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View Poll Results: If a past tormentor of you was terminally sick, how would you feel?
I would feel vindicated and not sorry for them at all 22 18.03%
A part of me would feel satisfied, another part would feel pity 17 13.93%
I'd feel nothing, I wouldn't care 52 42.62%
I would feel sorry for them and would tell them I forgive them and make peace 31 25.41%
Voters: 122. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 09-15-2013, 11:33 PM
 
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I wouldn't care
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Old 09-15-2013, 11:41 PM
 
Location: where people are either too stupid to leave or too stuck to move
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
It guess I would feel vindicated,but it usually doesn't work that way.

What happens? The bully ends up having a nice life,while the bullied ends up struggling thoughout life.

I mean,maybe others see it different,but that's what usally happens from what I see,not the other way around.
Truth!
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Old 09-16-2013, 12:03 AM
 
1,765 posts, read 2,446,553 times
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Someone who made me feel inferior In my youth is dying of cancer. But I don't feel good or bad. I'm neutral and emotionally detached.

He's a family member and while others are doting and concerned about him my heart can't seem to feel what they feel. And I guess what gets to me the most is that I don't even feel guilty about not sharing In Their feelings.
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Old 09-16-2013, 08:08 AM
 
5,823 posts, read 10,159,161 times
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I sure would feel pity for him - if only because cooked up resentment is self destructive-but, sorry, I wouldn't get out of my way to comfort that individual. I'll leave that to the people (friends or family) he didn't bully.
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Old 09-17-2013, 12:41 PM
 
2,415 posts, read 2,428,049 times
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Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn View Post
May I add to this...the reason people have so much anger...is bec they have been so very very hurt....thus, are so wounded and have not been able to get it out of their systems....either through punching that molesting uncle in the nose or thru the gift of forgiveness.
Whatever.

My sister's cancer and obesity is from this very thing...and she will not go to therapy over her sexual abuse at the hands of our Grandfather...whether Primal Scream or EMDR or EFT or whatever. I know SWEET people with so much injustice done to them...they all seem to get cancer...it eats away at their insides. Whether kept in or being mean to others...same thing it's still so real.

The bully is one damaged, hurting person.


As to your statements as have been quoted above and boldfaced by myself:

It is likely not intellectually sound to make a blanket statement(s) such as these (i.e., saying, in effect, that "all bullies are people who have been deeply hurt or abused in their earlier years and are just acting out that hurt"). You do not know these things to be true for all or even many bully-types. It is or may be true for some but not for others. Some bullies are just what has been called "bad seeds" . . . that is, seemingly born with or else having developed a defective or unemphathetic character through their growing stages (or their capacity for empathy may not extend to all persons but maybe just to some persons or only in some circumstances). I know firsthand about various mean, bully-type people who do not have a history of abuse by others (such as in my own family tree and even my own family) but yet who, even so, feel it is their place and their right to treat others (or at least certain others) in an undignifying, dehumanizing, condescending, mean-spirited or even abusive way and I can say assuredly that they have not come from a history of molestation or abuse.

If I had to try to psychoanalyze such persons (as I have described above) that have not otherwise come from a history of molestation or abuse as you described but still choose to take the lifelong path of being bully-types (like a Freudian psychoanalyst would psychoanalyze them), I'd say that such described persons feel that, to make themselves feel good or feel better about themselves and to continually maintain this heightened sense of self, they feel a need to always make themselves look or feel good at other people's expense: e.g., always trying to assert their superiority or their rightness (i.e., that they are always "in the right" and you are always "in the wrong") or always trying to convey that they are more "successful" than you (whether socially or relationally or popularity-wise or financially or career-wise or however else) or always talking down to you, and/or other undignifying and dehumanizing behaviors on their part. A Freudian psychologist (not that I subscribe wholesale to Freudian psychology but it does have some useful models and analogies) would say that such described persons are practicing the defense mechanism which Freud called "projection": meaning that they, for whatever reason(s), feel a basic or foundational insecurity about themselves and, as a result, try to deal with this underlying sense of insecurity or inadequacy by projecting that insecurity away from themselves and onto others . . . such as by trying to continually reduce others in order to build themselves up.

To whatever degree that I myself have been abused and mistreated in life, it makes me MORE emphathetic to others at-large or to at least care about treating all others with dignity to the best of my ability (although none of us are perfect and we can't always be perfectly kind and accommodating to all people in all circumstances whom we encounter in life-at-large). Yet there are others whom, as you described in your posting, who deal with whatever events of abuse or mistreatment they've had in life by lashing out and being social misanthropes or miscreants. It is rather interesting to me to note the different coping strategies different people take or how their adverse experiences in life affect them. If I myself were molested or raped as a child multiple times, then why would I then go around and molest or rape others myself? If I did that, then how can I justify my own anger and resentment or hurt and my desire for justice while, at the same time, I am perpetuating such misdeeds against others? Then, by my own choice of actions, I have no right at all to be resentful at others for abusing me if I perpetuate the same misdeeds against others (i.e., by my OWN choices of actions, I am justifying what others have done to me and saying, in essence, that what others have done to me is acceptable and ok). And yet some people, as you have described in your posting, have been bullied or abused in their earlier life AND YET they themselveschoose to be bullies or abusive themselves. Go figure! How do they justify this to themselves (unless their experiences have psychologically or psychiatrically so damaged them that they are warped or confused and can't see the logic or sense of always aiming to treat others in the same way that they would want to be treated (and conversely, to not treat others in ways that they themselves would not want to be treated)?

Last edited by UsAll; 09-17-2013 at 01:35 PM..
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Old 09-17-2013, 12:53 PM
 
26,357 posts, read 24,528,919 times
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I chose the last, for forgiveness is freedom....complete freedom.

You don't have to do anything, but pray for the person and perhaps say, You forgive this person, and move on....
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Old 09-17-2013, 02:37 PM
 
1,186 posts, read 1,078,037 times
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So some of you think someone got cancer because they were mean to you in junior high? That's a new one, that cancer is a punishment for bad behavior. Who doles out this "karma" again?
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Old 09-17-2013, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Utica, NY
1,912 posts, read 2,547,564 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeCollege View Post
So some of you think someone got cancer because they were mean to you in junior high? That's a new one, that cancer is a punishment for bad behavior. Who doles out this "karma" again?
It goes way above being mean. Severe bullying is no joke. People have killed themselves because of it. I have no empathy for tormentors.
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Old 09-17-2013, 03:56 PM
 
Location: On The Road Full Time RVing
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.
I would pray for them ... even if they did not have cancer.
And I have done than more than once, for more than one bully ! ! !

.
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Old 09-17-2013, 04:15 PM
 
8,018 posts, read 6,606,154 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeCollege View Post
So some of you think someone got cancer because they were mean to you in junior high? That's a new one, that cancer is a punishment for bad behavior. Who doles out this "karma" again?
Most of us have commented saying we would be indifferent. It seems that some of you don't know what indifference means.
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