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Old 09-08-2013, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,359 posts, read 10,908,364 times
Reputation: 3838

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SilverWing quote - "The son will become the one with the power, taking their SS or pensions, massively neglecting their welfare and abusing them if they protest the treatment."

That is what I foresee too. Hopefully I'm out by then, not that I'd put up with it for a minute.

 
Old 09-08-2013, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
17,628 posts, read 11,166,763 times
Reputation: 37671
Your Son is fine. You and your Husband are the problem. Why have you allowed this to go on and on and on without kicking his sorry butt out of the house ?

I am all for Parents loving their children, regardless of how old they are, but he is not only lazy but abusive. You and your Hubby have created this monster and it is you who needs to put an end to it.

I have no respect for people who let others run all over them, even if it is family. You two sound like very weak people.

Don
 
Old 09-08-2013, 04:40 PM
 
Location: The Northeast - hoping one day the Northwest!
1,107 posts, read 1,128,837 times
Reputation: 1003
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandln View Post
I need some advice. My son just turned 38 and he refuses to get a job and move out of the house. Since graduating from high school, he has done nothing but sit on the couch, watch television, and play Xbox. He is also very disrespectful to my husband and I, and he yells at us for little things like if we order him the wrong kind of food or if I ask him to do something around the house like make up his bed or wash the clothes. He sleeps until 3 in the afternoon every day and stays up all night. I have told him to get a job but he refuses and says he hates working and that he won't do it. I can't just kick him out because I know he will end up on the street or in a homeless shelter. My husband and I are in our mid 60s and what we are afraid of more than anything is that we will die at some point and he won't be able to take care of himself. He is an intelligent man and made mainly As in high school, so he isn't stupid but he just won't get a job. How can I motivate him to work and become independent? I would prefer something that pays enough for him to live on his own, so he can't just work at a McDonald's. He's probably too old for the military and I know he would refuse to sign up for it even if he could. I just really need some ideas as this has been going on too long.
Kicking him out might be the best option. He is too dependent on you, and he is an adult and needs to act like it. My sister in law was very disrespectful to her mother, and she had enough of it and kicked her out. She was 19 I believe at the time. That made her grow up. Now, she is 30, her mother and her are very close and is a great mother to her own 2 kids.

Kicking him out will be the only way for him to learn. Yes, it might seem rough, but you even said when you pass away you will be scared he won't be able to take care of himself. This way he will learn.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,516,378 times
Reputation: 39857
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
It's more common than you might think.

.
Then shame on the parents who let it happen.

They need a spanking.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 05:03 PM
 
Location: SE Michigan
6,191 posts, read 15,355,696 times
Reputation: 10248
Quote:
Originally Posted by don1945 View Post
Your Son is fine. You and your Husband are the problem. Why have you allowed this to go on and on and on without kicking his sorry butt out of the house ?

I am all for Parents loving their children, regardless of how old they are, but he is not only lazy but abusive. You and your Hubby have created this monster and it is you who needs to put an end to it.

I have no respect for people who let others run all over them, even if it is family. You two sound like very weak people.

Don
Agreed.
My guess is the son was coddled and catered to from birth until near-middle-aged. Weak parenting = weak middle-aged son.

I still maintain all parties involved are getting some sort of benefit from this arrangement. The parents are getting some sort of jollies by keeping their son childlike and coddled, and their son has become a useless blob because that is what his parents wanted, even if unintentionally. Until that is acknowledged honestly and dealt with, nothing will change.

It's going to take a massive paradigm shift. That's assuming the OP is for real, which I sort of doubt at this point.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 05:15 PM
 
Location: Paradise CA, that place on fire
748 posts, read 436,884 times
Reputation: 2019
I would start with not buying any groceries once the fridge is empty. Every day I would go out the eat at the cheapest places with my wife and let the big boy go hungry. I would buy sandwiches or fast food only for the two of us. I would stop doing his laundry, shut off the washer and drier, and place all entertainment devices such as TV and Stereo in a self storage for a month. When his dirty clothes pile up I'd toss it in the trash. Suspend the phone service and any newspapers. Hungry and bored, he might just go out to start a life of his own. Then, like five minutes later, I would change the locks.
If he can't support himself at this age what will he do at 75?
 
Old 09-08-2013, 05:16 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,988 posts, read 14,667,831 times
Reputation: 14876
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sgoldie View Post
Yeah, BigJake54, I was in the process of moving till my back went out and I couldn't move or even get up then I thought what would I do with no support network here for help? The bf doesn't expend any money on me other than what it costs him to live. I pay my own expenses and food with my limited social security. He begged me to marry him till he found out that in Fl you can't leave a wife destitute even if all your money is in a trust.

I guess what bothers me about kids like this late bloomer are that I was just the opposite. I honestly don't know how they will function in the future? They think they know a lot but have so much more to learn you can only get by being on your own.
It's easy to "know a lot" when you are living off other people and don't have to test your theories.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 05:18 PM
 
1,831 posts, read 2,135,755 times
Reputation: 2602
You have mental problems. You should seek medical help. Heal yourself then kick the son out.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 05:19 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,988 posts, read 14,667,831 times
Reputation: 14876
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwing View Post
Counseling for the parents to deal with the emotional manipulation and a lawyer to map out the legal part of eviction. It may not be so easy to hoist his barnacled ass out of the house if he (as expected) would not leave.

If this isn't resolved ::: puts on Amazing Kreskin turban:: I predict that the parents will become old and frail, still living in that house with their parasitic child. The son will become the one with the power, taking their SS or pensions, massively neglecting their welfare and abusing them if they protest the treatment.
I'll go you one better. In later years, he'll be on the news because one or both parents dies, and he'll keep on collecting the checks, after he has them stashed in the basement.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 05:25 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
17,628 posts, read 11,166,763 times
Reputation: 37671
I sort of agree that I doubt if this situation is actually real. It could all be made up. No one can be that wishy washy, can they ?

Don
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