U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-03-2013, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
32,980 posts, read 19,952,237 times
Reputation: 12880

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by girlsunshine View Post
I agree with many of the other posters, when you speak in anger you give the greatest performance you will ever live to regret. If things are simmering and then get heated you will spurt all sorts if angry words that under a different circumstances would be discussed in an adult fashion. When you are angry and arguing you want to get those things out of you and once those things are said, you can't take them back. I surmise that if you say it, you truly mean it.
yes. agreed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-03-2013, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Somewhere gray and damp, close to the West Coast
12,013 posts, read 2,213,307 times
Reputation: 5087
A year and a half after the angry situation, I'm glad I kept my mouth shut the day I left.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2013, 01:38 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 29,397,464 times
Reputation: 19624
Sorry, I did not read the whole thread, just the OP.

I feel like when someone says something in anger, they mean it. It may be something that was building up or it may have been in the heat of the moment but if it was in their mind to say it, it is how they felt.

The same thing if someone was drinking. Truth serum.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2013, 01:51 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
32,980 posts, read 19,952,237 times
Reputation: 12880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
Sorry, I did not read the whole thread, just the OP.

I feel like when someone says something in anger, they mean it. It may be something that was building up or it may have been in the heat of the moment but if it was in their mind to say it, it is how they felt.

The same thing if someone was drinking
. Truth serum.
I 100% agree with this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2013, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
4,968 posts, read 7,300,575 times
Reputation: 1721
Mom has always said, especially in drunk anger, that the truth, too often, comes out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2013, 02:08 PM
 
4,881 posts, read 4,827,997 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
My opinion is that what people say in anger is how they truly feel deep down inside. Perhaps, not with that intensity but their statements are truthful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
Yes, I agree with you 100%.
^^^I do too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by girlsunshine View Post
I agree with many of the other posters, when you speak in anger you give the greatest performance you will ever live to regret. If things are simmering and then get heated you will spurt all sorts if angry words that under a different circumstances would be discussed in an adult fashion. When you are angry and arguing you want to get those things out of you and once those things are said, you can't take them back. I surmise that if you say it, you truly mean it.
^^^true and especially if the same hurtful remarks are said more than once. I can say that I never
say hurtful comments if I get angry.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2013, 02:14 PM
 
6,758 posts, read 8,269,837 times
Reputation: 6787
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
They might feel other, conflicting things about the person, as well
Definitely.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2013, 02:19 PM
 
Location: Somewhere extremely awesome
3,003 posts, read 2,450,166 times
Reputation: 2294
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
I think every one of us perhaps have had arguments with people at one time or another. I personally believe that how one fight is the key to whether or not one will have a successful, long term interpersonal relationship with that person. Fighting fairly with respect for one another is a critical social skill that one must learn.

However, I often wonder, do people's angry words mean something? Do they really talk out of anger (negative emotion) or they just let their true colors show? Many times, people have told me, "Don't take my angry words so seriously. I was just angry. Let it go." I am not sure if I can believe this.

Examples

1. A husband tells his wife, "You call this a marriage? This is a living hell, go to hell." My guy friend told his wife that, and later on, bought her roses and told her he was just angry

2. I broke my leg when I was in college, I was in the college water polo team, and I couldn't play sports at the time. One girl told me, "You are such a burden. We could have won if you were not acting stupid that day and accidentally broke your leg." Well, five days later, she told me, she was sorry, she was just angry

3. My brother in law told my sister, "I've never truly loved you, I married you because I thought you'd be a good wife." Several days later, he told her he was just angry, people say angry words when they are emotional

4. The classic "I hate you, go to hell"

So what do you think? Do you think you can take people's so called "angry words" seriously? Did they really mean what they said at the time when they were emotional? "We all say things we don't mean at one time or another" sounds like common sense, but I am not sure I can totally agree with this.
People are sometimes reactive. They might mean what they say for a specific moment, but do not mean what they say in the long term. So if I got in an argument and said "I hate you" to somebody that I clearly am angry with what they are saying to me/did to me, but obviously I do not hate them, then it's just anger. I would think the same thing if the situations were reversed. If there are specific details, those are more likely to be truths, but if you look at scenario #2 for example, possibly the girl really did feel that you should have been more careful (however unfair that may be), but clearly values you as a friend.

Let's put it this way - if you are unable to forgive a little, then you're expecting all relationships to be perfect. That's not a relationship - that's being horribly judgmental, and nobody will want to maintain friendships with somebody like that. Obviously, there are some things that are way over the line, but people do get angry sometimes.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2013, 02:21 PM
 
13,138 posts, read 20,706,093 times
Reputation: 35314
I believe you have to weigh the words against your previous relationship with the person who uttered them. I wouldn't put a lot of stock in them if a child or teen said "I hate you" to me. I would assume they didn't like what I just said.

My spouse started his own company, and it has definitely been a stressful process. More than once he's threatened to shut the whole operation down. I know he won't, he's just voicing frustration, in an angry voice. I can't think of a single time we've ever said we hated each other, or shouted that we were leaving though.

I'm much calmer by nature, so if I were to say either in anger, he would probably sit up and take notice. I'm saving it for when I get really mad, lol. Since it hasn't happened in 32 years, it probably won't.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2013, 07:35 PM
 
Location: mainland but born oahu
6,657 posts, read 6,400,105 times
Reputation: 3122
I don't necessary agree with religion but there is alot of wisdom in spiritual books, and one says what comes out of the mouth of man is the condition of his heart. I agree with this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:00 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top