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Old 01-09-2010, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
399 posts, read 820,121 times
Reputation: 408

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Quote:
Originally Posted by zthatzmanz28 View Post
Has anyone thought to ask my LGBT friends how they feel around "straight" folks?
I'll preface by saying that I'm very much an introvert and have always been a lone wolf, more or less. I'm also at a point in my life where I pretty much know everyone I care to know. A potential friend is going to have to add something that would make my life better than it already is, not complicate it with their own issues.

I'm a gay man, and the vast majority of my friends have historically been other gay men. I'm more comfortable that way, as it's just one less issue I have to deal with from people. I've also never really had any female friends (straight or otherwise)...it seems like most of them think all gay guys want to go shopping with them or do their hair, which is annoying. I hate shopping, and couldn't care less what girls do with their hair.

About a year ago, I met this straight guy who had just moved to town with his girlfriend and was starting a group related to Eastern spirituality. He was also a graphic designer, which is an interest of mine. So I went to some group meetings, and he and I had lunch a few times, and me and my boyfriend even went to play frisbee golf with him and another friend of his. He's a nice guy, and generally open-minded, but there was clearly a bit of discomfort, especially around me and my boyfriend together, or when the conversation turned to the subject of me and my boyfriend. Not a lot of discomfort, but enough to be noticeable. Like he was never sure how to act or what to say.

While I honestly don't think he was homophobic, frankly it was enough to be annoying, and I eventually minimized contact with him. I'm not here to be anyone's "sensitivity training," or to help anyone be more comfortable around gay people or gay couples. Maybe other people don't mind doing that, but I'm not enough of a people person for it. I'd rather sit home by myself and read a good book.

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, and I'm also pretty close with several of his family members who live nearby. That's basically the extent of my social circle these days, and that's perfectly all right with me.

My gut feeling is that the majority of straight guys would be too uncomfortable around me for me to want to put up with being friends with them, and I've already covered what I think about the prospect of being friends with straight girls. It might be okay as long as they didn't harbor some fantasy of "turning me straight," didn't expect me to go shopping with them or be a constant source of amusement, and didn't have issues with the fact that I'm in a relationship.

That's another thing, by the way. I think a lot of straight people are technically okay with gay people (especially if they're entertaining in some way), but are uncomfortable with gay *couples.* That's a problem.

 
Old 01-09-2010, 02:31 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,073 posts, read 1,939,201 times
Reputation: 5003
1MintJulep, I'm sorry to hear you have experienced this in Austin. I live in Dallas and am straight. I have gay friends as well as straight friends, and I've actually never felt any difference between them...we are all humans, and when we allow different kinds of people into our lives, we find that we are all a lot more alike than we are different. And the straight guys I'm friends with are confident enough to have gay friends (couples and singles) and feel the same way I do.
I would hope that's the way most people are moving towards living their lives...the only way to avoid the "fear" and misgivings about people who are different than we are is to get to know them as individuals...
I actually grew up in southeast Texas where there was a lot of racial prejudice and even then, I just could not understand why that was -- I always knew within myself that people are people -- I know many people thought that I was just "dreaming" and was naive, but I have lived to see a lot of those prejudices broken down, even in that area.
I hope that you will find other people -- straight girls who don't expect you to play "girly" with them and straight people who don't get uncomfortable with you as a couple -- to get to know. I still believe there are a lot of people like that everywhere and especially in Austin...I hope I'm right.
 
Old 01-09-2010, 05:25 PM
 
981 posts, read 598,586 times
Reputation: 215
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1mintjulep View Post
I'll preface by saying that I'm very much an introvert and have always been a lone wolf, more or less. I'm also at a point in my life where I pretty much know everyone I care to know. A potential friend is going to have to add something that would make my life better than it already is, not complicate it with their own issues.

I'm a gay man, and the vast majority of my friends have historically been other gay men. I'm more comfortable that way, as it's just one less issue I have to deal with from people. I've also never really had any female friends (straight or otherwise)...it seems like most of them think all gay guys want to go shopping with them or do their hair, which is annoying. I hate shopping, and couldn't care less what girls do with their hair.

About a year ago, I met this straight guy who had just moved to town with his girlfriend and was starting a group related to Eastern spirituality. He was also a graphic designer, which is an interest of mine. So I went to some group meetings, and he and I had lunch a few times, and me and my boyfriend even went to play frisbee golf with him and another friend of his. He's a nice guy, and generally open-minded, but there was clearly a bit of discomfort, especially around me and my boyfriend together, or when the conversation turned to the subject of me and my boyfriend. Not a lot of discomfort, but enough to be noticeable. Like he was never sure how to act or what to say.

While I honestly don't think he was homophobic, frankly it was enough to be annoying, and I eventually minimized contact with him. I'm not here to be anyone's "sensitivity training," or to help anyone be more comfortable around gay people or gay couples. Maybe other people don't mind doing that, but I'm not enough of a people person for it. I'd rather sit home by myself and read a good book.

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, and I'm also pretty close with several of his family members who live nearby. That's basically the extent of my social circle these days, and that's perfectly all right with me.

My gut feeling is that the majority of straight guys would be too uncomfortable around me for me to want to put up with being friends with them, and I've already covered what I think about the prospect of being friends with straight girls. It might be okay as long as they didn't harbor some fantasy of "turning me straight," didn't expect me to go shopping with them or be a constant source of amusement, and didn't have issues with the fact that I'm in a relationship.

That's another thing, by the way. I think a lot of straight people are technically okay with gay people (especially if they're entertaining in some way), but are uncomfortable with gay *couples.* That's a problem.
THANK YOU. That's essentially the same way I feel. I started a thread on this very topic several weeks ago:

Gay Male and Straight Male Relationships?

You may not agree completely with my sentiments, but my experiences are very similar to yours, notwithstanding.
 
Old 01-09-2010, 06:13 PM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
32,033 posts, read 39,051,941 times
Reputation: 40416
Yes, both varieties. Some since elementary school (1960). Why?
 
Old 01-09-2010, 06:18 PM
 
3,284 posts, read 2,719,600 times
Reputation: 1832
A buddy of mine is a complete closet homo, but he knows that we know and that we don't care.
 
Old 01-09-2010, 10:07 PM
 
Location: The Mango Tree
2,115 posts, read 4,382,801 times
Reputation: 2626
One of my best friends is bisexual. We have sleepovers and share a bed all the time. No biggie. She's seen me completely naked more than once too.

It doesn't bother me at all because I know she would never make me uncomfortable or put me in an awkward situation. She's such a genuinely great person.
 
Old 01-09-2010, 10:16 PM
 
Location: NC
10,005 posts, read 8,706,045 times
Reputation: 3061
Several of my friends from college are openly gay, lesbian or bisexual. I really does not bother me in the least. They all know I am straight and sexuality was something we really did not talk about much. I have not seen many of them in a few months because we all scattered this previous summer following graduation, but I never felt the least bit uncomfortable around them.
 
Old 01-09-2010, 10:18 PM
 
720 posts, read 1,240,015 times
Reputation: 639
I have lots of friends that are gay. My older sister is gay. It doesn't bother me. It took some getting used to seeing my big sis with such a butch female, but meh, I got over it.
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