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View Poll Results: If a past tormentor of you was terminally sick, how would you feel?
I would feel vindicated and not sorry for them at all 22 18.03%
A part of me would feel satisfied, another part would feel pity 17 13.93%
I'd feel nothing, I wouldn't care 52 42.62%
I would feel sorry for them and would tell them I forgive them and make peace 31 25.41%
Voters: 122. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 08-23-2013, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,403 posts, read 12,148,879 times
Reputation: 16628

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn View Post
How would I feel is so different than what would I think.
Feel?
That, wow everything I have learned since the 70s seems to be true...one
being anger and cancer really do go together....pent up anger or expressed over
and over ...the nicest people who have cancer...have some deep anger in them A LOT!
So I would "feel" a confirmation in my gut.
May I add to this...the reason people have so much anger...is bec they have been so
very very hurt....thus, are so wounded and have not been able to get it out of their systems....either through
punching that molesting uncle in the nose or thru the gift of forgiveness.
Whatever.

My sister's cancer and obesity is from this very thing...and she will not go to
therapy over her sexual abuse at the hands of our Grandfather...whether Primal Scream or
EMDR or EFT or whatever.
I know SWEET people with so much injustice done to them...they all seem to get cancer...it
eats away
at their insides.
Whether kept in or being mean to others...same thing it's still so real.

The bully is one damaged, hurting person.
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Old 08-23-2013, 08:35 AM
 
5,190 posts, read 4,054,511 times
Reputation: 13169
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
While I pity anyone who has a terminal cancer, I'd chalk my bullies' ailment up to the universe catching up with them. You cannot be that purposely cruel for years and have the capacity to know you are doing wrong which normal HS students have without consequences.

I totally agree with this. When a tormentor of mine got cancer, I wasn't happy, but I wasn't sad either. I just did not care one way or the other.

And to the other poster, yes we should hold children responsible if they bully someone. This attitude of, "oh, they are just kids" is definately not helping.
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Old 08-23-2013, 09:48 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,188,205 times
Reputation: 4297
Quote:
Originally Posted by lizzyst View Post
When I was a newly-married woman, my husband had a friend who consistently put me and others down; in fact, was unbelievably rude and abusive to his own parents and his then-wife. Never could understand why my husband considered him a good friend because "Tom" openly took advantage of my husband all the time at the same time he mocked him and made fun of him.

About a year ago, my daughter sent me Tom's obituary and apparently he had died of cancer. The obit described he had joined a church that he was active in and was evidently well thought of in his community and career. All I could say was something to the effect that it appeared he had gotten his life together, learned to appreciate people, was a positive and happy person. At the same time, I had a little feeling of "maybe he got what he deserved," and I'm not proud of feeling/thinking that, but it's the truth.
He wasn't in my department, but we did have dealings with a real b*stard about a decade ago. Abusive, dismissive; part of his job duty was to be oncall for off-hours issues. If a problem arose when he was oncall, we'd call our supervisor and have him call the b*stard. We worker bees had gotten tired of being screamed and cussed at just because we had to call him at a late hour. I guess management was afraid of him; there were a number of complaints about him but he was never given repercussions for his bad behavior.

B*stard disappeared for a couple of months, to our intense relief. We thought he had been fired but were told that he was in the hospital for cancer treatment. Did we have a happy dance? Welllll, not openly


most of us did think that his corrosive, evil attitude was a major cause of his illness. Anyone that full of poison, it was bound to affect him physically.

After he came back from cancer treatment, we expected him to be worse. He'd had the full-blown chemotherapy, vomit your guts, lose your hair, spectrum of treatment. To our immense shock, he was nice. I mean rilly-rilly nice. Pleasant demeanor, talked nice on the phone, was effusive with compliments for the advance problem-solving tactics we took before bringing him in .... Our supervisor was surprised when he asked if B*stard was still making our lives hell and most of us stated that we hated the guy even more. Sure, it was nice to not be screamed at or have curse words hurled at you, but the fact that the guy was now nice just showed that he had the capacity for decent behavior but chose to act like a b*stard. He would have still been the same abusive *sshole had he not gotten such a life scare. I remarked "guess B*stard found himself on the doorstep to Hell and got the sh*t scared out of him." My thoughts were that if he truly atoned for his previous behavior, he would acknowledge it and repent. Instead, he merely changed his spots and thought that would get him to heaven.

It was a relief that the abusive behavior had stopped, but if the guy expected everyone to buddy up to him and want to be friends, he got a big surprise.
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Old 08-23-2013, 10:07 AM
 
1,961 posts, read 3,761,118 times
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I would feel the same way I would about anyone who is not close to me. I would think it would be a difficult thing for his friends and loved ones to go through, but not something that I would be happy about.

Even if someone had been cruel to, me, I would never wish for or be happy that bad things happen to them.
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Old 08-23-2013, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
50 posts, read 51,952 times
Reputation: 184
What I wouldn't do is forgive them or make peace. No human can outrun the cosmic bullies who we know as Mother Nature and Father Time, but I would probably consider that one or both of them had focused their attention on that person first, for a reason.
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Old 08-23-2013, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,403 posts, read 12,148,879 times
Reputation: 16628
Those b*stard people don't "exactly" choose to be nasty.
Yes, their true selves , the pure spirit, innocent child is in there...but they have been
so victimized, hurt, neglected , swatted in their play pens...I mean, come on....
They are stuck, unable to crawl out of their dark pit...all they know is to protect themselves
as the immature, emotionally stunted personalities that they have become.

They are as stuck developmentally as the 1st grader pushing another down in the sand box.

That is why the "Universe" zaps people like this to wake them up...ok, imo....but, it is true.

We either cannot take these people's comments personally or stand up to them and say,

"Hey, Bob, you've obviously got a huge chip on your shoulder and you're takng out the raw
deal you obviously got as a kid on all of US...but it ain't gonna fly...knock it off...your pain
is like a Neon sign to everyone...figure out another way to interact with your coworkers and take it out
on the people who did this to you."


The person that takes these people seriously needs to step back and see
the whole damaged picture here. Be more of an observer than a pin cushion...then be
the teacher and help them snap out of their hurtful behavior.
I won't happen the next day...but the light has been turned on in their heads, you've got
them thinking.
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Old 08-23-2013, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,119 posts, read 7,571,803 times
Reputation: 6218
Had one of these types at work, verbally abusive to most everyone, always a downer type complained about everyone and everything. He ignored me for several years, as I wouldn't take is verbal jabs to well.
He got cancer missed several months of work, came back for a week or so and was as nice as pie, he left again and passed away a few months later.
No one went to his funeral. He's not missed and rarley spoken off.
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Old 08-23-2013, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Melbourne, Australia
9,781 posts, read 16,256,138 times
Reputation: 2833
This reminds me of an episode of Degrassi Junior High, where a bully gets AIDs. Unless the bullying was really bad, it'd be nice to think you could get over it and have compassion for them as a human being. Some people do change, and some people who bully were bullied too (not that it's an excuse at all, of course, but they did go through pain).
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Old 08-23-2013, 11:02 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,166 posts, read 20,489,510 times
Reputation: 26443
I don't remember the bullies at my high school well enough to feel vindicated if they got cancer...time heals most things, and my emotional scars from high school are pretty much gone.

I did work for a horrible man before who ended up having cancer, and I was not glad for his suffering, but I did feel that it was karma. He used to call me up and scream at me that I was a dumb c--- if I charged someone less than he felt something should be charged, but he refused to buy a scale for the store so that we could tell what something weighed. He would accuse us of taking toilet paper home or make nasty remarks about our periods when we asked him to buy toilet paper for the store. When I had to have an emergency c-section, he called me in the hospital and fired me for not letting him know I was going to have an emergency, and then told me he was keeping my last paycheck unless I returned his key within an hour. I was so upset that my doctor called and told him what he was asking wasn't possible, and he cussed out the doctor. He ended up with colon cancer, which was oddly appropriate.
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Old 08-23-2013, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,114 posts, read 54,613,656 times
Reputation: 66508
I wouldn't be happy if anyone I knew got cancer.

However, there was a mean guy who never missed a chance to make fun of me in high school. Called me names, pointed out my flaws, the whole works, anything to get others to laugh at me. Just plain mean. I dreaded walking down the hall and seeing this person. He once pronounced me the ugliest girl in our grade.

Anyway, I grew up, left, didn't think of this moron for years and years...and then five years ago, I heard he'd died of a heart attack at the age of 50. I couldn't even imagine him at 50--I just remembered that mean kid and his relentless mockery, and I was glad to hear he was dead. I felt a little bad that this was my initial reaction--as if I'd never grown up.

He left neither a wife/S.O. or children. Only his siblings were mentioned in the obituary. I wonder if he just stayed mean.
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