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Old 08-17-2013, 11:36 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,660 posts, read 8,947,264 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now View Post
IF people asked about me I would never think any question is inane! I would answer pretty much any question if the person was truly curious. I would view the fact that they wanted to know about me a complement.
I guess I don't ask questions about a person's cooking habits as I think that is such a boring thing to talk about. There are so many more interesting things to talk about than that.
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Old 08-17-2013, 07:44 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,183 posts, read 39,730,739 times
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People like to talk about themselves....... too much..... and you get in the way of them bloviating about themselves......
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Old 08-17-2013, 08:22 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,547 posts, read 14,173,408 times
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I posted a similar answer in another of your queries. What I've learned as a new resident in this city, is that after people get the gist of why I'm here and where I'm from, and after they try to make a personal connection to where I'm from (often unsuccessfully, but at least they try) is that no one is interested in me at all.

If you don't share a recent history together, I think people don't really care that much about you. I have to say that I have been that way too.

It is just better to understand this, and accept it.
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Old 08-18-2013, 08:17 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 29,386,959 times
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OP, people are just not the same anymore. A lot, not all, people are all about themselves. We live in a me, me, me society and you do not fit in.

I was just visiting my elderly neighbors yesterday, and I suppose I was there for an hour or two. I was very eager to sit and listen to them talking about how they met and came to be married for 70 years, it was a wonderful conversation. I got to ask them questions about their lives and their children, etc.

They, in turn, asked about me as well.

It was a nice visit and we both learned new things about one another, as well as followed up on some things we already knew.

It really is not too much to ask, but not everyone cares.

OP, how have you been? =)
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Old 08-18-2013, 09:19 AM
 
1,871 posts, read 1,657,330 times
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This is something that frustrates me to know end. I get so tired of making the effort to get to know people and ask them about themselves. They wanna talk talk talk about themselves and all their stuff but then no effort to ask me about myself. I just have gotten to the point where I don't wanna make an effort with people and I am sure I come off as an ******* but if you don't wanna make the effort to get to know me I don't wanna make the effort to get to know you. It is emotionally draining and exhausting. I agree with the poster about people have not been taught manners.

Charlie.
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Old 08-18-2013, 12:32 PM
 
750 posts, read 1,264,152 times
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So funny. I was just talking about this yesterday with a friend.

We were chatting along and I said "so, what's new?" She said nobody asks that any more and she was getting tired of listening to monologues and "organ recitals" from all the hypochondriacs.

My own mother has always needed to be in charge of conversations. I can talk to her on the phone for an hour without ever mentioning what's happening in my life. She doesn't ask and doesn't care; I don't volunteer. When I've tried, she just steers the conversation back to herself or her friends or her friends' children, or the neighbors or family members. I get detailed descriptions of her meals and what she's watched on TV.

Once, she and a cousin and I were having dinner and the cousin and I were talking about some subject (can't even remember what it was) and she scolded me for "always being so secretive". I nearly lost my meal, but managed to not laugh at her. She will never change, and she knows only the barest minimum about me.

Guess I am one of those spoiled only children you hear about.
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Old 08-18-2013, 12:51 PM
 
Location: in my mind
4,751 posts, read 6,488,190 times
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I think it sometimes helps to be more assertive about these things, rather than sitting back and waiting for others to do what you want them to do (ask you questions).

An easy way to do this is ask the person something about themselves, and then after you've responded to that, mention something about yourself. The key here though is to not skip the part about giving a meaningful response to what they said.

I find many people are not very skilled at conversation, so when I encounter folks like that, I adjust my style and try to make the process enjoyable for myself and for the other person. I experienced this with two co-workers at a picnic this week. I like both of them, but they are a bit on the shy side. If I had waited for them to lead the conversation, it would have been quite awkward because they don't really have those skills. So I started asking them questions and then responded to their stories with some of my own, which then caused them to open up a bit and it went from there.

Some people are too far at the end of the bell curve in terms of conversational skills that after a few minutes, I would just choose to not spend any more time talking to them. I tend to not cultivate those types as friends any more.
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Old 08-18-2013, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Canada
3,870 posts, read 2,703,704 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now View Post
One of my greatest frustrations I faced in my long trip across America
I think it might have something to do with the people not living in your location and not being able to relate to your life.

I am reminded of my early twenties. Upon graduation, I left my home city to move to a much larger city 1,500 miles away, where I knew no one, to take up a great job. I was really excited and considered the move quite an adventure, particularly since I'd never been on my own before.

Whenever I returned home for visits ,neither friends or family seemed interested in asking me questions about my new life after they knew the bare basics about where I lived and what my job was. I was a little hurt but actually more puzzled than hurt. I kind of came to the conclusion that they simply couldn't relate. None of them were ever in the least bit interested in moving anywhere else but where they lived.

Anyway, I just decided to accept their disinterest. I asked about their lives because I was interested and I just talked about stuff that I had liked to talk about before I ever left. It was always weird feeling visiting though. For years I always felt like I was living two lives that had nothing in common. It was almost being like two people, particularly since my adult life only started when I moved away.
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Old 08-18-2013, 03:26 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
1,630 posts, read 2,359,195 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnirene View Post
I think it might have something to do with the people not living in your location and not being able to relate to your life.

I am reminded of my early twenties. Upon graduation, I left my home city to move to a much larger city 1,500 miles away, where I knew no one, to take up a great job. I was really excited and considered the move quite an adventure, particularly since I'd never been on my own before.

Whenever I returned home for visits ,neither friends or family seemed interested in asking me questions about my new life after they knew the bare basics about where I lived and what my job was. I was a little hurt but actually more puzzled than hurt. I kind of came to the conclusion that they simply couldn't relate. None of them were ever in the least bit interested in moving anywhere else but where they lived.

Anyway, I just decided to accept their disinterest. I asked about their lives because I was interested and I just talked about stuff that I had liked to talk about before I ever left. It was always weird feeling visiting though. For years I always felt like I was living two lives that had nothing in common. It was almost being like two people, particularly since my adult life only started when I moved away.
YES!!!!! That was my experience moving to NYC. No one visited even though I invited them often and my stories of scratching out a living in such a daunting place got enmity instead of interest. I'm visiting home and I've put off seeing the friends I was sure I wanted to see because it's disorienting. I'm not the same person.

Anywho, OP volunteer some funny juicy stories about your current adventures. If that doesn't spark an interest...there's something else going on.
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Old 08-18-2013, 03:41 PM
 
Location: California
30,509 posts, read 33,316,873 times
Reputation: 25975
It's a strange thing. I'm middle aged and my long term marriage ended and I went back to work. The kids are grown. Occasionally people I've known, usually family members, will ask about me..."how ARE you?" "what is going on with you?" I tell them about my job, what's happening with my house, what the kids are up to, what activity I recently did, but they don't seem to care. They say "yes, yes, but what about YOU?" It confused me. Then I realize they just want to know if I'm dating or having sex.
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