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Old 08-22-2013, 09:54 AM
 
317 posts, read 527,469 times
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I certainly agree that a wedding day is supposed to be special for the bride but whenever I watch those wedding shows on TLC, I'm sometimes just baffled .

I have a hard time understanding these women who put so much emphasis on having the "perfect wedding day" -which is not necessarily a bad thing; but when it gets to the point that you have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars, and being all stressed out because you need it to be perfect, then I think it becomes something else.

I'm not even married yet but I don't think I want to put too much focus on something that's only going to last a day, (and that could potentially get me in debt and/or broke). I'm thinking I'll probably be more excited to get married to this special men, rather than worrying about having the perfect - and very expensive- wedding!

Thoughts?
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Old 08-22-2013, 10:40 AM
 
1,478 posts, read 1,891,051 times
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Ugh I never got it either. I didn't want a wedding at all but all of our family wanted us too, and DH gave in because his mother pressured him. He laughed about it and broke the news to me that our elopement was off and we should plan a wedding. Oh, I wasn't happy but I couldn't let my family down either, so I went for it. We had a very simple, short, cheap wedding. MIL smirked that our ceremony was "only" 11 minutes long. I said yeah that was 10 minutes too long ROFL. I spent $11 on my shoes ha ha. I would literally get sick if I had to spend thousands on one day, too. I think its ridiculous, but to each their own I guess. I do think its a waste, esp if you have to go into debt for it. They really lavish the attention, some of them so much it's like they don't even notice there is a GROOM!

I just wanted to be married, to start our life.
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Old 08-22-2013, 10:44 AM
 
2,350 posts, read 4,455,055 times
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Ouch. Expensive weddings.

Let's say a wedding costs $20K

You could fund two years worth of Roth IRAs
You could put down a good chunk of house down payment
You could buy a car
You could remodel a couple rooms...

OR, You could have a FOUR HOUR PARTY.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:04 AM
 
1,478 posts, read 1,891,051 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plmokn View Post
Ouch. Expensive weddings.

Let's say a wedding costs $20K

You could fund two years worth of Roth IRAs
You could put down a good chunk of house down payment
You could buy a car
You could remodel a couple rooms...

OR, You could have a FOUR HOUR PARTY.
Ha ha, no kidding. We didn't even have that much anyway, but any extra we had we just kept in savings, used for a car purchase, furniture and appliances for the new house, our rings, and a honeymoon. At least spread it around a little!
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,565 posts, read 33,287,625 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamboyante View Post
I certainly agree that a wedding day is supposed to be special for the bride but whenever I watch those wedding shows on TLC, I'm sometimes just baffled .

I have a hard time understanding these women who put so much emphasis on having the "perfect wedding day" -which is not necessarily a bad thing; but when it gets to the point that you have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars, and being all stressed out because you need it to be perfect, then I think it becomes something else.

I'm not even married yet but I don't think I want to put too much focus on something that's only going to last a day, (and that could potentially get me in debt and/or broke). I'm thinking I'll probably be more excited to get married to this special men, rather than worrying about having the perfect - and very expensive- wedding!

Thoughts?
Attribute it to the conditioning of girls from childhood for big romantic weddings and a bajillion dollar wedding industry.

I would never marry a girl who wanted a big wedding.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:19 AM
 
3,139 posts, read 2,166,043 times
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I agree that a lot of it is conditioning from childhood...

What little girl wasn't given a Barbie doll and a Ken doll, and encouraged to have them marry and play house?

(There are of course, exceptions to this, but it is an accurate generalization across the board, esp in America).

This, added to romantic comedies, romance novels, tv, and our overall culture's focus on "the BIG day" make it an inevitable, cumulative influence on our collective psyche.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,814 posts, read 13,576,496 times
Reputation: 11414
Quote:
Originally Posted by plmokn View Post
Ouch. Expensive weddings.

Let's say a wedding costs $20K

You could fund two years worth of Roth IRAs
You could put down a good chunk of house down payment
You could buy a car
You could remodel a couple rooms...

OR, You could have a FOUR HOUR PARTY.
You could say the same thing about any unnecessary spending though. Why buy a brand new BMW when you could buy a one year old Ford and put the rest towards something more practical? Why remodel those couple rooms when you could put the money towards your retirement or your kid's college fund?

People are entitled to spend their money however they want. As long as they don't go into serious debt over it, it's really no one else's business.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:24 AM
 
Location: PA
2,086 posts, read 1,834,904 times
Reputation: 5380
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamboyante View Post
I certainly agree that a wedding day is supposed to be special for the bride but whenever I watch those wedding shows on TLC, I'm sometimes just baffled .

I have a hard time understanding these women who put so much emphasis on having the "perfect wedding day" -which is not necessarily a bad thing; but when it gets to the point that you have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars, and being all stressed out because you need it to be perfect, then I think it becomes something else.

I'm not even married yet but I don't think I want to put too much focus on something that's only going to last a day, (and that could potentially get me in debt and/or broke). I'm thinking I'll probably be more excited to get married to this special men, rather than worrying about having the perfect - and very expensive- wedding!

Thoughts?
Well...

Part of it, I think, has to do with the fairy tales and societal expectations that have been crammed down our throats since we were little girls. The girl gets her "Prince Charming", and then there's some nebulous "happily ever after" on which no one elaborates and that is comparatively unglamorous compared to the "special day". No one wants to hear a fairy tale about the first time Snow White washed the skid marks out of the Prince's drawers, or how they are short on money because the transmission went, or who tracked mud into the kitchen, or any myriad realities of every day life. You don't see Cinderella clipping coupons or moonlighting at some diner to bring extra income into the house. Or Sleeping Beauty getting dutch-ovened because her Handsome Prince thinks it's funny. Honestly, who would read that?

Another part of it, I think, because of the prevalence of social media, marketing, and wedding reality shows, is the element of competition. People see these elaborate weddings, glamorous venues, and fancy dresses, and are conditioned that that's what they should aspire to. It's about outward appearances. You can't show off a healthy retirement portfolio or a new hot water heater. Well, I suppose you could, but not likely.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:25 AM
 
2,350 posts, read 4,455,055 times
Reputation: 2966
Quote:
Originally Posted by PA2UK View Post
You could say the same thing about any unnecessary spending though. Why buy a brand new BMW when you could buy a one year old Ford and put the rest towards something more practical? Why remodel those couple rooms when you could put the money towards your retirement or your kid's college fund?

People are entitled to spend their money however they want. As long as they don't go into serious debt over it, it's really no one else's business.
I do write the same thing.

And, I like when other people spend money. It's good for my economy.

The more you spend, the richer I get.
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Windham County, VT
10,619 posts, read 4,920,822 times
Reputation: 20788
I can't speak for people other than myself, and perhaps I'm in the minority.

My "wedding" consisted of walking with my fiance down to the town office,
paying the JP, signing the certificate & paying the filing fee, then walking back home.

I'm a "no-frills" type of chick, I cannot stand "pomp-and-circumstance",
big celebrations just are not at all my speed/style.

So I paid little to no attention to the wedding, such as it was,
all my attention was reserved for the relationship both before & after the official marriage.

Am divorced now, but I have zero regret about how we conducted our wedding:
no party, no guests, no photos, no announcement in the newspaper.
For me, the romance is in the relationship itself, not confined to a single "big day" show/performance.
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