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Old 09-05-2013, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Florida
2,291 posts, read 4,933,590 times
Reputation: 5236

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No is a complete sentence, accept their decision and be thankful that they helped you in the past.
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Old 09-05-2013, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,380,615 times
Reputation: 39856
Quote:
Originally Posted by carrala View Post
Hi,

during my studies my parents always supported me with some money. They never took loans for me or gave me a lot of money (I always had to work to survive) but they gave me some every month.

Then I graduated and they stopped supporting me, obviously. I had a job so I didn't need to. Then I got a job offer from abroad and I decided to take it. My parents tried to convince me not to go and got really angry, but I did so anyway. I was working there for a while, then I got laid off. First I was desperate, then my selfemployment started to work out! I had been trying to make money selfemployed for a while, but then finally 2 months ago, when I got laid off, it started to work out. The payments come really late though, always 60-90 days after earning. So this months I'm really short on money and cannot even pay my rent.

So I asked my parents to lend me money for three weeks, until I get my payment. My mother got really angry and said that she's tired of helping me, that they already gave me enough when I was a student. That she's tired of taking care of me and my stuff. And that she doesn't want to lend me money, even though I said I will give it back to her in three weeks.

My parents are not rich, but they're having a decent life. Both are working full-time in office jobs, own a house , have two cars and plenty of holidays.

What do you guys think? Is my mother right to not help me in this situation? Or should a family help each other with any possible issue? I don't know what to think.

Thanks!
Time to grow up

As adults we make our own choices AND live with the consequences of those choices.

It is not your parents responsibility to bail you out when something like a job loss occurs, especially when, as you said, "they are not rich".

Some parents might choose to help, but no parent is "wrong" or "bad" for not helping, especially when they helped you all the way through college - that's already more than a lot of people ever get.
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Old 09-05-2013, 01:58 PM
 
501 posts, read 705,263 times
Reputation: 720
The part that makes the OP seem a bit immature in my opinion is she is only focusing on one thing: whether it's right or not for her parents to refuse to lend her money.

The elephant in the room that she doesn't want to talk about is what will she do different in the future to ensure that she doesn't get into the same position again in a month or two. If she actually will repay the money (which is her intent), she'll have even less disposable money while the loan is being repaid. It can be very difficult to dig yourself out of debt.

So rather than focus on what your parents have or their fancy vacations they go on, I would suggest focusing on your own situation and what you are doing to ensure you won't run into this again. First thing should be relocating to a place with a higher income and/or lower cost of living. Second thing should be getting gainful employment and with an income that will support your lifestyle.

I would be far more willing to lend money to someone if having a little extra would get them someplace where they didn't need help in the future. What you are asking is for them to tide you to the next month, but not presenting any plan of how to not require their help in the future.
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Old 09-05-2013, 01:58 PM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,788,379 times
Reputation: 25421
Instead of complaining on City-Data, why don't you try to find a part-time job to make the $600 you need?
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Old 09-05-2013, 02:02 PM
 
Location: Vancouver
12,546 posts, read 8,691,483 times
Reputation: 7224
Quote:
Originally Posted by carrala View Post
Hi,

during my studies my parents always supported me with some money. They never took loans for me or gave me a lot of money (I always had to work to survive) but they gave me some every month.

Then I graduated and they stopped supporting me, obviously. I had a job so I didn't need to. Then I got a job offer from abroad and I decided to take it. My parents tried to convince me not to go and got really angry, but I did so anyway. I was working there for a while, then I got laid off. First I was desperate, then my selfemployment started to work out! I had been trying to make money selfemployed for a while, but then finally 2 months ago, when I got laid off, it started to work out. The payments come really late though, always 60-90 days after earning. So this months I'm really short on money and cannot even pay my rent.

So I asked my parents to lend me money for three weeks, until I get my payment. My mother got really angry and said that she's tired of helping me, that they already gave me enough when I was a student. That she's tired of taking care of me and my stuff. And that she doesn't want to lend me money, even though I said I will give it back to her in three weeks.

My parents are not rich, but they're having a decent life. Both are working full-time in office jobs, own a house , have two cars and plenty of holidays.

What do you guys think? Is my mother right to not help me in this situation? Or should a family help each other with any possible issue? I don't know what to think.

Thanks!
Something in your relationship with your parents has soured. Why does your mother feel she " tired " of helping you? Were you ungrateful for their help? Or is it that you mother is angry a bit at herself for teaching you to expect financial help?
Something is missing in the story. What does you mother mean by " your stuff " ?
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Old 09-05-2013, 02:02 PM
 
501 posts, read 705,263 times
Reputation: 720
Quote:
Instead of complaining on City-Data, why don't you try to find a part-time job to make the $600 you need?
She could also spend her time demanding that the dead beat clients actually write a check and pay her.

There is no reason she should have to borrow money when she has people who owe her money but haven't paid yet. If need be, she could sell the debt to a collection agency and have them collect. 90 days late is unacceptable.

Quote:
Something in your relationship with your parents has soured.
I think that was when the daughter moved abroad to some locale where the opportunity for gainful employment was limited, wages were poor, and cost of living was high. They advised against it, but she did anyway. Now a short while later, it didn't work out and she is asking for money. They'd rather see her back in her home country where we assume the job opportunities are better.

Frankly, if I moved to Hawaii shortly after graduation, and then found I couldn't find work, my parents might buy me a plane ticket back home, but wouldn't pay for my rent.
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Old 09-05-2013, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Northern Illinois
2,187 posts, read 3,602,776 times
Reputation: 6336
Your parents owe you nothing.....they have helped you in the past, and you should have no expectation that they will continue to help you out. You made your own choice to go to another country to work, you have to live with the choices you make as a grown up. The sooner you learn that basic rule - the easier you will accept the truth - which is you are not a child any more, so put your hand in your own pocket instead of trying to put it in your parents'. You're lucky you got what you did - they aren't responsible for you any longer. The fact that they have jobs, two cars, own a house and can take vacations should not even come into play with your situation. Maybe you should buy yourself a lottery ticket or find somebody else to sponge off of. Mama has cut the strings, baby.....deal with it!!!
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Old 09-05-2013, 02:05 PM
 
12,544 posts, read 12,484,890 times
Reputation: 28900
Quote:
Originally Posted by carrala View Post
Hi,

during my studies my parents always supported me with some money. They never took loans for me or gave me a lot of money (I always had to work to survive) but they gave me some every month.

Then I graduated and they stopped supporting me, obviously. I had a job so I didn't need to. Then I got a job offer from abroad and I decided to take it. My parents tried to convince me not to go and got really angry, but I did so anyway. I was working there for a while, then I got laid off. First I was desperate, then my selfemployment started to work out! I had been trying to make money selfemployed for a while, but then finally 2 months ago, when I got laid off, it started to work out. The payments come really late though, always 60-90 days after earning. So this months I'm really short on money and cannot even pay my rent.

So I asked my parents to lend me money for three weeks, until I get my payment. My mother got really angry and said that she's tired of helping me, that they already gave me enough when I was a student. That she's tired of taking care of me and my stuff. And that she doesn't want to lend me money, even though I said I will give it back to her in three weeks.

My parents are not rich, but they're having a decent life. Both are working full-time in office jobs, own a house , have two cars and plenty of holidays.

What do you guys think? Is my mother right to not help me in this situation? Or should a family help each other with any possible issue? I don't know what to think.

Thanks!
Take it from someone who is also self-employed: This is the path you have chosen, and this is the risk you take with it. If you aren't ready for the instability of it, or you can't live with the stress of having to make tough choices when you first start out, then get a day job.

You are a grown-up. Your parents owe you nothing.

Oh, and I hope you are not working without a contract. All of my contracts define payment terms, including late fees and interest. If you don't insist upon contracts, and you get screwed over, it's your own fault. Finally, your payment terms should never be more than net 30. Your rent, utilities, and credit cards are due every 30 days, aren't they? And your landlord, utilities, and banks don't want to hear your excuses. Why should you wait for payment, yourself? My invoices are all marked "due upon receipt," and that usually gets me paid within the month. Those who go past 30 calendar days get nagged until they realize that the only way to get me off their backs is to pay me. I start writing and calling the first day payment is late. If I am currently working on another project for them, I stop work and hold it hostage until they pay up. I suggest you adopt a similar approach.

Last edited by Lilac110; 09-05-2013 at 02:14 PM..
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Old 09-05-2013, 02:27 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,985 posts, read 14,638,446 times
Reputation: 14868
Quote:
Originally Posted by twoincomes View Post

I think that was when the daughter moved abroad to some locale where the opportunity for gainful employment was limited, wages were poor, and cost of living was high. They advised against it, but she did anyway. Now a short while later, it didn't work out and she is asking for money. They'd rather see her back in her home country where we assume the job opportunities are better.

Frankly, if I moved to Hawaii shortly after graduation, and then found I couldn't find work, my parents might buy me a plane ticket back home, but wouldn't pay for my rent.
This right here. Your decision to move there looked foolish to them. Looks like they were right - it was foolish and if you continue living there, it looks to remain foolish. Why should they continue to bail out your poor decisions? You were adult enough to make that decision - be adult enough to deal with the consequences. What they have in their bank account is none of your business - you are not entitled to it. Entitled seems to be the overall mindset here.
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Old 09-05-2013, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,380,615 times
Reputation: 39856
Quote:
Originally Posted by smaragdgreen View Post
I'm surprised about all these answers here... I think differently.

If I had a child, I would help him/her, doesn't matter what I think of his/her decisions. My opinion might be different, but you have to accept. And if my child was in an emergency situation where he/she needed money (NOTE: the OP wants the parents to lend him money for THREE weeks, he's going to pay it back, it's not like that he said he just wants his parents to give him money and never pay back). I would give it to my child without complaining or anything. For me, that's what family mans. Being there for each other, in emergency situations and even if you don't agree with a family member's choices.

Also, if my parents needed money (well, my father let's say, with my mother I don't have a relationship) in an emergency situation I would give him money without even asking. For me that's normal.

And I also wouldn't just offer my child to pay him/her a return ticket. If he/she is happy there, I'm happy too.
Sometimes you just have to be a parent before you can think like one

It's all well and good to imagine what you would do, but once you are a parent you understand the importance and responsibility to make certain your "child" becomes a fully functioning independent adult.
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