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One of my greatest frustrations I faced in my long trip across America as a newly retired person reconnecting with old friends and relatives was one simple thing that drove me crazy: Here it is:
FEW PEOPLE ASKED ABOUT ME!
I am interested in them. I wanted to know what they were up to, where they traveled, what they thought about current events and popular culture, what is happening in their family, etc. But to me conversation is a two way street. Ask me about me and I will gladly ask about you. Am I asking for too much?
In social settings do your friends and relatives ask about you?
No, I actually dislike when people ask about me and what I've been up to. I work a lot and drink socially on the weekends and watch sports. What else is there to know?
No, I don't think you're asking for too much, but I think you are living in the past. People used to be taught manners. There were codes to appropriate social interaction. Yes, many of them were contrived and silly and they began to disappear in the 1960s. But unfortunately, we threw away the baby with the bathwater, as people who know what that means used to say.
For example, back when we were supposed to have an equal number of men and women at a dinner party, they were seated man/woman/man/woman. Each guest was supposed to converse with the person on their left and then converse with the person on their right. Everyone at the table was chatting and each got equal attention. There's no reason people couldn't still be taught to do that, even if the person next to them wasn't someone of the opposite sex or someone they would supposedly be paired with for some other reason.
But do you see people do that any more? Do you suppose if you stopped people on the street and asked them if they knew of this custom, they would have heard of it? Do people even have dinner parties anymore? I used to all the time but I've given up. It was too expensive and difficult to do when some people would fail to show up on time or at all, others would bring friends or children without letting me know, so many people have special diets they expect you to accommodate, etc. If I complained I was told that I was too rigid and I should do more casual entertaining. (How about none at all, was my feeling.)
In any case, invitations are rarely returned today. So it's not as if you create a social life for yourself by inviting others. If you host people for a meal, how often are you invited to be their guest? Often never. I know people who have accepted invitations to my home multiple times, yet they have never invited me to anything. Not their home, not to a restaurant, not even for coffee.
These are the very same people who feel no need to ask about YOU just because you asked about them. That's the way it is these days. If you meet someone whose manners DO seem appropriate to you, by all means enjoy their company. And appreciate them, as they are a dying breed.
Very few parents teach manners these days. Even in cases where traditional behavior is somewhat observed, like weddings and funerals, people can still decide to forgo convention and do as they please — hosts and guests alike.
Last edited by Jukesgrrl; 08-16-2013 at 04:15 PM..
No, I actually dislike when people ask about me and what I've been up to. I work a lot and drink socially on the weekends and watch sports. What else is there to know?
I agree.
Needless conversation is overrated, especially since most of it is predicated on societal norms.
One of my greatest frustrations I faced in my long trip across America as a newly retired person reconnecting with old friends and relatives was one simple thing that drove me crazy: Here it is:
FEW PEOPLE ASKED ABOUT ME!
I am interested in them. I wanted to know what they were up to, where they traveled, what they thought about current events and popular culture, what is happening in their family, etc. But to me conversation is a two way street. Ask me about me and I will gladly ask about you. Am I asking for too much?
In social settings do your friends and relatives ask about you?
NO.
And it's a great sign of what's wrong with society if you ask me. I'm 21 and still have a lot to learn but gooooodness does it confuse me, because like yourself, I too believe that conversation should be a two way street. I believe conversation should be engaging and well the only way it can be engaging is if the parties involved show an active interest in what the other person is saying. I've been running into a few hiccups in my social life as of late--mainly because I haven't learned how to kick the dreadful habit of caring what others think--but in the midst of caring what others think, I've tried changing up my conversational style to no real avail or success.
If I try to ask a person about them self, their summer, their day, if they are feeling better about that situation they seemed so stressed about a week ago, I typically get flat responses. I actually had a "friend," back in hs who use to text ME, initiating conversation with ME but whenever I asked her about herself or tried to show interest in her, she'd give me one word responses; fine, alright, yeah and the ever annoying "true." I mean hello!
But when I try to take the approach that people will talk about themselves and let you in on their own, and just talk about myself and leave it to them to add their own input on their life--I'm selfish. I'm the conceited, all consumed one. So you know what, I give up!
One of my greatest frustrations I faced in my long trip across America as a newly retired person reconnecting with old friends and relatives was one simple thing that drove me crazy: Here it is:
FEW PEOPLE ASKED ABOUT ME!
There's nothing so dull as a retired aunt/uncle visiting and wanting to expound...
I'm 64 years old and newly retired, so that should tell you something.
There's a Retirement forum here on C-D, post this there and see if you get a different response.
It depends for me. I don't mind talking about things I do for fun or about my job, but I hate when people ask personal questions like finances or really inane questions. One question I used to get a lot from extended family was do I do my own cooking. Why is that even an interesting question? I've heard people say if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all. I think if you don't have something interesting to say don't say anything at all.
IF people asked about me I would never think any question is inane! I would answer pretty much any question if the person was truly curious. I would view the fact that they wanted to know about me a complement.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoEagle
It depends for me. I don't mind talking about things I do for fun or about my job, but I hate when people ask personal questions like finances or really inane questions. One question I used to get a lot from extended family was do I do my own cooking. Why is that even an interesting question? I've heard people say if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all. I think if you don't have something interesting to say don't say anything at all.
I'm sorry, but you sound like my four year old grand-daughter when she feels like she's not getting enough attention.
My mother pulls this crap and we learned a long ago not to fall for it. She's a bit of a whiner as well and gets ticked when she's not the center of attention at family gatherings....dont' worry, I put a comfy chair in that corner.
This has been a strange year for me, three friends that I have not seen for 10-20 years all reunited with me. In fact, they came to visit me, we had a great time, and yes, they needed to know every detail of my life, past, present and future.
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