so she knows how to do background checks, which she have tried to do on me, but failed. She tries to Google me all time.....

Basically, I don't like none of the family on my father's side, except for a good handful of my younger cousins, and my blood half sister. My half sister recently just had a baby, and I would like to get closer to her and my nephew......but I don't want to deal with our father or my step-mom. Does anyone have any advice or can maybe shed some thought on my family's wierd, dysfunctional behavior? It sounds like they need a scape goat for all of their problems, but since I haven't seen none of them for 7 years, they are desperate to try to get me to "come back" to visit them.......no thanks.
OK, sounds like you're the problem. You can't get along with two different people in your own family. If you don't want to cook for your family, don't, but don't expect them to pick up after or cook for you.

And how do you know your Aunt is googling you all the time?

I call shenanigans.
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Old 08-08-2013, 01:26 AM
 
3,048 posts, read 6,556,259 times
Reputation: 2057
Have you tried now as an adult talking to your aunt and dad about how you feel and the past? If you feel your aunt is googling you can you talk to her about why?
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Old 08-08-2013, 09:20 AM
 
12,870 posts, read 15,354,667 times
Reputation: 14809
sajae90...the example you give "that's supposed to show emotional abuse" is not a good one (in my opinion). Lots of fathers will try and get their daughters to cook up a meal, especially if they know them to be good cooks...Maybe a compliment instead...It absolutely does not show "weird and psychotic" behavior....If you feel he is so abusive , why would you except his sister (on his recommendations) to confide in?...Your problem seems to be the "manipulative" and untrustworthy aunt that you confided in....it sounds to me that you just need to be more firm on what you will and won't do for your family, and to not feel guilty if you just say no.
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Old 08-08-2013, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
2,761 posts, read 2,358,555 times
Reputation: 4809
All of our families are dysfunctional in some way or another so there's no point in trying to bother with trying to figure out how to "stop" it....
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Old 08-08-2013, 05:24 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,043 posts, read 14,274,803 times
Reputation: 8900
Quote:
Originally Posted by sajae90 View Post
Sorry if this is going to be long, but I feel like I have to get the whole story out in order for people to understand. Okay, I do not get along with my dad...neither does my step sister..we both believe that he is emotionally abusive, for example; when me and my step sister would visit, he would always try to get us two to clean and prepare meals for him, his wife, and two other children, while the other two kids would never have to do chores. I would always refuse to play Cinderella while my other sister would just take it. At any rate, half the family took my father's side, while the other half took my side about the situation. I believe my father has something called, Convert Narrcissism (sp?), which is really hard to detect with an untrained eye. This would explain is psychotic and wierd behavior.

At any rate, he asked an aunt to talk to me when I was a teenager. This aunt started out being helpful, but as soon as she saw that I was pursuing modeling/acting (just like her daughter was...I'm also about 10 years younger than her daughter) she started becoming manipulative. Any time I would confide in her about my problems with my father, she would go back to her daughter and the rest of the family and tell them everything I would say to make me appear as a villian. She turned about half of the family against me, but still tries to pretend that she is looking out for my best interest.

After I graduated college, her jealousy and manipulation intensified, to now where she is totally obsessed with me, such as trying to look at my Facebook pictures, etc. through my cousin's account (since I blocked her from being able to view my page). She works as a social worker, so she knows how to do background checks, which she have tried to do on me, but failed. She tries to Google me all time.....

Basically, I don't like none of the family on my father's side, except for a good handful of my younger cousins, and my blood half sister. My half sister recently just had a baby, and I would like to get closer to her and my nephew......but I don't want to deal with our father or my step-mom. Does anyone have any advice or can maybe shed some thought on my family's wierd, dysfunctional behavior? It sounds like they need a scape goat for all of their problems, but since I haven't seen none of them for 7 years, they are desperate to try to get me to "come back" to visit them.......no thanks.
I agree with Willow Wind. Finding out why won't change anything. It simply IS and it is not acceptable.
DNA doesn't excuse abusive behavior. If anything, it makes it even more offensive. I would remove them from my life, if I were you. If you do this and you want to have relationships with family members you do respect, they will have to accept that you want nothing to do with those who are toxic for you. This might be a problem as they may not be in the same place you are. You have to accept the possibility that you may not be able to have relationships with them either.
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