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Old 09-08-2013, 11:11 AM
 
1 posts, read 5,447 times
Reputation: 12

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I need some advice. My son just turned 38 and he refuses to get a job and move out of the house. Since graduating from high school, he has done nothing but sit on the couch, watch television, and play Xbox. He is also very disrespectful to my husband and I, and he yells at us for little things like if we order him the wrong kind of food or if I ask him to do something around the house like make up his bed or wash the clothes. He sleeps until 3 in the afternoon every day and stays up all night. I have told him to get a job but he refuses and says he hates working and that he won't do it. I can't just kick him out because I know he will end up on the street or in a homeless shelter. My husband and I are in our mid 60s and what we are afraid of more than anything is that we will die at some point and he won't be able to take care of himself. He is an intelligent man and made mainly As in high school, so he isn't stupid but he just won't get a job. How can I motivate him to work and become independent? I would prefer something that pays enough for him to live on his own, so he can't just work at a McDonald's. He's probably too old for the military and I know he would refuse to sign up for it even if he could. I just really need some ideas as this has been going on too long.

 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:18 AM
 
151 posts, read 126,047 times
Reputation: 96
Easy. Kick him out. Problem solved.

Sorry to say you must have some fault with this as you probably have not raised him to be independent and a bum.

Kick him out. If he becomes a bum (which he already is) that's on him. By keeping him in the house you are proloning it not fixing it.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:19 AM
 
805 posts, read 2,088,227 times
Reputation: 447
Sounds to me like he should talk to a counselor, there are probably some deep psychological issues that need to be addressed. Depression comes to mind, which meds can help with.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:23 AM
 
7,238 posts, read 10,889,101 times
Reputation: 5583
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandln View Post
I need some advice. My son just turned 38 and he refuses to get a job and move out of the house. Since graduating from high school, he has done nothing but sit on the couch, watch television, and play Xbox. He is also very disrespectful to my husband and I, and he yells at us for little things like if we order him the wrong kind of food or if I ask him to do something around the house like make up his bed or wash the clothes. He sleeps until 3 in the afternoon every day and stays up all night. I have told him to get a job but he refuses and says he hates working and that he won't do it. I can't just kick him out because I know he will end up on the street or in a homeless shelter. My husband and I are in our mid 60s and what we are afraid of more than anything is that we will die at some point and he won't be able to take care of himself. He is an intelligent man and made mainly As in high school, so he isn't stupid but he just won't get a job. How can I motivate him to work and become independent? I would prefer something that pays enough for him to live on his own, so he can't just work at a McDonald's. He's probably too old for the military and I know he would refuse to sign up for it even if he could. I just really need some ideas as this has been going on too long.
I can understand if he wanted a job and was having trouble finding one.

But yeah, being someone that wants to do absolutely nothing at 38 years old, you must give him a ultimatum. Either he puts in some effort in getting a job and supporting himself, or he gets out of your house.

Quite frankly, you and your husband should have the house to yourselves in your mid 60s and enjoying your retirement/near-retirement years, but running behind your adult child that wants to do nothing with his life.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:24 AM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
33,876 posts, read 42,076,783 times
Reputation: 43276
This has been going on for 20 years and it's just now bothering you? You've let him do this for 20 years?
 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:25 AM
 
151 posts, read 126,047 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by caspian65 View Post
Sounds to me like he should talk to a counselor, there are probably some deep psychological issues that need to be addressed. Depression comes to mind, which meds can help with.
That might be the case but I am sorry, the man is 38 years old. His parents shouldn't have to be fixing and helping him discover these problems at this age. If he was 21 ok. But 38? Come on. At 38 your parents should not be responsible for you at all! Maybe help out a bit if you become unemployed, but that is just temporarily.

If he is depressed then he needs to seek out help on his own.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:26 AM
 
Location: USA
6,223 posts, read 5,353,584 times
Reputation: 10636
Try to get him professional mental help. It sounds like there could be some underlying psychological issue here. Being 38 and having done nothing in life raises some serious red flags.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Missouri
6,047 posts, read 21,644,174 times
Reputation: 5051
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandln View Post
I need some advice. My son just turned 38 and he refuses to get a job and move out of the house. Since graduating from high school, he has done nothing but sit on the couch, watch television, and play Xbox. He is also very disrespectful to my husband and I, and he yells at us for little things like if we order him the wrong kind of food or if I ask him to do something around the house like make up his bed or wash the clothes. He sleeps until 3 in the afternoon every day and stays up all night. I have told him to get a job but he refuses and says he hates working and that he won't do it. I can't just kick him out because I know he will end up on the street or in a homeless shelter. My husband and I are in our mid 60s and what we are afraid of more than anything is that we will die at some point and he won't be able to take care of himself. He is an intelligent man and made mainly As in high school, so he isn't stupid but he just won't get a job. How can I motivate him to work and become independent? I would prefer something that pays enough for him to live on his own, so he can't just work at a McDonald's. He's probably too old for the military and I know he would refuse to sign up for it even if he could. I just really need some ideas as this has been going on too long.
The answer is in your post - you need to evict him. If it hurts you, I can't really sympathize because you had a big part in creating this monster! I doubt that being homeless for a little bit will cause him any serious problems although of course he won't like it. Give him a firm deadline to move out and stick to it. I'd try to make it ASAP while the weather outside is still warm.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:30 AM
 
7,238 posts, read 10,889,101 times
Reputation: 5583
Quote:
Originally Posted by caspian65 View Post
Sounds to me like he should talk to a counselor, there are probably some deep psychological issues that need to be addressed. Depression comes to mind, which meds can help with.
Counseling/professional help only works if the son believes he has a problem.

Based on what the OP describes, he seems to be in his right mind. He just expects the OP and her husband to support him for the rest of his life.
 
Old 09-08-2013, 11:31 AM
 
805 posts, read 2,088,227 times
Reputation: 447
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bullocity View Post
That might be the case but I am sorry, the man is 38 years old. His parents shouldn't have to be fixing and helping him discover these problems at this age. If he was 21 ok. But 38? Come on. At 38 your parents should not be responsible for you at all! Maybe help out a bit if you become unemployed, but that is just temporarily.

If he is depressed then he needs to seek out help on his own.
It sounds to me like this parent is worried about the well-being of their son, even at the age of 38. Although, I would have to disagree that it is the son's fault now. Obviously, there are some serious mental issues, which I lay blame on the parents for not recognizing and getting him help long ago. The current situation could most likely have been avoided if they had sought help when he was a teenager or adolescent.
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