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I also think that one can have a nice wedding without breaking the bank. Some people think a wedding is an excuse to splash, and the wedding industry is just licking their lips. The fashion industry really gets into it to with all the bridal fashion, and then there's the decorations.etc. How good a wedding is isn't so dependent on how fancy the venue is, how expensive the food and cake is, whether you arrive in a limo, it's about the people who share in it and about the person you're going to marry.
You can have a great wedding *and* a great marriage. Caring about one doesn't mean you can't care about the other.
I know! No one seems to get getting that.
And as a responsible parent, I am not going to give adult children cash. Presumably they will have careers, and a level of pride in earning and saving for what they want. No, I am going to throw them and their friends a nice party within my budget.
Yes, you can have a big flashy wedding & still have a great marriage, but what we are trying to point out is that it's not always necessary to have such a big event (for those of us who don't want that), nor is it necessary to spending $60k on it.
My mom talks about my wedding non-stop, & this weekend she said "I hate to say I can't wait for it to get here, because when it is here, the day will go so fast & it will be over before you know it." I tried to tell her that's actually what I'm looking forward to...for it to be over. She looked at me like I was nuts...but I told her, I am more excited about just being married...not all of the wedding stuff.
Later on I told my fiance what I said to my mother, and I got nervous for a second that I might have offended him, but he simply replied "The wedding is for our family, the rest of our lives is for us." Even with just 25 people, it's a bit too much for us...I would rather go back to the originaly guest list of 15.
Because almost all romantic stories and movies end with the wedding. Very few have the postscript of "Five Years Later" showing the couple doing housework, agonizing over the bills, or shuttling the kids to soccer games and birthday parties.
So the wedding is depicted as the finish line rather than as the starting gate.
So...what I am getting from this thread is that parents don't pay for their daughter's wedding anymore? That is sad.
I am glad I live in a world where this is still the norm! I can't wait for my daughter's wedding, it is going to be awesome. I will be thrilled to give her the gift of the most memorable day of her life.
My friends all paid for their daughters' weddings, except for the few where the wedding couples were very well established and made more money than their parents. Those couples paid for everything themselves.
Some weddings were small and some were large but not one of my friends took out loans or went into debt. If they couldn't afford something big they didn't plan for something big.
I never was the kind who liked to be the center of attention and we didn't have much money either.
Went off, got married, 43 years later I guess it wasn't such a bad idea.......But to each his own.
(Back when we got married $20,000 could buy a house...)
I'll keep this short and sweet...
....Because many women find planning a wedding fun and exciting (whether big or small, elaborate or simple, it's an event to look forward to). Many men too, my husband loved the cake tasting etc, we just thought it was novel experience. And many women love love dressing and primping for that one day.
....Alas, it is also true that a good wedding does not a good marriage make....yes, many people would benefit from putting in more time getting to know each other.
Also, a note about payment: My husband and I budgeted our wedding to pay for ourselves, but half way through the planning my parents surprised us with a sum that covered almost everything except for the photographer and photo package. It was very sweet.
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.....But to each his own.
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