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It's amazing how much time I have to spend with people who I share absolutely no conversational chemistry. They are usually friends of my wife, relatives or people who are in various groups I participate in. I use every trick in the book to get the conversation in gear to make it interesting for everyone but both parties appear to be unsatisfied. I leave the event bored to tears and they give me the impression they feel the same. At least I try.
Is this common with you and how do you cope? (Don't tell me I don't have to attend, I do!)
Maybe its you. You may want to talk about things no one gives a damn about. If they are bored with your conversation you may not be invited much longer.
This happens to me a lot, exactly as you described.
So.....is it "me?" Or am I bored to tears with gossipy chit chat and half-baked current events analysis and 'woe is me' sagas?
Guess what...I'm bored. And I have to say that continuing to think (or be told) "it's me" can have some bad effects on my psyche, like feelings of 'am I a snob?' and 'am I judgmental?'
You know what?.....No I'm not.
There's a lot to talk about in this world, and there's nothing wrong with being bored at times when the conversation is continually stale and lame.
When I'm stuck in this respect, and it isn't polite to simply walk away, I try to draw the other person out. People will often talk at great length about themselves, their family members, or some issue that impacts them. Then I simply interject neutral comments from time to time. I don't even listen particularly well. But at least the other person isn't bored, because he or she is talking about his or her favorite subject.
We are in a new place now, and I have learned that no one cares one bit about me or my past life or very much at all about me. I can't help that. But I can listen, and being known as a good listener stands me in good stead.
Doing this doesn't keep me from being bored, but at least one of persons in the conversation is happy.
Maybe its you. You may want to talk about things no one gives a damn about. If they are bored with your conversation you may not be invited much longer.
The same can be said the other way? Why should he sacrifice amusement and be forced to listen to things he doesn't give a damn? Sometimes people aren't socially compatible. It's just how it is.
The same can be said the other way? Why should he sacrifice amusement and be forced to listen to things he doesn't give a damn? Sometimes people aren't socially compatible. It's just how it is.
If he isn't enjoying himself what is he sacrificing? If he wants to be in the group you put up with the conversation.
He sounds like he is trying to turn the conversation into something else. " get the conversation in gear to make it interesting for everyone but both parties appear unsatisfied."
I have been in groups where one person tries to change the conversation. In a group of friends and relatives they may not be looking to discuss a topic, only the usual small talk. What he finds boring may be fine with them.
It's amazing how much time I have to spend with people who I share absolutely no conversational chemistry. They are usually friends of my wife, relatives or people who are in various groups I participate in. I use every trick in the book to get the conversation in gear to make it interesting for everyone but both parties appear to be unsatisfied. I leave the event bored to tears and they give me the impression they feel the same. At least I try.
Is this common with you and how do you cope? (Don't tell me I don't have to attend, I do!)
The problem here is the sense of obligation to attend functions with your spouse. We've more or less come to an understanding that there are times, fairly frequently, where one of us is going to be bored, so we think enough of each other to allow the other one not to attend. It makes things so much easier and so much more enjoyable for both of us. Life is too short.
If both parties in this type of get together understand they come from a different background and have different personalities but TRY HARD TO MAKE THE THING WORK, I would enjoy the event. But in my experience most people who determine we have little chemistry or things in common will shut down and not try to make it work and the event turns out terrible.
Some people can only be acquintances not friends. If the conversation does not flow naturally, don't force it. It takes a lot of common interests to have a natural flow
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