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So I've got this friend at work. We don't work in the same department, but for the same company. I've tried many times to hang out with her but it seems each time we try to, either her dad or her aunt, whom she lives with, will tell her its not prudent for us to hang out together. I've got zero interest in dating her or even remotely being romantic with her. I enjoy her company and can be myself in her presence. I've been looking for a workout buddy or just someone interested in going on the occasional morning hikes. She has shown interest with hiking as well and we talk about going to the gym together. She just turned 27 years old and allows her aunt to pretty much control her every action, I.e. ; what time to go to bed, whom she can/can't hang out with, give reasonable explanations as to being late coming home from work, etc...
The most recent thing that has gotten on my nerves was that we had made plans to go hiking the other day. For some reason, she had to "run it by" her aunt and father and they both forbade her to go. So, I went hiking by myself. I've brought it up to her that she is an able-bodied adult that is completely capable of making her own decisions and that she doesn't need to ask her aunt or father permission to go places. She is always complaining about how her aunt is so controlling and doesn't allow her to do things she should be able to do.
Early last year I helped her and her aunt move (it was the first time I have met her aunt) and her aunt liked me a lot. Ive been friends with this person for nearly two years now, and I am thinking of calling it quits with her. What would you do? Keep the friendship or move on?
So I've got this friend at work. We don't work in the same department, but for the same company. I've tried many times to hang out with her but it seems each time we try to, either her dad or her aunt, whom she lives with, will tell her its not prudent for us to hang out together. I've got zero interest in dating her or even remotely being romantic with her. I enjoy her company and can be myself in her presence. I've been looking for a workout buddy or just someone interested in going on the occasional morning hikes. She has shown interest with hiking as well and we talk about going to the gym together. She just turned 27 years old and allows her aunt to pretty much control her every action, I.e. ; what time to go to bed, whom she can/can't hang out with, give reasonable explanations as to being late coming home from work, etc...
The most recent thing that has gotten on my nerves was that we had made plans to go hiking the other day. For some reason, she had to "run it by" her aunt and father and they both forbade her to go. So, I went hiking by myself. I've brought it up to her that she is an able-bodied adult that is completely capable of making her own decisions and that she doesn't need to ask her aunt or father permission to go places. She is always complaining about how her aunt is so controlling and doesn't allow her to do things she should be able to do.
Early last year I helped her and her aunt move (it was the first time I have met her aunt) and her aunt liked me a lot. Ive been friends with this person for nearly two years now, and I am thinking of calling it quits with her. What would you do? Keep the friendship or move on?
Have you witnessed this yourself? Have you actually seen her aunt and/or father do this? Because something about this situation seems...off.
Sounds as if she is not living the life of an independent adult, and you are. You are beating a dead horse with these invitations. Myself, I would stop asking, but I would definitely not deliver another lecture about growing up and being independent. Just let it go, and move on.
Keep the causal chat going at work if you enjoy speaking with her. Forget about doing anything with her after work. Any 27 year old woman who allows an aunt and father to tell her what time to go to bed is not friend material. She is not adult enough yet to be her own person.
Is this a cultural thing? Is she from a culture in which women, no matter what their age, are dominated by older family members until they marry ?
Has she ever expressed the willingness or desire to get her on place? At her age, why is still living at home? Even if finances are tight, she could always get a room mate .
The aunt has met you, yet still won't let her niece to go hiking with you. Either you didn't pass the suitable person test or this young woman is never allowed to do anything she wants. No matter the reason, this is a lost cause. Move on, things will not change unless your friend moves out of the house, gets her own place far from family and develops enough backbone to make her own decisions.
Keep the causal chat going at work if you enjoy speaking with her. Forget about doing anything with her after work. Any 27 year old woman who allows an aunt and father to tell her what time to go to bed is not friend material. She is not adult enough yet to be her own person.
Is this a cultural thing? Is she from a culture in which women, no matter what their age, are dominated by older family members until they marry ?
Has she ever expressed the willingness or desire to get her on place? At her age, why is still living at home? Even if finances are tight, she could always get a room mate .
The aunt has met you, yet still won't let her niece to go hiking with you. Either you didn't pass the suitable person test or this young woman is never allowed to do anything she wants. No matter the reason, this is a lost cause. Move on, things will not change unless your friend moves out of the house, gets her own place far from family and develops enough backbone to make her own decisions.
Well, actually, she is from India. I know her culture is pretty strict about their women. She has expressed her desire to move out. But she feels a devotion to her father because he partially paid for her college.
it might also be that the aunt is of an age that doesn't believe men/women can be friends.
Either way, she probably will never socialize with you outside of work. Just accept that and look for someone more available for activities.
Yes and you have a point there. It just irritates me that her aunt would ask me to help them move but not allow her niece to hang out with me. I've grown up around different cultures. Heck, I lived in the Philippines for three years and the majority of my friends in highschool were of the Asian culture. I had a Vietnamese best friend in HS and the hoops I had to go through to earn trust in her parents was astounding. But it comes second nature to me. So I doubt that I did or said anything to not earn the trust of her aunt, I just think , like what you said, that her aunt doesn't think women and men cannot be friends. Its a shame.
I think the real question here is why do you want to hangout with someone who clearly can't or refuses to think for themselves and be a reasonable human being
I think the real question here is why do you want to hangout with someone who clearly can't or refuses to think for themselves and be a reasonable human being
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Good question. To answer that, I don't know. I mean, she just seems like a great person to be around. I'm not attracted to her nor is she to me. So its that little measure of comfort that I like. You know how the feeling is when you hang out with someone of the Opposite sex and its that uncomfortable attraction that keeps male/females from becoming friends? I don't have to worry about that. Guess I'm looking for what I used to have when I was in HS. I know things are very different from those days and things are just not as simple. But, I thought, with her wanting to change and part with her families intrusions in her life, that I wanted to be there for her on the other side, I guess. But, I have to realize that she won't change.
So I guess now my next question is, how do I break off the friendship? I've tried before, but keep going back. Like hitting the repeat button time after time. I've tried avoiding her and not texting or calling, but sooner or later we End up talking again. And I'm not the type to sit down and have a heart to heart either. Lol.
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