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Old 09-02-2013, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,121 posts, read 7,549,695 times
Reputation: 6216

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Sounds like your family just cancelled Christmas......
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Old 09-02-2013, 09:00 AM
 
2,539 posts, read 2,908,393 times
Reputation: 2742
If your family cannot accept your lifestyle and the choices you have made, then why have them over as guests in your house for the holidays? Your original post is not too clear, but if you don't spell out boundaries with your family members as an adult, they will continue "to step on you" by telling you how to live your life and that is assuming you have complete financial independence from them.
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Old 09-02-2013, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,632 posts, read 4,757,271 times
Reputation: 18864
First of all, it was sort of pushy for them to ask you to host Christmas. If you want to invite people to your home, YOU do the inviting, not the other way around. Secondly, just because you host the party doesn't necessarily mean people get to STAY at your place. If you want them to stay over, then they should be gracious GUESTS and behave that way. Guests don't usually get to tell hosts where to sleep, and there are hotels nearby, I'm sure, if they simply can't abide. And finally, and most importantly, it is YOUR HOME and you set the parameters of what happens in your home, PERIOD. Parents and sibs have no say in your living arrangement if you are self-supporting. DO NOT BUDGE on this fact. Only when you behave as an autonomous adult will you be treated as such. We teach people how to treat us, and you don't want to teach your parents that they still rule in your life and home.

Last edited by TheShadow; 09-02-2013 at 09:27 AM..
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Old 09-02-2013, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
17,631 posts, read 11,080,300 times
Reputation: 37650
I've read your post twice and am still confused...........are you a male or female ?? If you posted that I missed seeing it.

Ok, first things first. You have made a HUGE mistake mixing your finances with someone to whom you are not married. If you split when you are married at least things can be settled by a court, but if you are just two unmarried people it gets REALLY messy. Like Judge Judy says, "If you are going to play house how do you expect me to sort out the pots and pans of this arrangement ?" You have very little protection right now and the chances you two will end up splitting and screwing up both of your credits is very good. That is the real mess I see you in.

Now for the family. If you are an adult and living on your own, your family has no right to dictate your lifestyle..........their job is done. They may not like it but they need to butt out. Have Christmas dinner at a restaurant and then say goodbye if they object to your sleeping arrangements.

Don
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Old 09-02-2013, 09:31 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, Arkansas
389 posts, read 1,003,463 times
Reputation: 454
I agree with all the above. We need more facts.
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Old 09-02-2013, 02:15 PM
 
2 posts, read 3,120 times
Reputation: 15
Well if anyone must know... I'm a 32 years old male.
As for what if we want to date someone else... That's unlikely as we keep coming back to each other and due to few personal issues, it's unlikely.
That why most of my family are happy that I have a arrangement with this girl.

My parents on other hand... Think I'm setting a bad example for my youngest brother who's 16 and few cousins because my second oldest brother has got in some serious trouble in past. So now I bear all blames for it.
Plus they think it is really wrong to live with someone you're not married to.

Also they think the girl I live with is a bad example.

So I think they just really want to try show that what I do and how I live is really wrong.

Yet none of other family members have a issue with it even if they disagree with it. They also say this girl is wonderful for me.

I think I'll go ahead and have Xmas at my house as lot of families members really want to be together for the holiday instead of divided.
I will simply tell my parents either they respect my rule or they will find a motel.

I'm aware this may enrage them but I don't feel like my whole family should have their parade rained on because my parents disagree with my life and want to set a example.
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Old 09-02-2013, 02:36 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,985 posts, read 14,626,449 times
Reputation: 14868
I have a feeling your 16 yr old brother already has an inkling that sex exists. If not, he has bigger problems than your "bad example". What your parents are doing is trying to shove their values down your throat and force grown adults to comply with their demands. Since they are being so outspoken with their condemnation, I would not "suggest" a motel. Demand they get a motel or stay with someone else. If you allow them to stay, with their unchanged attitude (and it will be really unchanged, at this point), you are setting up a disaster of a confrontation when you really do decide your own sleeping arrangements that night. They will no doubt treat her badly, and she does not deserve that in her own home. Home is your sanctuary - not where you invite barracudas in to chew on you.
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Old 09-02-2013, 02:37 PM
 
443 posts, read 399,336 times
Reputation: 1184
"When you're in my house, you'll live by my rules"

My mother was very old school. I lived with my boyfriend and when we were at her house, we slept in different bedrooms. But, when she came to our house, we slept together. Never had any problems.
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Old 09-02-2013, 02:54 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,169,187 times
Reputation: 4297
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pulaski6 View Post
I'm aware this may enrage them but I don't feel like my whole family should have their parade rained on because my parents disagree with my life and want to set a example.
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Old 09-02-2013, 05:52 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,779 posts, read 18,685,586 times
Reputation: 24340
Yep time to tell your parents you are 32 yrs old and you will do as you damn well please in your home . Now in their home totally different story . Before I got married I lived with a guy and my mom thought it was terrible that we were living together and slept in the same bed . However she never said a word while in my house and my bf's mother never said a word either because they knew I would put my foot down and not budge . Your house , your rules if mom and dad cant understand that , then maybe they should not come and visit .
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