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Old 08-23-2013, 07:51 AM
Location: Pittsburgh
22,461 posts, read 24,016,511 times
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Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Well it is the norm among the people I know. I am going to a modest wedding of one of my daughter's friends next month. Her parents are hosting the ceremony at their house with a reception at a restaurant. It is their gift to the bride and groom. And also, as is the tradition, the groom's family is hosting the dinner the night before.

And this is in West Virginia, not NYC or Dallas.
It's still mostly the case from the people I know, but people do make accommodations. It's interesting because my oldest sister has two boys, both in their 20s. One got married this May, then other will be getting married next May. My nephew who got married this year had a really modest wedding, they paid for most of it themselves and made their own invitations and decorations and flower arrangements. My sister threw the rehearsal dinner in a really decent bowling alley with good food and everyone had a lot of fun. My other nephew is marrying Daddy's little girl, so it's going to be a huge deal. There will be no DIY aspects, and the bride's family is paying for most of the rehearsal dinner because they want it in an upscale restaurant that my sister could never afford.
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Old 08-23-2013, 08:45 AM
Location: Bowie, MD
303 posts, read 508,629 times
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It really does have a lot to do with familial pressure.

I wanted a wedding with a maximum of 75 people in attendance. Maximum. We got flack on all sides about that because I was expected to invite everyone and their red-headed cousin to eat all my food and drink all my booze. All the mounting costs because "you don't want a tacky wedding."

I drew the line when I had to tell some cousins that I can't invite them because we don't have the money to support the extra guests, and was then asked, "Well, have you tried getting a loan??"


Counting down to Sept 21, when all these relatives will disperse into the aethers and I can go back to not receiving a single phone call or postcard from any of them.
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Old 08-23-2013, 10:59 AM
Location: South Park, San Diego
4,931 posts, read 7,555,914 times
Reputation: 9253
In addition to familial pressure certainly some cultures place a very high value on elaborate and large weddings.

We recently attended a lavish wedding of an Indian couple and I couldn't believe what was going on! We're talking live elephants, renting out a whole resort, massive complex of gorgeous decorated tents, I mean everything under the sun, it really was almost unbelievable. The wedding lasted four days of which we were "only" invited to the final ceremony (there were many ceremonies beforehand) hosted dinner and reception which also was a veritable feast for the eyes, ears and soul as well as stomach. The women's Saris where amazing, the food impeccable and the music and dancing went on all night. It was great fun- and I'm not much a wedding kind of guy- the bride and groom, families and guests were delightful so it is hard to criticize such a joy filled occasion for the joining of these families but you couldn't help to consider the mind boggling costs involved here.

We just got married in our garden with 25 or so close friends and family, our neighbor married us, we whipped up some stuff from Costco for food and had ourselves a pretty fun party, and we've been together for 27 years now. Not the same but certainly shows that there are more than a few ways to express this ceremony.
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Old 08-23-2013, 11:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
The OP is generalizing, which is the norm on these Boards.

Not all women give one hoot about expensive weddings. If I were a man, I would run from any female demanding an elaborate wedding. Talk about high maintenance...sheesh!
Tell me about it. I didn't want to have a wedding. My husband wanted one. We had a wedding. Of course, even spending the money that we did spend, I'm sure people thought we were cheap. For NYC standards, we didn't spend that much and that includes all of the "cheaper" things we did. Up until the week before, I said, "Why didn't we just elope?!?"

Originally Posted by MaseMan View Post
I'm not sure the old stereotype of "The bride's family pays for the wedding" actually happens anymore. I haven't known anyone where that's the case. I know my in-laws didn't pay for ours (they did help a bit, but my parents covered most of the costs of our rather modest wedding).
My husband and I paid for almost the entire wedding ourselves. My mom bought my dress (from David's Bridal) and some favors. That was the extent of our help.

Originally Posted by njclay2004 View Post
It really does have a lot to do with familial pressure.
I found this to be the biggest issue. I don't know how many times we heard reasons why we should spend more money. I heard the following:

"You'll get it back." (It being the money. So, we should spend thinking that we'll get all that money back in gifts. Right.)
"It's only one time. Stop being so cheap." (This is coming from cheap family members, no less.)
"Just hire someone to do it!" (This in regards to us wanting to decorate our space ourselves before the event.)

God forbid we didn't invite certain family members. Or didn't invite children. There would have been the biggest backlash and we would have never heard the end of it. (Of course, according to my MIL, we shouldn't even talk about our wedding because it was "embarrassing" aka "not super fancy or ridiculous like her Italian family would like.") I have to say that as much as I didn't want to have a wedding, it was definitely the most fun wedding I have ever been to. Non-stop fun, so many crazy things, etc.
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Old 08-23-2013, 11:20 AM
541 posts, read 1,814,052 times
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Originally Posted by KAILANI View Post
No one has mentioned Kim Kardashians lavish wedding to that one guy, whathisface!!
Or Sean Parkers $4 MILLION + wedding. Do you know how many people that money could have helped? I mean-their money I get it- but still!

We spent less than $1,000 on our wedding-dress, tux, flowers, food, photos, Chinese food after. We had it at local historic house. It was only our parents and sisters there. A lot of family and friends were annoyed and wanted to go to a big wedding, but we certainly could not afford one. We were 26. There is no way I think parents should pay for a child's wedding either (unless they are multi millionaires and want to.)
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Old 08-23-2013, 11:50 AM
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Yeah the multi-million dollar celeb ones are ridic, they'll be divorced in no time!
My MIL was telling me about her daughter's wedding, her sister's wedding, trying to get me to do mine like theirs. They were both divorced, so showing me videos of weddings that had since ended was not helping her case, to talk me into a bigger wedding ROFL.
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Old 08-23-2013, 12:55 PM
16,801 posts, read 14,449,165 times
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Originally Posted by KAILANI View Post
No one has mentioned Kim Kardashians lavish wedding to that one guy, whathisface!!

I don't like how bridezillas get all wrapped up in making damn sure their wedding is perfect. I never hear anything from the groom. Someone said it earlier, its like the groom doesn't exist..

We eloped! It was small, cheap and quick. Been married 18 years!

A lot of couples I know who had large weddings have been split up or have rocky relationships.
People who like to put on a show need these expensive weddings.. CRAZY..
Be honest. Are you talking about TV or real life? You know there is a vast difference, don't you?

I had a very nice wedding. We spent 10 months planning the details. In the end, it was a perfect day. Everyone had a great time and talked about it for years.

I have great memories of the day. My kids like watching the video and picking out all the people they know (looking much younger!)

I got divorced 20 years later. It boggles my mind that anyone would think my lovely wedding was in any way a waste of time and money.
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Old 08-23-2013, 02:39 PM
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Heh. I remember a friend saying she wanted her wedding day to be the happiest day of her life. I looked at her in some puzzlement and asked, "You mean you expect it to all go downhill from there?"

I can't really say what was the happiest day of my life. If I'd been aware at the time, I'd probably say the day I was born.
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Old 08-23-2013, 03:36 PM
1,006 posts, read 1,861,597 times
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Originally Posted by PA2UK View Post

People are entitled to spend their money however they want. As long as they don't go into serious debt over it, it's really no one else's business.

So which is it? They can spend their money however they want, or they can spend their money however they want as long as they don't go into serious debt? Why is the latter anyone business more than the former?
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Old 08-23-2013, 05:50 PM
3 posts, read 2,698 times
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If I had an extra 20 grand around there is no way I would spend it for one day. It is not logical. I can see maybe a nice trip to elope or a small get together but so much for a dress etc is ridiculous. Those who seem to make such a big deal or want to I see ending up getting a divorce as if it was all done for show or ego and maybe there is more to that.
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