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Old 08-23-2013, 04:08 PM
 
128 posts, read 157,054 times
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My parents are going through divorce after 32 years of marriage. My mother has always got along very well with my paternal grandparents and they absolutely love her.

My mother is unsure if she should keep a close contact with them and if she should give back all the jewellery my grandmother gave her. My grandmother only had sons, therefore she has given plenty of jewels to her daughters-in-law. My mother is by far her favourite.

My grandfather said she will always be welcomed at their house.

Would you keep in contact or cut off all ties?
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Old 08-23-2013, 04:23 PM
 
Location: California
130 posts, read 128,423 times
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Keep in contact. I still keep in contact with my ex's family. I am the mother of their grandchildren, we are still family in that sense.

However, they live across the country and we keep in contact by phone. We talk about my son, basic things going on in our lives (not intimate details). I have remarried and my ex is engaged, and I would not purposely interfere with their relationship with their future daughter in law.

Edited to add: about the jewelry, I'd talk to the grandmother and discuss passing it along to your/ your siblings future children if I were your mother.
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Old 08-23-2013, 04:34 PM
 
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I'm not sure about keeping in contact but I'd say after their son gave you grief after a good 32 years, keep the jewellery! That being said, depending how much the jewellery is worth, might as well keep contact

Ps:: Wanted to add sarcastic smilies etc but could not find them
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Old 08-23-2013, 04:35 PM
 
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After that many years? I would hope your mother has her own relationship with her inlaws, and could keep it. The fact is, though, that your father has dibs, and if he doesn't approve, she should back off.
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Old 08-23-2013, 04:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
After that many years? I would hope your mother has her own relationship with her inlaws, and could keep it. The fact is, though, that your father has dibs, and if he doesn't approve, she should back off.
The bolded, no. The in-laws and the op's mom can have their own relationship. Dad doesn't get to dictate whether or not it's allowed.
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Old 08-23-2013, 05:02 PM
 
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I would keep in casual contact. After that many decades she has her own relationship with her in-laws.
That means maybe she would see them at times when your father wasn't going to be there. Expecting a big family get together at Thanksgiving is too much to expect.

But certainly she can call or email now and then to say hello or maybe meet somewhere neutral for lunch. She and your grandparents do the various children / grandchildren in common. For their sake, it's not wrong to maintain a relationship.

As for the jewelry, I would have your mom ask your grandmother if she could pass it down to female grandchildren ( do you have any sisters ? ), Or perhaps if you married, to your daughters if you had any. Another possibility would be for your mom to leave it to any of the female cousins you might have on your dad's side of the family. In others words, it was given to your mom a a gift and she gets to wear and use it during her lifetime, but goes back in some way to your father's line of the family when she passes.
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Old 08-23-2013, 05:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
The bolded, no. The in-laws and the op's mom can have their own relationship. Dad doesn't get to dictate whether or not it's allowed.
And, what would the inlaws and the mother get out of the relationship if the father is opposed to it? I get that one person should not be able to dictate whether or not it continues, but, realistically? It's HIS parents.
Let it go, unless he can live with it.
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Old 08-23-2013, 05:43 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
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I would keep the jewelry obviously they wanted you to have it . I would keep casual contact with them . I would not go outta my way to visit them .You are very lucky to have such a relationship because my in laws went when he did and they said they absoloutly adored me but considering that their son was no longer my husband they felt they could no longer keep up a relationship and they wished me well . They were lovely people they passed about 10 yrs ago . I do miss them dearly .
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Old 08-23-2013, 05:58 PM
 
6,475 posts, read 9,895,846 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
And, what would the inlaws and the mother get out of the relationship if the father is opposed to it? I get that one person should not be able to dictate whether or not it continues, but, realistically? It's HIS parents.
Let it go, unless he can live with it.
The bolded: so what? It's not like he owns them and rules their relationships with other people. And no, you don't get that one person should not be able to dictate whether or not it continues.

They don't have to get anything out of the relationship, that's not the point. If sonny doesn't like it, too bad, his loss. He's a big boy, he'll deal with it. It's not his to dictate. Why should his parents be cut off from the op? That would be stupid. Aside from the fact that they have their own relationship, there's also the relationship with the mother of their grandchildren, particularly if the kids are small.

Now, wouldn't it be nice for the gk's that all the adults get along nicely?
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Old 08-23-2013, 06:22 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,754 posts, read 41,458,983 times
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One side of my family was a crazy mix of step-, half- and in-laws, and they all got along amazingly well over the years. At holidays exes were still part of the family and always welcome at the grandparents' house. Growing up, I never even understood the nature of all the connections, but once I became an adult, I was astounded that the holidays were so nice.

I hate that the jewelry has become a consideration. I guess these are heirlooms, or gifts bought new?

I like the idea of just discussing it with grandma and planning to save it to pass on. I'm sure grandma probably doesn't want to mess with it anyway. Besides, the way they are welcoming the soon-to-be ex, it doesn't sound like she would suddenly draw the line at jewelry.
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