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Old 09-08-2013, 11:33 AM
 
805 posts, read 2,088,561 times
Reputation: 447

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Quote:
Originally Posted by 313Weather View Post
Counseling/professional help only works if the son believes he has a problem.

Based on what the OP describes, he seems to be in his right mind. He just expects the OP and her husband to support him for the rest of his life.

LOL! In his right mind at age 38 and never having worked and still living at home? Wow, where is that normal?

 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Deep In The Heart of Texas
1,603 posts, read 1,270,176 times
Reputation: 3016
My gosh, he needs to get a life. You've let this go on and on. You have enabled him. He needs to get the heck out and take care of himself. Seek some outside help!
 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:46 AM
 
7,238 posts, read 10,890,436 times
Reputation: 5583
Quote:
Originally Posted by caspian65 View Post
LOL! In his right mind at age 38 and never having worked and still living at home? Wow, where is that normal?
I know tons of people like the OP personally. Some people are truly plain lazy and expect others to support them for the rest of their lives. The fact that he told his parents point blank that he hates working and won't do it suggests that he's well aware of what he's doing.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:47 AM
 
803 posts, read 1,623,983 times
Reputation: 574
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandln View Post
I need some advice. My son just turned 38 and he refuses to get a job and move out of the house. Since graduating from high school, he has done nothing but sit on the couch, watch television, and play Xbox. He is also very disrespectful to my husband and I, and he yells at us for little things like if we order him the wrong kind of food or if I ask him to do something around the house like make up his bed or wash the clothes. He sleeps until 3 in the afternoon every day and stays up all night. I have told him to get a job but he refuses and says he hates working and that he won't do it. I can't just kick him out because I know he will end up on the street or in a homeless shelter. My husband and I are in our mid 60s and what we are afraid of more than anything is that we will die at some point and he won't be able to take care of himself. He is an intelligent man and made mainly As in high school, so he isn't stupid but he just won't get a job. How can I motivate him to work and become independent? I would prefer something that pays enough for him to live on his own, so he can't just work at a McDonald's. He's probably too old for the military and I know he would refuse to sign up for it even if he could. I just really need some ideas as this has been going on too long.
im sorry u are going thru this situation. i was thinking that maybe your son has something about working in public with people. alot of people have social anxiety, its very common and one of the things that affects them is getting a job. and venturing out into the world. people with social anxiety often tend to get anxiety attacks when in new and unfamiliar settings. its nerve wracking.

that could also be the cause as to why hes not leaving the house. these days, alot of children still live with their family and they help out their parents financially and with other house stuff(cutting grass etc,)

i would suggest looking into working from home. or maybe him taking an online course that will allow him to be able to work from home/ medical billing, medical transcription or random office paperwork that can give him some money. start off from there. take step by step. little steps if needed.

then maybe he can start financially contributing to the home or saving that money to possibly get his own place or a downpayment for his first home.

you have been in the same position with him for i guess since high schiool rite? its going to take some time. be persistant. talk to him. find out what there is that he likes to do. maybe he can make money doing that.

does he live in the house or like a seperate living space like a basement, attic, house extension.

oher jobs can be pet sitter, and those schedules arent so rigid as a 9-5 job. another one which has a more rigid schedule is newspaper delivery. encourage him that if hes good at what he does, he can possibly even start his own business.

does he like photography? its some money to start off with but if he likes it and becomes passionate about it, that can help him become his own boss and work on his own schedule.

do u guys have good lawn equipment, mayeh an put out bins cards /fliers to cut neighborhood lawns and that can be a business too for the summer time to make extra money.


tlk to him work with him. let him know all the xbox and video games will be there when he comes home from work. start off slow.. and dont expect change overnite. it will happen in its time.

good luck!
 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:55 AM
 
Location: home state of Myrtle Beach!
6,269 posts, read 18,886,732 times
Reputation: 3497
Quote:
Originally Posted by Exhibit_B View Post
my thoughts exactly... my parents "subliminally" kicked me out of the house at 17. it was already understood that at 18 I'd be on my own. at 17 i made the leap, found employment and have been independent of anyone ever since - best thing my parents ever could have done for me. it sounds like you guys enabled him.

my advice would be to give him a pistol and tell him to either "end himself or go feed himself" <joking>. any chance he smokes pot? I know a couple of guys I went to high school with that were part of the cool crowd, they followed this same path.
I am wondering if he is unable to pass a pre-employment drug test! He should be independent at that age. Do something about it now OP.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,334 posts, read 10,327,920 times
Reputation: 28449
yes you are partly responsible but now you want to do something about the problem.

I'd suggest that you and your husband visit a counselor. They can give you more helpful advice than anything posted here, and will help you find the strength to do it. It won't be easy but it's something that does have to be done.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 12:05 PM
 
Location: The Cupboard Under the Stairs
217 posts, read 431,069 times
Reputation: 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
This has been going on for 20 years and it's just now bothering you? You've let him do this for 20 years?
^^^This. Kick him out. About 15 years ago.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 12:11 PM
 
9,870 posts, read 8,158,454 times
Reputation: 13368
No sympathy from me. I have Aspergers which makes social interaction very hard and yet I was out my parents' home before I turned 21 thanks to the Navy. I was working in my junior year of high school and continued working until the tubes came out my ears allowing me to enlist. After 8 years, was forced out due to shoulder injury. Briefly moved back in with my folks until I got work. Am now 14 years at the same job, married, and living in the same home for the past 11 years. You should have put your foot down 2 decades ago. If he's not willing to get counseling, start legal proceedings to evict him. If he's this much of a problem, you'll need courts and police involved. Don't let him take ANYTHING he did not buy or wasn't an explicit gift. As soon as he's out the door, change all the locks. You may have to change the home and cell phone numbers. Get help from family so all relatives know what's going on and can provide support for you. If he's on your cell plan, cancel his service. You should also change your internet access passwords and close his email account with your internet provider. A parent's job isn't to be their child's friend. A parent's job is to get their kid prepared to be a responsible adult and you failed.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Dallas
5,601 posts, read 4,930,552 times
Reputation: 16459
Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
yes you are partly responsible but now you want to do something about the problem.

I'd suggest that you and your husband visit a counselor. They can give you more helpful advice than anything posted here, and will help you find the strength to do it. It won't be easy but it's something that does have to be done.
Probably the best advice I've read so far.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Eureka CA
8,239 posts, read 11,104,689 times
Reputation: 12552
Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
yes you are partly responsible but now you want to do something about the problem.

I'd suggest that you and your husband visit a counselor. They can give you more helpful advice than anything posted here, and will help you find the strength to do it. It won't be easy but it's something that does have to be done.
Totally agree. Family counseling, with or without the son.
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