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I should mention a couple of things. First of all, it was taking me about an hour to an hour each evening to do the dishes, which I was happy to do but a big time commitment after I finished work for the day. Trying to go through and scrub all of the dishes prior to putting them into the dishwasher would have taken an extra 15 to 20 minutes each evening, and I wasn't interested in stretching out the time it spent to clean the dishes any longer.
Also, my MIL didn't actually ever do dishes. She loafed on the sofa and watched TV, and the dishes simply piled up in the kitchen. Sometims there were no dishes for me to use, so I'd have to grab a dirty one from the counters, wash it quickly, and then use it. I'm not keen on following instructions from folks that loaf on sofas and have very specific and exacting instructions for others.
Isn't it rather gross and unsanitary to simply leave dirty dishes on your counters for days on end? Is that really worse than putting unrinsed dishes in a (properly working) dishwasher?
I think what is going on here is that you feel superior to your MIL, and instead of being thankful that she gave you a roof over your head, you have chosen to call her out as a pig and continue on your high horse this way even years later.
I absolutely hate the fact that dishwashers don't wash dirty dishes. I could respond by just scrubbing them before loading the dishwasher, but I find that I resent it less if I just send them through again if they come out dirty.
We never use the dishwasher. When the dishes hit the counter they are rinsed off of all food in anticipation of being washed. Normally that would be as soon as they are delivered to the counter after the meal. Still if time does not permit, they will be ready and food free when we do clean them. Prerinsing them after using them makes it so much easier to clean them. I hate to have to sit and scrub dried food particles off a plate or pan for that matter. After each meal our kitchen is cleaned, dishes are washed and drying.
Point 2:
Lucky you that you have failed at doing dishes in your MIL's eyes. Better to fail at that in your wifes eyes. The more things that you can't do the less you will have to worry about at your home. I wouldn't look at that as a bad thing. Run with that. Enjoy your freedom.
The more things that you can't do the less you will have to worry about at your home.
Well, I taught my wife that scraping the food off is sufficient and the dishes still come out clean, with the exception of certain foods like sticky rice and oatmeal. Those need to be cleaned prior. It took a couple years, but once the kid came around and we no longer have much time, she is all in favor of less time spent doing dishes.
Today she thinks its crazy to rinse and clean dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.
Letting food harden on the dishes for a long time (like all day), while sitting on the counter or in the sink, would make the dishes hard to clean, than simply not pre-washing them. That said, I still pre-wash. I look at the dishwasher more like a sanitizer.
This is another case where a friend's sage advice comes to mind. "There are two ways to do this: My way and do it yourself."
They'd rather do it themselves. Good. Now you don't have to bother with it when you visit.
I might have found something else to help with, though, something that doesn't have a "method," like, say, taking out the trash or running out to get dry-cleaning.
Nobody ever lives up to kitchen tyrants' expectations. You have the perfect excuse to leave her alone to manage her dishwasher as she sees fit. I see no problem.
I take back my answer, because I was answering as if the OP went over for dinner from time to time. I see now that he or she was living there at the time. Staying with someone for a few weeks moves you from "houseguest" (cleanup is the host's job) to "temporary roommate" (put up and pitch in). Helping with chores is to be expected of everybody living there. I still think that some people are very fussy micromanagers but it's not a big deal to do it her way.
I always stick my dishes in a pan of soapy water before loading them in the dishwasher. They aren't actually washed, but there's nothing worse than a dish coming out of the dishwasher that has food baked on it. Much more work to get that off than giving them a quick rinsing before loading. If a helper stuck them in the dishwasher without rinsing, I'd let them know my preference that they rinse first. If they wanted to argue with me that it wasn't necessary, I'd thank them for their offer of help, but tell them not to bother, and I'd load the dishwasher myself.
I don't take guests up on their offer to clean up after a get together. I prefer to putt, take my time and do it my way. To me, it's relaxing after entertaining and a good way to wind down.
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