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Old 09-01-2013, 05:49 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
39,044 posts, read 27,462,475 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizita View Post
Do you feel love for your parents? Or how do you feel about them? To me it's pretty foreign to actually have loving feelings for your parents but I'm curious if other people do.
I love my parents so much and I cannot expect better parents. They are the best!!
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Old 09-01-2013, 05:57 AM
 
1,373 posts, read 2,952,412 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Even though they're both been dead for over 20 years, yes I do; and they were lousy parents most of the time.
Same here so no I do NOT love them. If anything I HATE my mother and I'm indifferent to my father.
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Old 09-01-2013, 07:26 AM
 
13,498 posts, read 18,138,198 times
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Both are deceased. I never did love my father, he was home for so little time each day that he was a virtual stranger in the house, and very taciturn. By the time, many years later, when he had more time, he was simply a like a difficult boarder to get along with. In some ways I admire the man, but certainly don't love him. And there was never any evidence that he loved me.

My mother seemed unable to get beyond age twelve, either emotionally or intellectually. She was a very angry person, a know it all, afraid of being inferior, depressed, etc. etc., very much like the shrieking, screaming junior high school girls I used to see years later on the bus as I returned from work. Past the early years of grade school it became impossible to love someone as wildly erratic and volatile personality as that.

On the other hand, their siblings in both cases were people I liked very much. Thus, while my own little nuclear family was dreadful, I did have a great sense of family because I had constant contact with aunts, uncles and cousins who were loving and stable...and mature. When I think of parents, I think of one of my mother's sisters who provided a loving, caring mother for me, and of several uncles who able to provide the time and affection that my father was unable to.

At age fourteen I got a job where I worked before school, after school and all day Saturday. Otherwise I was able to conveniently shut myself in my room to do homework...even when I had none to do, Saturday nights I went out, which for the most part left only Sunday afternoon and early evening as a time I might be forced to be in my parents' company. I smiled and was agreeable , and largely uncommunicative or duplicitous about what my real thoughts, feelings, etc. were. My life with my parents became mostly play-acting and appeasement; and my real life was lived with the adults I worked with, the teachers and other students at school and my aunts and uncles.

Last edited by kevxu; 09-01-2013 at 07:41 AM..
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Old 09-01-2013, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Sunset Mountain
1,384 posts, read 3,173,326 times
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My parents are still alive and married 42 years. I loved them dearly. Worshiped them as a child. Thought they could do no wrong, ever. Then I grew up and realized a lot of things.

I was in a one-sided relationship. I believe my parents love me, but I also believe they do not "like" me. I stood up for myself many times as a child, teenager, and adult and was "put in my place" over and over.

Since adulthood, I've tried a dozen or so times to build a relationship with them as best I could. In the end, I made the tough decision to distance myself from them permanently. Too toxic. Too irrational. I haven't figured out how to be in their presence and be myself.

the last time I spoke with my parents, I was heavily dosed on Xanax. I found the courage to tell them how they make me feel, how they hurt me with their words, criticisms, and false accusations. My mom threw me out of her house and my dad nodded his approval of her decision.

They did me a favor, and released me from having to ever go back and make amends. I forgave them the instant I stepped over their threshold into the driveway, and have never looked back.

I love them somewhere inside of me, but I will not allow them to be a part of my life. I believe the feeling is mutual now. And I'm o.k. with this decision.

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Old 09-01-2013, 07:50 AM
 
13,498 posts, read 18,138,198 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katlakat View Post
...I was in a one-sided relationship. I believe my parents love me, but I also believe they do not "like" me. ...
I am seventy-five years old, and at this point I have lost track of the number of parents who have quite quietly admitted to having that exact feeling about one of their children. I don't think it is the norm, but I do think it is far from unusual.
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Old 09-01-2013, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
18,761 posts, read 11,755,546 times
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No I did not love either of my parents. I just tried to survive them until I was old enough to escape at 19. They were horrible people.
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Old 09-01-2013, 10:44 AM
 
526 posts, read 896,924 times
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no love, no respect.....when I was young and 2 friends had the mothers die, I couldn't understand their grief
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Old 09-01-2013, 10:57 AM
 
1,915 posts, read 3,982,463 times
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I love my mother. She drives me crazy, but I have always loved her. I always felt protected by her. As a child I would rather hang out with her instead of my swimming, music and dance lessons. My siblings, they would jump out of the car and head straight for whatever activity we had scheduled. Me, I would try and convince her to let me skip lessons and hang out with her. I knew, whatever she was going to do was going to be way more fun and interesting. She's my strength.

My father? I just never liked him....even as a toddler, I would just stare at him. When my parents divorced in the 70's, he divorced all of us. He lived in the same city, but he could have been on the moon for all I knew. He checked out and never looked back.

He's a retired police officer, and is an attorney. We're not talking the usual deadbeat, he has always had a comfortable/decent income. This was decades ago, before child support laws. My mother got the house and the kids. He got his freedom.

I never liked him as a person so I have a blank, non emotional concern for his well being, but I can't say I love the dude. Don't hate him, don't hold a grudge....there's just a nothing feeling, if you know what I mean.

He called me over 12 years ago and tried to connect. My younger brother gave him my phone number. I was pleasant, but it was like talking to a stranger. I remember him asking me if I loved him....and that's when I felt it. Nothing. Felt like a release. I realized, I never liked him.
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Old 09-01-2013, 11:16 AM
 
1,837 posts, read 2,015,063 times
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Love both my parents very much. Dad passed away in '96, and I will always miss him. Mom is going strong, thank God. They made mistakes, as everyone does, but they were excellent parents. I was greatly blessed.
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Old 09-01-2013, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Albuquerque NM
2,068 posts, read 2,372,162 times
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I had feelings for my parents but am not sure that I really loved them. My dad died forty years ago and my mom died about fifteen years ago. We had a large dysfunctional family and little money and we kids were made to feel that we were just another mouth to feed. My mom had a horrible impoverished childhood and was overwhelmed in adulthood by having to work and raise six kids. She was not physically abusive but just rather neglectful and had little education or common sense. I resent her for being a poor mother but have empathy for her difficult life. My dad was a bully and could make you feel like crap and I have more actual dislike for him. It probably doesn't help that I was shuffled off to live with my great grandmother until I was six years old so missed out on bonding.

However I love my siblings even through we live in different states and try to see them at least once a year and talk on the phone. My older siblings helped raise me and I helped raise my younger siblings. We stick together and I know they will always be there for me if I am in need. We have a special bond.

Interesting enough, my two oldest siblings detested my mother and adored my father who they consider a saint. The three youngest kids feel differently. Also my cousin confided in me several years ago that my father's sister, her mother, had been a very cold and unloving mother.
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