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Thanks for your input, Yaz! Yeah, everyone's reaction totally threw me off that day. I think I even cried a litte. But you're right, some people just want to be offended.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Candy_Apple
My husband actually got prune juice for his 40th, and the same group of people who shunned us were there and laughed this time. Maybe SIL was truly incontinent, and we just didn't know it?
My two cents: If one person has a weird reaction to something, maybe it's just a fluke. If multiple people are reacting the same way, then I would start to question whether I had inadvertently done something that wasn't coming across the way I intended it to. Maybe your ex-husband had been unkind to his sister before? Maybe there was a sore spot there and the recipient had expressed anxiety or sadness about turning 40? Maybe the way the "joke" was played made her feel humiliated and other people at the party realized it, while you and your ex-husband were too wrapped up in thinking you were funny?
I wouldn't beat myself up over it, but I would think about it before doing the same again.
Do you think that they people that I mentioned, the man whose mother had recently died of colon cancer who got prune juice, the bride who had a hysterectomy & severe depression from being unable to have children receiving gag baby gifts and the coworker who didn't want a 40th birthday celebration (especially NOT with fake tombstones) because her mother had died when she was 40 were taking life "WAY too seriously"?
Some of you may think that gag gifts are always funny but sometimes insensitive or people who don't know all the facts may think that things are funny when they really aren't.
I agree. And I think if it's a very close, personal friend and it's done in private, that's one thing. Doing ANYTHING in front of a room full of people makes a "joke" potentially that much more hurtful.
I never find gag gifts funny, but rarely insulting. I just think they're cliched and un-creative. Kinda like the "it's a big hat...it's funny"
Ever notice how a gag gift giver has to remind you it's supposed to be funny by guffawing loudly when it's opened?
I have never been the recipient of one, nor have I ever given one.
The "big hat - see? It's funny!" thing resonated for me though.
My son had the occasion to meet an estranged grandfather on my ex's side about a year ago. The family, who has a rather broad and unsubtle sense of humor, is known for this type of thing.
My ex-father in law met him in a restaurant with a baseball cap with bushy long yellow hair attached to it.
My son laughed - sort of uncomfortably and had lunch with him.
The entire time the man kept referring to "the hat", how funny it was, where he bought it and attempting to force my then 18 year old son to put it on.
He came home saying "it was weird, mom. Kinda like having lunch with a twelve year old".
He would have preferred to have had his Grandad ask him about college, that he was starting in a month, talk about his trip to Sweden, anything but the stupid hairy hat.
True. I agree that most gag gifts are too cliche to really be funny. People chuckle but that doesn't mean they're really in stitches over them.
To me they're just a waste of money, it's better to just get something that would be useful -- gourmet coffee or whatever.
In my son's case, a bag of Starbucks to take to college and pictures of hid Grandad's recent Swedish trip,perhaps a tee shirt from Sweden, would have been way more appropriate.
My son brought him is framed graduation picture and a framed picture of his grandfather holding him as a baby.
He kept insisting that my son take the hat home. He politely declined.
These are people who laugh when someone slips and falls - in real life.
Gag birthday gifts need to be only among forever friends who share a goofy sense of humor or blood relatives. NEVER in-laws.
Again, sharing that type of sense of humor, is a MUST.
Gag gifts are a waste of money and I have never appreciated them . . . and I don't like getting or giving them. If a party invite requires bringing a gag gift, I turn down the invite. I do not like "slap stick" humor (people falling down, pies in faces, etc) and to me -- gag gifts fall in that same category.
However, having said all that . . . I certainly would not make an issue out of it if someone gave me a bottle of Geritol and a box of Depends. I would just smile and say something appropriate so as not to embarrass the gift-giver, i.e. "Yes, my advancing age will doubtless mean I will be needing these items! Thank you!" (end of it).
I have never been the recipient of one, nor have I ever given one.
The "big hat - see? It's funny!" thing resonated for me though.
My son had the occasion to meet an estranged grandfather on my ex's side about a year ago. The family, who has a rather broad and unsubtle sense of humor, is known for this type of thing.
My ex-father in law met him in a restaurant with a baseball cap with bushy long yellow hair attached to it.
My son laughed - sort of uncomfortably and had lunch with him.
The entire time the man kept referring to "the hat", how funny it was, where he bought it and attempting to force my then 18 year old son to put it on.
He came home saying "it was weird, mom. Kinda like having lunch with a twelve year old".
He would have preferred to have had his Grandad ask him about college, that he was starting in a month, talk about his trip to Sweden, anything but the stupid hairy hat.
It was focused on the "gag" not the get together.
Oh my what a great/sad/funny story all in one!
It reminds me of one New Years Eve we spent low key with my in-laws, watching movies, playing games, eating, drinking etc. Very mellow and fun up to that point.
At one point someone started passing out enormous, cheap, misshapen, gag "sunglasses" with feathers, rhinestones, etc. Mind you we're all in our pajamas really just chillin in a big family room, half of us were near asleep. Then it was a round of guffaws and picture taking using every combination of people, A with B and C, then B with C and D, then A with D and E, non-freakin-stop, all orchestrated by the two sunglasses pimps.
I declined...thinking it was an innocuous move, well..........you would have thought I killed the dog. Two others declined as well and all of a sudden the mood got weird. It wasn't like we were sulking in a corner; just don't want these uncomfortable plastic monstrosities on my face. If we were out in public, or at a costume party that would have been different.
I doubt I get an "over the hill" shirt when I turn 40, so I'll probably buy one for myself!
We are getting my SIL good. She is very adamant that she is 27 despite having an 18 year old son.
The gag gifts we do in our family though, are more personal. They have to do with inside jokes, they aren't just a generic one. They are usually ones that just fit our family; and they do have thoughts put into them. Because we are a humourous family, we do enjoy them but they have a meaning to them as well, and with the inside joke, etc we also appreciate them or get use out of them. So, our gag gifts tend to not just be a random, stupid, useless thing either. There can be a happy medium. We also do thoughtful gifts, and we also have other things to talk about as well, it's not like we meet up and it's stupid humor the whole time.
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