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Old 08-23-2013, 08:11 PM
Location: Texas
1,029 posts, read 1,212,279 times
Reputation: 1985


The relationship should be the choice of your mother and your grandparents - whatever all of them are comfortable with.

When my parents divorced (after 21 years of marriage), my mother and my paternal grandmother remained great friends. My dad remarried twice and really didn't like his mother having a relationship with my mom, but my grandmother said she'd get along with his wives but my mother would always hold a special spot in her life. It's now 18 years later - my father is deceased, and my grandmother spends holidays with my mother and sister. My mom visits her frequently. They are family by choice.

They were my example. When I divorced, after 10 years of marriage and 13 years of knowing my inlaws, my xmil made me promise that I would still be a part of her life. She is my children's grandmother, and she is part of my family. She's come to stay with us for Easter, we exchange gifts at holidays and birthdays, and we talk on the phone a few times a month. xH and I are both remarried, and I warned my new H that my xMIL would be a part of my life and that if we ever split up I was keeping his mom too

On the flip side, when my former inlaws divorced, my xMil lost all touch with her inlaws (their choice). My dad didn't want contact with his inlaws, my xH immediately defriended my sister and mother on FB but is civil to them when we are together for a kid activity, and my new H doesn't speak with his former inlaws at all either unless he has to.

Good luck to your parents as they rebuild their lives, and good luck to you too - divorce is hard on everyone.
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Old 08-23-2013, 08:48 PM
13,138 posts, read 20,706,093 times
Reputation: 35314
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
The bolded: so what? It's not like he owns them and rules their relationships with other people. And no, you don't get that one person should not be able to dictate whether or not it continues.

They don't have to get anything out of the relationship, that's not the point. If sonny doesn't like it, too bad, his loss. He's a big boy, he'll deal with it. It's not his to dictate. Why should his parents be cut off from the op? That would be stupid. Aside from the fact that they have their own relationship, there's also the relationship with the mother of their grandchildren, particularly if the kids are small.

Now, wouldn't it be nice for the gk's that all the adults get along nicely?
There is fantasy land, and real life. In fantasy land, all the adults can ignore the break up, and not choose sides. In real life, blood is thicker than water.

Switch the scenario around. You divorce your husband, with acrimonious results. Your husband wants to continue joining your parents for holiday dinners, etc. Would YOU be happy about the open door?

I gather by the info in the OP that the grandkid (s) are not very young, and are capable of having their own relationship with their grandparents, since the parents were married 32 years. If that were not the case, then the parents absolutely should try to keep the relationship ties for the sake of the kids.

And, it would be wonderful if that is still the case. But, if the husband doesn't want it, then the wife would be putting her in laws into the middle, which isn't fair to them either. For the sake of the in laws, more so than the feelings of the ex-husband, the wife should be the one to back off. Remain cordial, yes, maintain contact, why not? But, as a physical presence in their lives? Only if the in laws want it to be so.

To be honest, the OP hasn't given any indication of the father's feelings. Hopefully for the sake of all involved, he doesn't have a problem with it.

As far as the jewelry is concerned, it would be nice if the mother gave the in laws the option of having it returned. Judging by her previous relationship with them, I would expect they would want her to keep it.
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Old 08-25-2013, 01:06 AM
Location: So Cal
40,213 posts, read 39,753,372 times
Reputation: 41674
I think that keeping in contact is fine... many people do this... I've heard stories of people keeping in contact long after divorces and even when new spouses come into play..... being friendly is being friendly......
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Old 09-02-2013, 07:05 AM
208 posts, read 187,195 times
Reputation: 152
After all those years, it's only normal she keeps in contact. I couldn't imagine she would be pushed aside after so man years.
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