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Old 08-03-2013, 04:37 PM
 
933 posts, read 1,201,178 times
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Thank you to everyone in advance. I have had a friend since I was very young. We used to hang out all of the time, and for a while, we were best friends.

Well, as life goes on (I will not specify my age), people move apart. I believe that is what happening here. He is now hanging out with the "popular" guys and has left me in the dust. He only calls me when others are not available. Now, I know he really likes me, but it seems like he is just too caught up in his own image and in this "clique" so to speak.

I'm just at a loss as to where to go from here. Part of me just says screw him, but the other part wants to do something, anything, to rekindle the friendship.

What do you all think I should do? Keep in mind, I am a VERY loyal friend.
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Old 08-03-2013, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,888 posts, read 17,196,676 times
Reputation: 40787
Quote:
Originally Posted by David910 View Post
Thank you to everyone in advance. I have had a friend since I was very young. We used to hang out all of the time, and for a while, we were best friends.

Well, as life goes on (I will not specify my age), people move apart. I believe that is what happening here. He is now hanging out with the "popular" guys and has left me in the dust. He only calls me when others are not available. Now, I know he really likes me, but it seems like he is just too caught up in his own image and in this "clique" so to speak.

I'm just at a loss as to where to go from here. Part of me just says screw him, but the other part wants to do something, anything, to rekindle the friendship.

What do you all think I should do? Keep in mind, I am a VERY loyal friend.
My husband was best friends with someone from age 12 to 18. Then my husband went to college, & grad school & law school & got married and didn't see the friend very often for about 10 -12 years. Well, my husband moved back to his home town and their friendship started again and they were best friends again from age 30 to when his friend died at age 55.

My point is that if you are real friends you may be good friends at a later date so don't burn any bridges behind you.

I know that it can be upsetting if you are just an "after thought" when no one else is around but hang in there and you may became best friends again.

Also, start to make friends with more people so that you aren't as dependent on him.

Good luck to you.
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Old 08-03-2013, 05:08 PM
 
933 posts, read 1,201,178 times
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Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
My husband was best friends with someone from age 12 to 18. Then my husband went to college, & grad school & law school & got married and didn't see the friend very often for about 10 -12 years. Well, my husband moved back to his home town and their friendship started again and they were best friends again from age 30 to when his friend died at age 55.

My point is that if you are real friends you may be good friends at a later date so don't burn any bridges behind you.

I know that it can be upsetting if you are just an "after thought" when no one else is around but hang in there and you may became best friends again.

Also, start to make friends with more people so that you aren't as dependent on him.

Good luck to you.
I'm not so much dependent on him, it's been almost a year since this started and I have managed fine, so much as hurt that someone who was so good friends with me could almost desert me. Just knowing that the only time he calls me is when no one else is available is not a good feeling, you know?

Thank you for your response.
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Old 08-03-2013, 05:29 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,187 posts, read 14,947,409 times
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I think maybe you have just outgrown one another. Friendship should make you feel good and if it doesn't, move on. This happens especially if you are younger and doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. I wouldn't stick around waiting for his new group to drop him. I don't like being 2nd choice myself.
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Old 08-03-2013, 06:18 PM
 
7,926 posts, read 9,639,531 times
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Originally Posted by David910 View Post
(I will not specify my age)
Seriously, are you 15? I can't remember a time, since I was a teenager, that I classified someone as "the popular guys". What does that even mean for adults? Are you not invited to the "cool kid" parties?
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Old 08-03-2013, 06:23 PM
 
933 posts, read 1,201,178 times
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Originally Posted by spencgr View Post
Seriously, are you 15? I can't remember a time, since I was a teenager, that I classified someone as "the popular guys". What does that even mean for adults? Are you not invited to the "cool kid" parties?
I'm old enough to be posting on these forums. I said that as a way for you all to understand who he was hanging out with now. Do you know what clique in the workplace is? It is like that. An exclusive clique who somehow, possibly by themselves, is deemed more "worthy" or something than others when they really aren't.

I honestly find this a little offensive, condescending, and mocking. I obviously have a problem and you are treating it like a joke. You talk a lot about adults, why don't you act like one.
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Old 08-03-2013, 06:52 PM
 
7,926 posts, read 9,639,531 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by David910 View Post
I'm old enough to be posting on these forums. I said that as a way for you all to understand who he was hanging out with now. Do you know what clique in the workplace is? It is like that. An exclusive clique who somehow, possibly by themselves, is deemed more "worthy" or something than others when they really aren't.

I honestly find this a little offensive, condescending, and mocking. I obviously have a problem and you are treating it like a joke. You talk a lot about adults, why don't you act like one.
Look, I've been an adult (legally) for 20 years. And, since the time I've been in college, I've realized that there are different crowds for different folks. And each of these crowds is "popular" with those specific type of people. Cliques are just groups of people who exclude other people. Is he hanging out with a group that purposely excludes you? Then, he is not hanging out with the "popular" crowd, he is hanging out with jerks. If this is the case, he is not your friend.

If you are not interested in hanging out with this crowd (due to other interests), then he is just hanging out with another group of friends. I have many friends who have various different circles. I don't expect to get along or be popular with all of their groups, nor do I expect my relationship with individuals to take preference over other relationships.

So, if I contact a friend to go out, and their first availability is three/ four weeks from now, then I book it on my calendar. I am, in no way, offended that they have other plans, friends, or obligations.

But, if I do have confirmed plans with someone, and they drop me for "better" options, then I'm likely to "drop" them as a friend.
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Old 08-03-2013, 07:08 PM
 
933 posts, read 1,201,178 times
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Originally Posted by spencgr View Post
Look, I've been an adult (legally) for 20 years. And, since the time I've been in college, I've realized that there are different crowds for different folks. And each of these crowds is "popular" with those specific type of people. Cliques are just groups of people who exclude other people. Is he hanging out with a group that purposely excludes you? Then, he is not hanging out with the "popular" crowd, he is hanging out with jerks. If this is the case, he is not your friend.

If you are not interested in hanging out with this crowd (due to other interests), then he is just hanging out with another group of friends. I have many friends who have various different circles. I don't expect to get along or be popular with all of their groups, nor do I expect my relationship with individuals to take preference over other relationships.

So, if I contact a friend to go out, and their first availability is three/ four weeks from now, then I book it on my calendar. I am, in no way, offended that they have other plans, friends, or obligations.

But, if I do have confirmed plans with someone, and they drop me for "better" options, then I'm likely to "drop" them as a friend.
They don't necessairly exclude me personally, but rather, they exclude everyone not considered "cool" enough for them if you know what I mean.
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Old 08-03-2013, 07:17 PM
 
7,926 posts, read 9,639,531 times
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Originally Posted by David910 View Post
They don't necessairly exclude me personally, but rather, they exclude everyone not considered "cool" enough for them if you know what I mean.
I know exactly what you mean. You are dealing with jerks. Now, I don't have a lot of friends that associate with this "jerk" crowd, but I have a few. But, they have the right to associate with whomever they want. You need to decide if that matters to you.
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Old 08-03-2013, 07:29 PM
 
933 posts, read 1,201,178 times
Reputation: 1024
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Originally Posted by spencgr View Post
I know exactly what you mean. You are dealing with jerks. Now, I don't have a lot of friends that associate with this "jerk" crowd, but I have a few. But, they have the right to associate with whomever they want. You need to decide if that matters to you.
It doesn't mater to me. I guess what bothers me is how I feel like I've been left in the dust, only used when absolutely needed. It's not so much who he hangs out with, although the way the people he hangs out with conduct themselves is not preferable to me.
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