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Old 08-06-2013, 01:09 PM
 
Location: USA
1,590 posts, read 1,724,528 times
Reputation: 1630

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coach_B View Post
I am really good friends with a coworker of mine who is male that I've known for 5 years. He hangs out with me and my two female friends at break and lunch. He fits in better with the girls and doesn't hang with the guys much because he is more of the sensitive fatherly type than the sports manly 'where is my sandwich' type that I work with. He puts everyone ahead of himself and is a selfless giver that would do anything for anyone. He is married with a family and he always said how happy he is with his situation. I am also happy with my significant other.

I have always considered him a friend, like a BEST girlfriend. We do click really well and can finish each others sentences without even thinking. We text a lot and talk/vent about everything like good friends do. We sometimes have lunch together (alone and with others). We sometimes have a crude sense of humor that could be taken as bad by an outsider but that is our humor in my girls group. I said one day 'You were probably my brother in another life' because we are crazily similar and think the same in terms of almost everything.
He laughed & agreed.

He told me he doesn't have many quality friends and I am the best. But, I feel like within the last few months he is more flirty friendly toward me than the others. Other people have noticed and they make comments all the time about how he pays very close attention to making sure I am comfortable and happy. He finds excuses to bring me snacks, touch my feet & hair, and wait on me.

He has started teaching me tennis a few days a week because I've been wanting to learn for our work game on the weekend and he had lessons all his life. He has been very helpful, but it also seems like he likes to get behind me and find a reason to touch me while showing me to hit the ball. I assume this is 1) part of the lesson 2) him just being a guy with an excuse for him to get closer.

Is it just friendly entertainment of attention/tension or do you think I have trouble on my hands? He is such a good friend but people have me wondering
I think that maybe he is starting to fall in love with you. It's possible for that to happen when you find a person with whom you click so much.

Maybe he is even afraid to admit it to himself (because that would mean that your relationship is wrong). But it doesn't change the fact that the feelings are probably there. (We can love more than one person. He can love his wife and you, at the same time).
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Old 08-06-2013, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Alaska
5,356 posts, read 16,301,338 times
Reputation: 4023
I think you have an office husband on your hands. As to where it can go depends on how you handle it.

The Office Spouse: Rules of Engagement
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Old 08-06-2013, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
3,785 posts, read 9,192,045 times
Reputation: 7361
Quote:
Originally Posted by MountainGuy74 View Post
Well if I were your husband and you were texting/chatting with your male coworker as often as you say you do AND he's already gone as far as he has I would be pretty upset and suspect something was going on. It's o.k. to have male friends but you have to know where to draw the line and it seems that you have gone past that and continuing this "friendship" is disrespectful to both your husband and his wife.
I dunno. I question how you really feel about him. I mean, where are you finding all of this time to devote to him? He seems to be a pretty big priority in your life. Why? At the very least, you're sending mixed signals to him. The first time a male "friend" touches me is the last. And he's doing it several times. I think you know how exactly how to fix this. Set boundaries. The question is why haven't you?
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Old 08-06-2013, 03:32 PM
 
Location: IN
247 posts, read 679,537 times
Reputation: 209
Quote:
Originally Posted by bande1102 View Post
I dunno. I question how you really feel about him. I mean, where are you finding all of this time to devote to him? He seems to be a pretty big priority in your life. Why? At the very least, you're sending mixed signals to him. The first time a male "friend" touches me is the last. And he's doing it several times. I think you know how exactly how to fix this. Set boundaries. The question is why haven't you?
I like who he is but like I said the thought of being 'with' him makes me cringe. I don't feel like I spend too much more time with him than my other close work friends. We hang out during the downtime as a group & the recent tennis guidance has been the only thing outside of work aside from occasional texts. Is that too much? Perhaps this is different when it is not a female. I admit I laugh off the touches and just move myself away because he is my friend & I don't really know what to say & it is not like they happen at every meeting.

This was so easy in college but now this close friend/opposite sex thing is complicated.
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Old 08-07-2013, 05:55 AM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
1,091 posts, read 1,212,720 times
Reputation: 1765
Pulp Fiction:

Vincent: I ain't saying it's right. But you're saying a foot massage don't mean nothing, and I'm saying it does. Now look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. We act like they don't, but they do, and that's what's so f***ing cool about them. There's a sensuous thing going on where you don't talk about it, but you know it, she knows it........
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Old 08-07-2013, 12:25 PM
 
Location: finally where I am meant to be
212 posts, read 549,940 times
Reputation: 184
If you value his friendship and want to stay friends, you need to have a talk with him. You need to find out what is going on with him on his end. Point blank ask him if he is starting to have feelings for you. And, you need to let him know it is making you uncomfortable. Be honest. Don't laugh off the touches, let him know it is not ok with you. Tell him you don't want to hurt his feelings, but the touching makes you uncomfortable. Some people are more touchy . lovie dovie than others so maybe giving him the benefit of the doubt he doesn't realize ???
And, men and women can be friends only I have male friends (am a married woman) but they know there are certain boundaries that are not crossed, heck even before I was married I had platonic only male friends , but the relationship was known. Communication works with friendships not just romantic relationships !! Good Luck
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Old 08-07-2013, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Philippines
122 posts, read 127,419 times
Reputation: 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coach_B View Post
I have always considered him a friend, like a BEST girlfriend.
This got me confused. However, I think it's best to talk to him. You might have or might not have a problem but it will surely be settled if you confront him. He might have feelings for you but the good thing about this is you can set the record straight about your relationship and you can finally move passed this.
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Old 08-07-2013, 01:06 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,842 posts, read 20,086,063 times
Reputation: 12297
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coach_B View Post
I am really good friends with a coworker of mine who is male that I've known for 5 years. He hangs out with me and my two female friends at break and lunch. He fits in better with the girls and doesn't hang with the guys much because he is more of the sensitive fatherly type than the sports manly 'where is my sandwich' type that I work with. He puts everyone ahead of himself and is a selfless giver that would do anything for anyone. He is married with a family and he always said how happy he is with his situation. I am also happy with my significant other.

I have always considered him a friend, like a BEST girlfriend. We do click really well and can finish each others sentences without even thinking. We text a lot and talk/vent about everything like good friends do. We sometimes have lunch together (alone and with others). We sometimes have a crude sense of humor that could be taken as bad by an outsider but that is our humor in my girls group. I said one day 'You were probably my brother in another life' because we are crazily similar and think the same in terms of almost everything.
He laughed & agreed.

He told me he doesn't have many quality friends and I am the best. But, I feel like within the last few months he is more flirty friendly toward me than the others. Other people have noticed and they make comments all the time about how he pays very close attention to making sure I am comfortable and happy. He finds excuses to bring me snacks, touch my feet & hair, and wait on me.

He has started teaching me tennis a few days a week because I've been wanting to learn for our work game on the weekend and he had lessons all his life. He has been very helpful, but it also seems like he likes to get behind me and find a reason to touch me while showing me to hit the ball. I assume this is 1) part of the lesson 2) him just being a guy with an excuse for him to get closer.

Is it just friendly entertainment of attention/tension or do you think I have trouble on my hands? He is such a good friend but people have me wondering
So are you a man or a woman? And does it matter? Just cool things by making yourself less available.
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Old 08-09-2013, 05:13 AM
 
Location: Phoenix Arizona
718 posts, read 1,543,825 times
Reputation: 1637
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darthfrodo View Post
Pulp Fiction:

Vincent: I ain't saying it's right. But you're saying a foot massage don't mean nothing, and I'm saying it does. Now look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. We act like they don't, but they do, and that's what's so f***ing cool about them. There's a sensuous thing going on where you don't talk about it, but you know it, she knows it........
I was totally thinking about the exact same scene
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Old 08-11-2013, 05:28 PM
 
355 posts, read 1,089,379 times
Reputation: 271
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coach_B View Post
I am really good friends with a coworker of mine who is male that I've known for 5 years. He hangs out with me and my two female friends at break and lunch. He fits in better with the girls and doesn't hang with the guys much because he is more of the sensitive fatherly type than the sports manly 'where is my sandwich' type that I work with. He puts everyone ahead of himself and is a selfless giver that would do anything for anyone. He is married with a family and he always said how happy he is with his situation. I am also happy with my significant other.

I have always considered him a friend, like a BEST girlfriend. We do click really well and can finish each others sentences without even thinking. We text a lot and talk/vent about everything like good friends do. We sometimes have lunch together (alone and with others). We sometimes have a crude sense of humor that could be taken as bad by an outsider but that is our humor in my girls group. I said one day 'You were probably my brother in another life' because we are crazily similar and think the same in terms of almost everything.
He laughed & agreed.

He told me he doesn't have many quality friends and I am the best. But, I feel like within the last few months he is more flirty friendly toward me than the others. Other people have noticed and they make comments all the time about how he pays very close attention to making sure I am comfortable and happy. He finds excuses to bring me snacks, touch my feet & hair, and wait on me.

He has started teaching me tennis a few days a week because I've been wanting to learn for our work game on the weekend and he had lessons all his life. He has been very helpful, but it also seems like he likes to get behind me and find a reason to touch me while showing me to hit the ball. I assume this is 1) part of the lesson 2) him just being a guy with an excuse for him to get closer.

Is it just friendly entertainment of attention/tension or do you think I have trouble on my hands? He is such a good friend but people have me wondering
You have trouble on your hands...lol If you noticed him becoming more flirty, he might be falling for you. The best thing for you to do in this situation is to make sure not to gossip with your coworkers or friends about your friendship together... which can lead to disaster. Coworkers are known for gossiping...and they may be even a little jealous of the attention he gives you. What is important is that you two sit down and talk. Nip it in the bud...early on. Draw a clear line...unless you don't mind having an affair with a married man.

You have a challenge, because I have many male friends, and one thing i know is; if they are attracted to you, it is hard for them to just be your friend. No matter how many times you tell them it will never happen, they still hold on in the back in their mind, that MAYBE, you two might get together. It is the most annoying thing for a woman, because you may only like him as a friend, and he is looking at you like a potential bed partner lol It is time for you and your friend to talk.....and NOW!
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