So few people ask me, "so what's happening with YOU?"

[Jukesgrrl]

Originally Posted by cdnirene

I think it might have something to do with the people not living in your location and not being able to relate to your life ... Whenever I returned home for visits ,neither friends or family seemed interested in asking me questions about my new life after they knew the bare basics about where I lived and what my job was. I was a little hurt but actually more puzzled than hurt. I kind of came to the conclusion that they simply couldn't relate. None of them were ever in the least bit interested in moving anywhere else but where they lived ...

I think you've hit on something that's happening to the OP. I really never thought of it the way you and Ceece and Ticatica are explaining it, but that's happened to me, too. I travel a lot and have lived in many places, from Washington, DC, to Washington State. But even when the moves were happening, very few people ever asked me any detailed questions about it. I'm always curious about "other" places ... I'm the person who begs to see people's travel photos ... I always read novels that take place in countries I've never been to ... but I do seem to be in a minority.

From the time I moved away from the town I grew up in had to BEG my parents to visit me. They always wanted me to visit them, but they showed no interest whatsoever in where I lived, even if it was somewhere they could drive. I lived in houses for years that they never even saw. I think that's weird. They were healthy at the time and had the means. But perhaps it's not as unusual as I thought.

I think one of the reasons I like C-D is that it gives me a chance to share personal experiences and opinions that very few people I know in life seem to care about.

[angieology]

Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now

One of my greatest frustrations I faced in my long trip across America as a newly retired person reconnecting with old friends and relatives was one simple thing that drove me crazy: Here it is:

FEW PEOPLE ASKED ABOUT ME!

I am interested in them. I wanted to know what they were up to, where they traveled, what they thought about current events and popular culture, what is happening in their family, etc. But to me conversation is a two way street. Ask me about me and I will gladly ask about you. Am I asking for too much?

In social settings do your friends and relatives ask about you?

Of course, I think it's normal for them to ask about me especially if we haven't seen each other in a long time. It's great to catch up and share each other's stories.

[sirron]

I've experienced the opposite of what the OP describes. Any time I run into someone I know, it's like an FBI interrogation. I'm talking a ten minute question-and-answer about everything I've been up to, which isn't much. Not too long ago, my hubby saw someone I used to work with, who had the nerve to ask if we were still together!

[angrymillionaire]

Originally Posted by jsun556

No, I actually dislike when people ask about me and what I've been up to. I work a lot and drink socially on the weekends and watch sports. What else is there to know?

I'm with you on this one! LOL

[I'm Retired Now]

I don't want someone like Sargent Joe Friday from Dragnet asking me questions, but some basic curiosity and interest in what I think about common issues would be nice.

Originally Posted by sirron

I've experienced the opposite of what the OP describes. Any time I run into someone I know, it's like an FBI interrogation. I'm talking a ten minute question-and-answer about everything I've been up to, which isn't much. Not too long ago, my hubby saw someone I used to work with, who had the nerve to ask if we were still together!

[Miss Hepburn]

Another perspective for you maybe. And I am semi retired, not 20.

I happen to be talkitive. I just tell people about events in my life, period.
I always have amazing stories...I keep 'em short. I have been told I am a
"colorful person".
Well, yeah, most people live kinda boring lives, I find.

I hate asking people how they are doing or what's new bec it's usually
troubled, sad, with unfortunate events.
No miracles, no spiritual insights and break throughs...just their mechanic that ripped them off.
Yawn.

Now, my 5 closest friends, that's different we tell each other every feeling and
encounter and relationship/ family issue we've had...that's natural with close friends to gab
and care about each other's growth and development.

I say if you have something you want to tell people, just tell 'em. ..esp if it's a fascinating
story about something you saw or learned. Most people got nothin'...give them
something new and interesting to hear.

If you wait for me to ask you...you will have a long wait...we all have mouths...I say, use 'em.
If someone isn't interested in what you have to share, then quit.

[rlrl]

i always find that "so whats going on with you" is like a burden on the shoulders and often i don't have anything "new" to share, it seems as if i want to have something to say i have to feign interest in something or "rehearse" something to "entertain" the person. then it feeds into my insecurities like do i have adequate hobbies, do i work too much, am i too much of a loner, etc it gets so overwhelming that i end up avoiding people

[cdnirene]

Originally Posted by rlrl

i always find that "so whats going on with you" is like a burden on the shoulders and often i don't have anything "new" to share, it seems as if i want to have something to say i have to feign interest in something or "rehearse" something to "entertain" the person. then it feeds into my insecurities like do i have adequate hobbies, do i work too much, am i too much of a loner, etc it gets so overwhelming that i end up avoiding people

Why not memorize a list of possible answers. For example, in answer say;

- Good! I've been enjoying the lovely weather.
- Working hard. I really am going to have slow down one of these days.
- I'm fine. Nothing new going on right now.

Then bounce the conversation back to them by asking, for example:

- What about you?
- You look good. Have you been working out?... or Nice haircut... or Snazzy outfit
- I've been meaning to ask you...

[AZDesertBrat]

Originally Posted by jsqueezer

So funny. I was just talking about this yesterday with a friend.

We were chatting along and I said "so, what's new?" She said nobody asks that any more and she was getting tired of listening to monologues and "organ recitals" from all the hypochondriacs.

My own mother has always needed to be in charge of conversations. I can talk to her on the phone for an hour without ever mentioning what's happening in my life. She doesn't ask and doesn't care; I don't volunteer. When I've tried, she just steers the conversation back to herself or her friends or her friends' children, or the neighbors or family members. I get detailed descriptions of her meals and what she's watched on TV.

Once, she and a cousin and I were having dinner and the cousin and I were talking about some subject (can't even remember what it was) and she scolded me for "always being so secretive". I nearly lost my meal, but managed to not laugh at her. She will never change, and she knows only the barest minimum about me.

Guess I am one of those spoiled only children you hear about.

Yikes! Do we have the same mother?? lol My mom is JUST like that. There have been times when I really want to tell her something, and I'll try. She'll listen for about five seconds and then say, "So anyway,......". End of that! I used to get mad at my dad for telling her to "be quiet" and it really bothered me. NOW I know why he did it! NObody can get a word in edgewise and she's really bad about telling total strangers things that they have no business knowing. She can talk to a stranger in the grocery store for an hour.

I have no friends anymore because I realized one day that all I am is a listening post for them. They couldn't care less what's going on with me, how I am, etc.. My life is so much better now and they have found others to listen to their tales of woe.