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Old 09-08-2013, 07:13 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,551,127 times
Reputation: 39866

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grande_Expectations View Post
Nobody should be pissed at the son. He's doing precisely what dear old mom and dad have always taught him to.

Mom and Dad are the ones who need the therapy and the help. When they change themselves, their son will naturally move out on his own. Until then, any eviction or disconnection of xboxes and the like are just bandaids.
Agree.

Pity for the son, pissed off is for the parents who allowed this to happen.

 
Old 09-08-2013, 08:02 PM
 
11,301 posts, read 21,760,664 times
Reputation: 8910
90 posts and OP hasn't returned. Almost same exact thing was posted on another forum in February. My 38 year old son won't get a job
 
Old 09-08-2013, 08:12 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,988 posts, read 14,675,162 times
Reputation: 14876
Quote:
Originally Posted by Henna View Post
90 posts and OP hasn't returned. Almost same exact thing was posted on another forum in February. My 38 year old son won't get a job
That's why I cry bulls**t. This is so obviously not real. Again, she put up with it for 20 years - it's a way of life for all involved. She's not looking for advice.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 08:19 PM
 
1,478 posts, read 1,899,024 times
Reputation: 2508
LOL 20 years? That's the problem. Too little, too late. If this is true, don't even bother. Let him sort it out when they die.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 08:56 PM
 
Location: Lake Oswego, Manhattan, Aspen
3,236 posts, read 4,210,290 times
Reputation: 11627
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharks With Lasers View Post
The validity of this post raises numerous suspicions from me. Nobody would put up with their son ordering them around and refusing to work for 20 years. And even the laziest and least motivated of kids will help out around the house and stuff.
Actually, I know of one couple who have done precisely that (well, their son graduated sixteen or seventeen years ago - not twenty). Anyway, he's never completed a semester of college, or held a job, except for pretending to run an art gallery they opened for him. As in, he was given the keys to a brand-new gorgeous business, in a great location.... fully-stocked & ready to go. It went under in record time. I'm sure they would have continued bankrolling the thing, had Sonny-boy done ANYTHING resembling work. He must have flaked-out really badly, for them to admit defeat.

Well, that was a decade or so back. Since then, he's been doing NOTHING. I googled his name, a while back, and he lists himself as a "writer and comedian". But even with parents willing to hire ANYONE to promote him, his "body of work" seems nonexistent. Little birds in the community where they moved (selling their home, and moving their businesses) because they thought their baby would fit-in better, there... well, those birds told me the parents hired an editor, and assembled a book, to be "authored" by the kid (he'd had a thought or two relevant to the field in which the book was to offer 'breakthrough' concepts). But it was a field occupied by professionals who've undergone twelve or so rigorous years of training. And, who'd-a-thunk-it?... no publisher would touch a book "authored" by someone with zero semesters of college, and a bit of an arrest record.

By the way, this kid went to the best private schools, from Pre-K on, and was a straight-A, four-sports jock, with a lot of typical jock friends, and the sort of social life one would expect. So, I'm not describing someone with disabling cognitive or social issues. But as soon as he graduated from his top-ranked prep school, he morphed from being a creepy overachiever, to being a layabout.

He's been ordering his parents around for DECADES. They lived in our gated community, where he (and their helicopter parenting) was notorious. He'd steal wine from people's homes, and hide it in the restroom toilets at the Yacht Club - then get other people's kids blamed for it. And now, whenever he's about to be forced to deal with the world as an independent adult, he generates some sort of crisis - or comes down with some mysterious ailment - and his parents let him continue his luxurious slothdom. They are both rather ruthless professionals, and have mentally stunted a number of their hires. They both used to brag about keeping their employees (mostly certified professionals) down. The husband used to brag about the mental ploys he'd use, to keep potential competitors (his employees) pruned-down-to-size.

So, I suppose The Fates arranged a bit of payback. The couple didn't realize they were pruning their son down into a weird little topiary, along with their employees. They made that monster, and now the monster is eating them alive. He's a cruel monster, with parents who are cruel monsters. And they travel, together, between their three homes. The punishment for each of them is a life sentence of being stuck with the other two.

Maybe the Son will inherit enough to live. But apparently, his trust funds from his Paternal Grandfather are exhausted, his Mom's inheritance from her parents seems to be gone (I found an announcement in someone's blog that the Mom is coming out of retirement), and his 'Dad' seems to have exhausted his own inheritances (Attorneys, psychiatrists, editors, designers, for Sonny Boy did not come cheap). So who knows?

But if you've turned your child into a pet (even a vicious pet), then you've lost the right to kick him out of the house, when he's reached middle age. A pet cannot fend for itself, out in the world.

Surely, there are counselors who now specialize in this sort of thing.

I sincerely wish the OP good luck!

Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 09-08-2013 at 09:36 PM..
 
Old 09-08-2013, 09:01 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,176 posts, read 8,696,248 times
Reputation: 6194
Smile Maybe....

Put your home up for sale, tell him you are moving to a 55 plus community, he'll get the hint.

Then - do it.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 09:02 PM
 
Location: In a little house on the prairie - literally
10,202 posts, read 6,091,191 times
Reputation: 4527
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
Put your home up for sale, tell him you are moving to a 55 plus community, he'll get the hint.

Then - do it.
I was just about to suggest the same thing except to add moving to another part of the country.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 09:11 PM
 
Location: The Northeast - hoping one day the Northwest!
1,107 posts, read 1,129,804 times
Reputation: 1003
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheryjohns View Post
That's why I cry bulls**t. This is so obviously not real. Again, she put up with it for 20 years - it's a way of life for all involved. She's not looking for advice.
I mean, I would say it's somewhat possible. My brother is 30, no high school diploma, (dropped out when he was 16 - never got past freshman year) dead beat dad (his son is 13) no license and no job. He got a DUI and lost his license. He is eligible to get it back but he can't since he owes child support. He was a mechanic, and he can't work at a repair shop since he doesn't have his license. So, his work his just word of mouth. He just starting doing his laundry last year. My mom will still come up to his room though and clear up the soda cans and trash.

My brother is a smart guy, just I don't know why he isn't trying for anything else. We are night and day. I moved out when I was 22, and I've been working since I was 17. Sometimes even throughout college I had two jobs.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 09:16 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,736,421 times
Reputation: 2056
I can't tell you how many people I know who are like your son and the parents are enablers. I tell them what are your kids going to do without you?

I don't feel sorry for you because you allowed your son to take control.

You need to work with him, give him options and time frame and he is out.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 09:39 PM
 
Location: Phoenix Arizona
718 posts, read 1,551,328 times
Reputation: 1637
You reap what you sow......you "raised" the beast now suffer your consequences.
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