Time Limits for Couch Surfing (person, member, brother, sister)
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Long story short. Old aquaintance who I hadnt heard from in 15 years or so is wanting to move back to Dayton.
He is long term unemployed (over a year I think), and was staying w. parents in backwoods PA while taking some sort of online course in medical records management/transcription, but had a falling out, and is now staying with brother & sister-in-law in NW indiana, and was trying to find work in Fort Wayne. No m
Now he emails/voicemails me that his sister-in-law has allergic reaction to his cat and is going to have to leave brothers house, and is wanting to look for work in Dayton (he is looking online).
I had communicated with him last year, when he first got in touch with me, that he should not consider looking for work in Dayton due to the poor job market, but apparently he is willing to chance this.
He hasnt come right out an asked but I suspect he wants to couch surf with me until he finds both a job and an apartment (he is looking for both).
So I am wondering what is a good deadline for this, as in "I can put you up for one month", or something like that. My big concern is that this turns into some sort of indefinite roommate thing, where I support this guy for months while he looks for work in a tight job market..
A good deadline is not to do it. You havent heard from him in 15 years, only reason you've heard from him now is he needs a free place to stay. You already told him about the poor job market, only reason he's looking in Dayton is that he found a free couch to crash on; he doesnt care if he gets a job or not.
Remember, NO is a complete sentence. Much easier doing that then removing him later when you're tired of supporting him.
I guess what galls me to no end is that his brother is letting him live with him, despite the fact that his SIL has cat allergies. Now, I love animals, but when the only family members will take you in cannot abide pets, it's time to find a new home for the pet. I have had to do that before, and yes ... it broke my heart. But it sounds like your buddy isn't too serious about turning himself into a model houseguest while he job hunts.
Seriously, this does not sound promising. If you do allow him into your home, you need to set firm boundaries and explain that you literally cannot afford to house him for more than X-amount of time.
A good deadline is not to do it. You havent heard from him in 15 years, only reason you've heard from him now is he needs a free place to stay. You already told him about the poor job market, only reason he's looking in Dayton is that he found a free couch to crash on; he doesnt care if he gets a job or not.
Remember, NO is a complete sentence. Much easier doing that then removing him later when you're tired of supporting him.
Agree with this post.
My understanding of couch surfing is that it's a network for travelers to use for short-term stays. This guy sounds like more of a freeloader doing the bare minimum to get by.
Another red flag to me is that he reached out to you for the first time in 15 years, so he must be running out of places to stay. What if you're the last person the list? What if the people further down on that list say "Heck no!"? Where does he go next and how long does it take him to leave?
OP, if you agree to let him (and his cat!) stay with you - do NOT take any money that can be construed as rent. Once you take rent money from him, he is considered a tenant and you would have to go through the lengthy and difficult legal process of evicting him. If he doesn't pay rent, he is considered a guest - and you can kick him out of the house and change your locks at any time.
I've also heard (and I'm sure it varies from state to state), that if someone resides and receives mail at an address, they are legally considered a resident of that address. Tread carefully - you could end up with a roomie that will take considerable time and expense to evict.
Maybe I'm coldhearted and a little cynical, but I wouldn't even consider it. The first time it's brought up, I would say "Sorry. I can't accommodate you."
Now, I love animals, but when the only family members will take you in cannot abide pets, it's time to find a new home for the pet.
This is what I was thinking, too. The cat is a deal-breaker with me too, since my apartment complex does not permit pets (I think you have to pay a surcharge on the rent if you have a pet).
Back when he was in PA, I was willing to let him stay with me for month, if he had that online medical records job he was looking for, so he could look for an apartment. Then id figure when he found one he could have his things (and his cat) brought over from PA to the apt.
But that was if he had a job... this is an entirely different situation!
Quote:
OP, if you agree to let him (and his cat!) stay with you - do NOT take any money that can be construed as rent. Once you take rent money from him, he is considered a tenant and you would have to go through the lengthy and difficult legal process of evicting him. If he doesn't pay rent, he is considered a guest - and you can kick him out of the house and change your locks at any time.
I've also heard (and I'm sure it varies from state to state), that if someone resides and receives mail at an address, they are legally considered a resident of that address. Tread carefully - you could end up with a roomie that will take considerable time and expense to evict.
Wow..thanks for this! I hadnt even thought of this....this could turn into a real goat-rope.
Even parents who let kids with pets return home for very good reasons have serious issued. Our best friends let their kids stay for a couple of months when they moved back to the area. They had a cat and they did not control the cat and he peed and destroyed the carpet in the attic bedroom. Cats don't usually take a lot of moves very well.
Long story short. Old aquaintance who I hadnt heard from in 15 years or so is wanting to move back to Dayton.
He is long term unemployed (over a year I think), and was staying w. parents in backwoods PA while taking some sort of online course in medical records management/transcription, but had a falling out, and is now staying with brother & sister-in-law in NW indiana, and was trying to find work in Fort Wayne. No m
Now he emails/voicemails me that his sister-in-law has allergic reaction to his cat and is going to have to leave brothers house, and is wanting to look for work in Dayton (he is looking online).
I had communicated with him last year, when he first got in touch with me, that he should not consider looking for work in Dayton due to the poor job market, but apparently he is willing to chance this.
He hasnt come right out an asked but I suspect he wants to couch surf with me until he finds both a job and an apartment (he is looking for both).
So I am wondering what is a good deadline for this, as in "I can put you up for one month", or something like that. My big concern is that this turns into some sort of indefinite roommate thing, where I support this guy for months while he looks for work in a tight job market..
The only time I would allow someone like this to stay with me is if they had a job first and just needed to get a paycheck or two under their belts to get established.
The reality is, this guy does not have a good workable plan and is basically just spinning his wheels.
He is either in big time denial or just needs more professional guidance to get out of the situation he is in than he has previously received.
Either way, I'm betting you don't have the professional skills to really help him.
At this point, the kindest thing you could do is suggest he make an appt at the nearest local community college for some career counseling and testing. This online course he's been doing is not likely to ever lead to a real job.
He needs real world advice, not a haphazard plan.
There are several options open to him, but he's going to have to make some tough choices.
Be frank with him about that, but in a loving way of course.
They had a cat and they did not control the cat and he peed and destroyed the carpet in the attic bedroom. Cats don't usually take a lot of moves very well.
That is what I would be extremely wary of as well. I once took someone in under similar circumstances. She had a small dog, purportedly "housetrained" -- I guess that's what this woman called a dog who basically pees anywhere in the house.
She ended up staying TWO YEARS, during which time I footed the bill. I literally had to call a moving van and foot her moving-out expenses. Then I had to have the carpet replaced and the furniture steam-cleaned thoroughly. I had a new couch at the time, and it will never really be the same.
He is either in big time denial or just needs more professional guidance to get out of the situation he is in than he has previously received.
My put is that he needs to find ANY job.
When he contacted me earlier this summer (after a long silence) to tell me he was in Indiana) he said he was looking for "office work" (so I guessed that online thing didnt work out). I think he needs to find any kind of work at this point....retail, food service, etc...whatevers out there. In Indiana first. Then get some money together to move to Dayton.
My guess is that his luck has run-out is that he is a short step away from being homeless.
I would feel slightly better about this if he had kept in touch while he was living in the west coast. I am feeling used or guilt-tripped but I myself am in denial that this guy is so cavalier about maintaining relationships, and so opportunist.
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